The Nutty Professor

Grandma Klump: I hope your butt turn into a frog. Mother Klump: Don't break gas and destroy our meal. Papa Klump: You want your colon cleansed? Fine, I'm gonna clean mine! (breaks wind)

The Nutty Professor (1996 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Anna Klump: You know, Sherman, I think I do remember hearing something on TV about colon cleansing. They say everyone should have one. I'm thinking about getting me an appointment to go down and get my colon cleansed thoroughly. Cletus Klump: You want your colon cleansed? Fine, I'm gonna clean mine! [farts loudly, Ernie Jr. starts laughing hysterically] See? There. Now my colon is clean. I'm talking squeaky clean. Anna Klump: Cletus, that is disgusting. Every time we're having a meal, you gotta start breaking gas. Don't break gas and destroy our meal. Cletus Klump: Don't tell me to stop, you're the one who brought up colon cleansin', all that mess. Anna Klump: I did not say anything about breaking gas, I was talking about getting my colon clean. Cletus Klump: Don't you talk about stickin' a tube up somebody's ass, but I can't break wind. Anna Klump: I didn't say nothin' about stickin' no hose up nobody's ass, Cletus-- Cletus Klump: Well, what you think a colonic is? You think you run y

The Nutty Professor (1996 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Reggie Warrington: Whoo-whoo! It's a full moon tonight! I think I found where they hid Jimmy Hoffa! Sherman Klump: [pretending to laugh] Yeah! Yeah, that's a good one there. Reggie Warrington: Oh boy, you got more crack than Harlem! Boy's so fat, every time I turn around, it's his birthday! Boy, you gotta put a belt on with a boomerang! Sherman Klump: Okay, now, alright! That's it, got me! Reggie Warrington: Oh no. No, I ain't got you yet! Should I get him? [crowd cheers] SHOULD I GET HIM?! [crowd cheers again] Oh, look at this, he' with a woman too! Oh, no! Who's sucking whose titties over here?! [crowd roars with laughter] Last time he got a breast, it was in a bucket of KFC! Extra Krispy! Every time he goes to Sea World, they tame him! He must be on that new diet, Slim Slow! He go outside with a red shirt on, all the kids in the neighborhood shout "Hey! Kool Aid!" Yeah, man! I bet I cut his fat ass open, he'll bleed chocolate milk! What would you do for a Klondike bar?! Now we know

The Nutty Professor (1996 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Buddy Love: [arriving to "The Scream" for his date] You are too fine to be giving me curbside service! Carla Purdy: [angrily] I'm not, I'm leaving. Buddy Love: What are you talking about leaving? We just got here! Carla Purdy: No, you just got here, I've been waiting for you for almost an hour! Buddy Love: Hey, now they say anticipation helps make the appetite grow stronger, if you know what I mean. Carla Purdy: Anticipate the night alone. Buddy Love: Hey, hey, let's just have a meal together! Why you leaving? Hey-what, do you want me to beg you?! I get down on my knees! I'm begging in front of all these people! You think I care that all these people are watching? I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!!! I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT I WAS LATE, AND I'M SORRY!!! My car ran out of gas! I needed fresh drawers! My mother's sick! The car broke down on the street! I'm so sorry! Carla Purdy: [embarrassed] Buddy, get up. Buddy Love: No, listen, you gotta hear me out! Now, I am sorry! I don't know why this hap

The Nutty Professor (1996 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Carla Purty: [looking at Buddy's plates] Six T-Bones, five baked potatoes, and two servings of creamed spinach. I have NEVER seen anyone eat so much. You are so lucky to stay so thin. Buddy Love: Oh, "lucky" has nothing to do with it. It's a matter of recombinant ribonucleic acids unzipped by a radioactive guanine peptide. Carla Purty: ...And what does that mean? Buddy Love: I dunno, I was just trying to sound extra intelligent. Gotcha! You gonna eat that?

The Nutty Professor (1996 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Buddy Love: Ok, fat jokes! You wanna do fat jokes? Alright! Your mother's so fat, the bitch needs Thomas Guide to find her asshole! Alright! Wait, wait, wait, your mother's so fat, after sex I roll over twice, and I'm still on the bitch! Your mother is so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck! Reggie's mother's so fat, that the bitch gets her toenails painted at Earl Scheib! Earl Scheib! At Earl Scheib! HAHAHAHAHAHA! [walks onto the stage, still laughing hysterically] Reggie Warrington: Hey, hey, get off the stage, man! You ain't in show business. Buddy Love: Reggie's mama is so fat, her blood type is Rocky Road! His mother is so fat, her belt size is Equator. Get it, equator. Let's give a big round of applause for Reggie's mama's ass, that brought us so much joy tonight. That's a big ass! Reggie Warrington: ENOUGH! SILENCE! I can't take this shit no more! Now you done talked about me enough, boy! I tried to be peaceful, but now it's time for Reggie to "Karatacize" your ass!

The Nutty Professor (1996 film), CC BY-SA 4.0