George Carlin

Award won Role or nomination

1. 1937 age 0

   Born

2. 1991 age 54

   CreditThe Prince of Tides

3. 1999 age 62

   CreditDogma

4. 2001 age 64

   CreditJay and Silent Bob Strike Back

5. 2003 age 66

   CreditScary Movie 3

6. 2004 age 67

   CreditJersey Girl

7. 2008 age 71

   Died

• KSKevin Smith3 titles
• MDMatt Damon3 titles
• BABen Affleck3 titles
• JLJason Lee3 titles
• SMScott Mosier3 titles
• JVJames L. Venable3 titles
• HSHarley Quinn Smith2 titles
• CRChris Rock2 titles
• JBJason Biggs2 titles
• JMJason Mewes2 titles

• 
  Photo:Little David RecordsPublic domain

• I was on a talk show recently, and the host asked me, "What do you think about the dope problem?" I said, "Definitely, I feel we have too many dopes." No question about it. That's why we have a drug problem, I feel; it's because everyone has access to drugs...it's all those DRUG stores, right? Every three or four blocks, there's a big sign: "DRUGS", "Open All Night – DRUGS", "We Deliver – DRUGS", "Cut-rate DRUGS"... it's the biggest thing on their sign: "Cosmetics – Sundries – DRUGS".

  George Carlin, CC BY-SA 4.0

• When they talk about drugs, they don't talk about all of them. They never mention coffee. The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you, but there are coffee freaks. And they're walking around, nobody worrying about it.

  George Carlin, CC BY-SA 4.0

• Birth control pills are still on prescription. You still need a note to get laid.

  George Carlin, CC BY-SA 4.0

• Some day birth control will come off prescription, and they'll need those cute little catchy names like the patent medicines have...some day birth control pills will have names like, "Preg-Not"! Doctors prefer "Embry-No"! Here's one for the ladies, "Nary-A-Carry"! Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! "Mommy-Not", "Fetus Fail", "Kiddie Kill", "Papa Stopper", "Womb Broom", "Humpty Dumpty"... I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time; they'd call it "Baby Maybe"!

  George Carlin, CC BY-SA 4.0

• And athletes, athletes got into uppers, college athletes. The right wing's last line of defense on campus. They're doing amphetamines. Remember when "being up for the game" was kind of a spiritual thing? Now, man..."You up for the game?" "(pop, pop) Been up all week, man!"

  George Carlin, CC BY-SA 4.0

• I used to be Irish Catholic; Now I'm an American. You know, you grow.

  George Carlin, CC BY-SA 4.0