Shrek the Third

Donkey: I think that went pretty well. [Shrek: Donkey!] Come on now, Shrek! Harold: I'm dying. [coughing] Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. Lillian: Of course, darling. Harold: Fiona. Fiona: Yes, Daddy? Harold: His name is Arthur. [Shrek: Arthur?] [coughing] I know, you'll do what's [exhaling] right-- [sick immediately]

Shrek the Third, CC BY-SA 4.0

Prince Charming: Onward, Chauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower, where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Charming! [Lightning cracks. Thunder booms. Charming straddles a wooden hobby horse and gallops in place. A stagehand uses a bellow to blow air into Prince Charming's face and hair. Another stagehand turns a crank that creates the background music. In the orchestra, a man uses coconuts to create the sound effects of a galloping horse. Two more stagehands backstage create the cheap sound effects of thunder and lightning. A crudely constructed castle tower sits in front of a cheaply painted backdrop. The Fairytale Creatures are sitting at a table in the audience.] Gingy: This is worse than "Love Letters". I hate dinner theater! Pinocchio: Me, too. [his nose grows] Prince Charming: [rides to the base of the tower] Whoa there, Chauncey! [dismounts and sets his hobby horse on the ground, and strikes a dramatic pose] Actress: [as the princess, leaning from the

Shrek the Third, CC BY-SA 4.0

Harold: I'm dying. [Inhales and launches into a violent coughing fit. Shrek looks a bit guilty about his last admission. Queen Lillian comes to the King's aid, and he settles down.] Lillian: Harold. Harold: Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. [Queen Lillian is used to these kind of non-sequiturs.] Lillian: Of course darling. [The King suppresses a few coughs. He turns to his daughter.] Harold: Fiona… Fiona: Yes, Daddy? Harold: I know I've made many mistakes with you. Fiona: It's okay. Harold: But your love for Shrek has taught me so much. [Fiona smiles. The King addresses Shrek.] My dear boy, I am proud to call you my son. Shrek: [smiles] And I'm proud to call you my Frog… King Dad-in-law. Harold: Now, there is a matter of business to attend to.[wheezes and coughing, passes out.] Puss: The frog king...is dead. [Fiona starts weeping. The King suddenly wakes up, coughing.] Donkey: [to Puss] Put your hat back on, fool. Harold: Shrek, please come hither. [Fiona gives Shrek a look. S

Shrek the Third, CC BY-SA 4.0

Prince Charming: What does a Prince have to do to get a drink around here? [Mabel turns around in front of him] Ah, Mabel, why they call you an ugly stepsister, I'll never know. Where's Doris? Taking the night off? Mabel: She's not welcome here, and neither are you. [spits into the mug] What do you want, Charming? [wipes the mug with a cloth] Prince Charming: Oh, not much, just a chance at redemption... [laughs] and a Fuzzy Navel. [stands up and turns to the villains] And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends! Captain Hook: We're not your friends. [Mabel grabs Prince Charming by his shoulders and pins him on top of the bar; he then places his hook against his neck] And you don't belong here. Prince Charming: You are right, oh, I mean, you are absolutely right, but I mean, do any of us? Cyclops: Do a number on his face! Prince Charming: No, no, wait, wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. [to the Evil Queen] Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White, and then what happened?

Shrek the Third, CC BY-SA 4.0

[talking to cats] It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny, but I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. [another female cats talking] As are you... [to another female cat] And you... [more cats get angry at each other] And, uh...hi. I don't know you, but I'd like to. [the cats yowl and screech] I gotta go. [then leaves on the journey]

Shrek the Third, CC BY-SA 4.0

Princess Fiona: [suddenly feels a bump in her stomach] Shrek! Shrek: Yeah?! Princess Fiona: Wait! Shrek: What is it?! Princess Fiona: [taking a deep breath] I'm... I'm... [but was cut off by the ship captain's foghorn] Shrek: [laughs] I love you too, honey! Princess Fiona: No! No, I said I'm- [gets cut off by the foghorn again] Shrek: [grabs the foghorn from the captain and throws it overboard] You're what?! Princess Fiona: I said I'm pregnant! Shrek: [can't believe his ears] Oh... what was that?! Princess Fiona: You're going to be a father! Shrek: [laughs nervously] That's great. Princess Fiona: Really?! I'm glad you think so! I love you!? Shrek: [smiles back at Fiona] Yeah... [laughs nervously] Me, too. You... Donkey: [pops up onto the railing] I'm going to be an uncle! I'm going to be an uncle! I'M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE!! Puss in Boots: And you, my friend, are royally- [the different foghorn blasts again as the boat disappears into the fog]

Shrek the Third, CC BY-SA 4.0