Ted

What the hell you problem?! You breaka my wall, I breaka your wall!

Ted (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Ted: Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny? John: Fuckin' right! Ted: Come on, let's sing the thunder song. John and Ted: When you hear the sound of thunder, don't you get too scared, just grab your thunder buddy, and say these magic words: "Fuck you, thunder! You can suck my dick! You can't get me thunder 'cause you're just God's farts!"

Ted (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Store Manager: So, you think you got what it takes? Ted: I'll tell you what I got; your wife's pussy on my breath. Store Manager: Nobody's ever talked to me like that before. Ted: That's 'cause everyone's mouth is usually full of your wife's box! Store Manager: You're hired. Ted: Shit!

Ted (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Store Manager: You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker on top of the produce that we sell to the public? Ted: I fucked her with a parsnip last week. And I sold the parsnip to a family of four small children. Store Manager: That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you. Ted: You've got a lot of problems, don't you?

Ted (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

John: [talking on his phone] Hi, Ted. Ted: Johnny, where are you? You gotta get over here! John: Why? What's going on? Ted: So I'm having a little impromptu thing with some people at my apartment, and John, Sam Jones is here! John: What? Ted: Sam Jones, Flash fuckin' Gordon, is here! John: Holy shit, what? Ted: You remember how I said my buddy's cousin is friends with Sam Jones? My buddy's in town with his cousin, and who do you think is with him? Sam Jones! Sam Jones is here, and John, [whispering] his hair is parted down the middle! John: Just like in the movie. Ted: Yes. Get over here right now. John: Fuck, I can't! I'm with Lori. I'm already on probation. I... I just can't. Ted: John, Flash Gordon was the most important influence of our formative years. He taught us right from wrong, good from evil, and that the word "acting" apparently has an extremely broad definition. Flash Gordon is the symbol of our friendship, John. Come share this with me. John: ...I'm coming.

Ted (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Sam Jones: We are gonna party like the eighties. Ted: Show us how, Flash. Sam Jones: Easy. We just gotta nail a lot of girls named Stephanie. Ted: God, Johnny, I've got so much energy. We'd better start doing stupid shit.

Ted (film), CC BY-SA 4.0