Quotes
Drake & Josh, season 2
Back to Drake & Josh, season 2Quotes
The Bet
Megan: Hello? [the boys don’t response, so she walks up to them] HELLO?
Drake: Oh, yeah. This is for you. [gives her an umbrella]
Audrey: Hi. [notices Megan soaked, becomes frustrated] Drake! Josh!
Drake and Josh: Huh?…
Read the full quoteThe Bet
Drake: You do realize this is your fault.
Josh: No, I do not realize that!
Drake: You couldn't stop playing your video games for 10 minutes to take her the stupid umbrella?
Josh: Hey, number 1, that umbrella is not…
Read the full quoteThe Bet
Dr. Glazer: Well, this is gonna sound a little odd, but... the recent change in Drake's diet probably caused the rash.
Josh: Wait a minute. You're saying that he got that rash from NOT eating junk food?
Audrey: Is that…
Read the full quoteThe Bet
Josh: Why don't you, uh, put that book down, Drake? [Drake slams the book on Josh's finger] Ow!
Drake: [satisfied] There! I put it down. Ya happy?
Josh: Evil!
Read the full quoteThe Bet
Josh: [rocking on the couch, desperately wanting to play his GameSphere from his Grammy] GameSphere, GameSphere, GameSphere, GameSphere....
Drake: [looks at his rash in a mirror] Oh, my face... My face!
Josh: GameSphere…
Read the full quoteThe Bet
Drake: [comes in his and Josh's room] Why is it dark in here? [he turns on the light to reveal that Josh redecorated their bedroom to look like a candy palace causing him to be shocked and sees Josh dressed up as Willy…
Read the full quoteThe Bet
Audrey: Drake. Josh. You’ll be late for school.
Megan: Okay, I was wrong. This is the best day of my life.
Audrey: Just get in the car.
Walter: See ya, boys.…
Read the full quoteGuitar
Drake: [comes in his and Josh's room] Where's the guitar?
Megan: See ya. [walks out of Drake and Josh's room]
Drake: Josh?
Josh: I uh, I uh, I put it away.…
Read the full quoteGuitar
Drake: [while walking downstairs] Josh?
Josh: Drake! Um, it's not what you think! See I plugged into the-
Drake: I know. Megan told me everything.
Josh: Megan! Look, Drake. Please don't hate me. I just wanted to do-…
Read the full quoteGuitar
Drake: And I am gonna kick back and relax like all good rock stars should. [Megan gives him her math homework] What's this?
Megan: My math homework. This week's fractions. Have fun.
Read the full quoteMovie Job
Helen: [walks up to Josh] Hey, do you work for me?
Josh: No.
Helen: Where did you get that vest?
Josh: Oh, uh, well, my cup holder was a little wobbly, so I told this guy who then called me a punkhole and then he kind of…
Read the full quoteMovie Job
Helen: [appears] Uh, Drake? [Drake walks up to Helen] Did you just sell those little girls tickets to a PG-13 movie?
Josh: Busted.
Drake: Uh, yes I did Helen and- And I'll tell you why.
Helen: Why?…
Read the full quoteFootball
Megan: You look terrible.
Josh: Thanks.
Megan: And you have 5 new e-mails. [leaves Drake and Josh's room]
Josh: Wait, how does she know how many e-mails?…
Read the full quoteFootball
Megan: Hey, Josh.
Josh: What's up, Megs?
Megan: Ooh, making brownies? Can I lick the spoon?
Josh: Uh-uh! There will be no spoon licking in my kitchen!…
Read the full quoteFootball
Drake: Hey, Mr. E-quipment manager. Trevor's waiting in his car,You want a ride home or not?
Josh: In a minute, I just need to finish pumping up these footballs and-
Coach Davis: [angrily] NICHOLS!
Josh: Yeah, Coach…
Read the full quotePool Shark
Josh: I'm so excited.
Drake: I'm so annoyed.
Josh: My dad told me and Drake that since were stepbrothers now, we should start trying to hang out together more.
Drake: My mom's trying to get me to hang out more, with…
Read the full quotePool Shark
Drake: I think we should go easy on these guys.
Josh: How come?
Drake: It's Eric.
Josh: What's up?…
Read the full quotePool Shark
Josh: I thought you said you were sorry.
Drake: I am sorry.
Josh: I thought you meant you were sorry you gambled and you weren't gonna do it anymore.
Drake: No, I meant I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was gambling, and I…
Read the full quoteSmart Girl
Josh: Ow! Thank you for the butt bruise!
Drake: Are you ready? You know what to do, right?
Josh: Yeah. Cheat.
Drake: I told you, its not cheating.…
Read the full quoteSmart Girl
Drake: What are you doing?!
Josh: What do you think I'm doing? Helping you cheat.
Drake: Well, you're not doing a very good job.
Josh: Oh its my fault mega burger's having a sale on curly fries?! I can't control radio…
Read the full quoteSmart Girl
Drake and Josh: Drake/Josh, I'm really sorry.
Josh: No, no. I went kind of crazy back there.
Drake: You had every right to go crazy, man. I never should have made you cheat for me.
Josh: Ok. It was your fault. But I…
Read the full quoteLittle Diva
Helen: [comes up to Drake] Drake Parker.
Drake: Hey, Helen. Looking prettier than ever.
Helen: Oh, you beast. Did you offer him some free candy?
Josh: No. You said we weren't allowed-…
Read the full quoteLittle Diva
Drake: Look who's gonna be at this after-party, Ashton Kutcher, Adam Sandler, Ethan LaRoche...
Josh: Who's Ethan LaRoche?
Drake: I don't know, but he's gonna be there!
Josh: Hey, Drake! I just got an autograph from Ethan…
Read the full quoteLittle Diva
Woman: Ashley, how did it feel to play an 11-year-old president?
Drake and Josh: Ah, um.
Drake: Uh, she says it was challenging, but rewarding.
Reporters: Ow!…
Read the full quoteBlues Brothers
Drake: [to Josh] Looks like your twitching days are over.
Josh: And it looks like you just won the talent contest for the second year in a row.
Jackie: Actually, it's three years! It's a three-peat just like I predicted!…
Read the full quoteBlues Brothers
Megan: I'd be nervous if I knew a million people were watching me on Live TV. That's pressure.
Josh: Pressure.
Megan: Serious pressure. I mean, think about it. You make one mistake and millions of people see it. That's…
Read the full quoteDriver's License
Old driving instructor: Don't slam the door! This isn't 1 of your teenage parties.
Josh: Sorry.
Old driving instructor: Now, Mr. Nicholas, I assume you expect a driver's license.
Josh: Look, if I could just retake the…
Read the full quoteDriver's License
Megan: Hey, Drake. Will you drive me to oboe practice?
Drake: You know I didn't get my license.
Megan: I know. I just love making you say it. [leaves the kitchen, then returns and speaks from the door to tease him again]…
Read the full quoteDriver's License
Drake: Oh, good, you're up. Here, let's go get some tacos, you drive.
Josh: What? [looks at the clock] It's 3 A.M. [rolls under his blanket]
Drake: Yeah, I like to call it the taco hour.
Josh: Go make some. We have taco…
Read the full quoteDriver's License
Police Officer: Son you have a tail light out.
Josh: Yeah, stick it to him copper!
Police Officer: May I see your driver's license please?
Drake: Uh, yeah, about that.…
Read the full quote#1 Fan
Hello, s'mores. HELLO, PAIN!!!
Read the full quoteJosh #1 Fan
Walter: [gives Josh his Campfire Kids chief hat] This is for you.
Josh: What're you doing?
Walter: Resigning. You're the new Campfire Kids chief.
Josh: But I don't wanna be the-…
Read the full quote#1 Fan
Josh: Alright, Campfire Kids, huddle up.
Wendy: So what movie are we seeing?
Josh: We're not seeing a movie. We're here to learn about wilderness navigation.
Pete: You're the worst!…
Read the full quote#1 Fan
Drake: Josh, I have a problem.
Josh: Does it itch?
Drake: No. My problem is Wendy, your little forest fire kid.
Josh: Ohh. Your #1 fan.…
Read the full quote#1 Fan
Wendy: Hey, Drake!
Drake: Don't talk, just listen.
Wendy: Baby, what's wrong?
Drake: You know how much trouble your little flyers caused me? Everyone in my entire school made fun of me today because of you.…
Read the full quote#1 Fan
[inside the tent] Um, could someone... let me out of here?! [shakes the tent] I hate camping, too! I'm claustrophobic! I would like some s'mores! Get me out of here!
Read the full quoteJosh #1 Fan
[inside the tent] Hey! I wanna go to Chuck E. Cheddar's! Oh, come on, let me out! I wanna whack a mole! Drake, Megan, could I just get some water? [shakes the tent] There's no bathroom in here! That's a problem!
Read the full quoteJosh Mean Teacher
Some people are born lucky. I am not 1 of those people.
Read the full quoteJosh Mean Teacher
Mrs. Hayfer: [comes in with the graded essays] Morning, class. I graded your essays. [satisfied] Josh, you wrote a wonderful story. I Cried When the Leprechaun Gave Birth. A+ [hands essay to Josh]
Josh: Thank you, Mrs.…
Read the full quoteMean Teacher
Drake: Kelly, you're a really nice girl, I just don't think this is going to work out. Oh no. Kelly, I'm joining the army. Navy. Circus?
Mrs. Hayfer: [answers the door] Who's out here?
Drake: Hey, is Kelly- [he notices…
Read the full quoteMean Teacher
Mrs. Hayfer: DRAKE!
Drake: Yes ma'am!
Mrs. Hayfer: Since your talking, please tell the class what's your favorite novel from the 20th Century?
Drake: Uh, Catcher in the Rye.…
Read the full quoteThe Gary Grill
FBI Man: [comes in] Hey, excuse us. We don't mean to interrupt your money fight, but a friend of ours told us you were selling Gary Coleman grills.
Josh: Your friend is wise.
Drake: So, how many do you want?
FBI Man…
Read the full quoteThe Gary Grill
Josh: Wait, wait, wait, you can't lock me in here. I'M ON THE HONOR ROLL! [the police lock the bars] Drake, do something!
Drake: Yeah, what do you want me to do?
Josh: Tell them we didn't steal those grills!
Drake: I…
Read the full quoteThe Gary Grill
Buddy: Guy?
Guy: Yeah?
Buddy: I've read about prison.
Guy: And...?…
Read the full quoteDrew & Jerry
Josh: Oprah? Oh, Oprah. [screams and wakes up after the trash dog licks his face] Who's dog is this?
Drake: I just found him rooting through the garbage outside.
Josh: So you let him lick my face?
Drake: Get dressed…
Read the full quoteDrew & Jerry
Megan: Alright, Drake. What's bugging you?
Drake: Nothing. [Megan leans back] Josh blew me out to go virtual snowboarding with stupid Drew.
Megan: Ooh, somebody's jealous.
Drake: I'm not jealous.…
Read the full quoteDrew & Jerry
Drake: [as he arrives home] Sorry I'm late, guys.
Walter: Where you been all day?
Drake: I was just hanging out with a new friend of mine. Actually, I invited him over for dinner And to watch "Canadian Idol" with us. Is…
Read the full quoteDrew & Jerry
Jerry: But I thought you said you were sorry.
Drew: I am sorry.
Jerry: But I thought you meant you were sorry that you cheated on the test and that you weren't gonna do it anymore.
Drew: No, I'm sorry I got caught, and…
Read the full quoteHonor Council
Mrs. Hayfer: Alright, now we know that Romeo was not allowed to snuggle Juliet, not even on the weekends and... where'd that jacket come from?
Bud: It was in your trunk.
Josh: Hey, Drake, that's your jacket.
Drake: Yeah…
Read the full quoteHonor Council
Megan: Did you do it?
Drake: No.
Megan: Why did you do it?
Drake: I didn't.…
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Mrs. Hayfer: Mindy, how could you?!
Mindy: How could you give me a B?! I'm perfect, better than all of you!
Mr. Thompson: Mindy, you're suspended. Drake, you're not. I gotta get some soup.
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