Quotes

Dialogue

Computer game: You are standing in the cavern of the evil ice wizard. All around you are the carcasses of slain ice dwarves. Mrs. Baskin: Josh, take out the garbage! Josh: In a minute, Mom! [talking to himself] Melt the wizard. [typing] Melt wizard. Computer game: What do you want to melt him with? Josh: What do you think I want to use? Throw the thermal pod. Mrs. Baskin: JOSH!! The garbage is starting to stink up the house! Take it out, NOW!! Mr. Baskin: Josh, you heard your mother! Computer game: Your hesitancy has cost you dearly. The wizard, sensing your apprehension, fires a fatal bolt from his ice scepter. With luck, you will thaw in several million years. Josh: Great.

Dialogue

Josh: [to himself, at a carnival where he finds an antiquated fortune-telling machine] Zoltar Speaks? Josh: [annoyed, hitting machine] Work, work, work, dammit! Machine: Aim ramp at Zoltar's mouth Machine: Zoltar says make your wish. Josh: I wish I were big. Card: Your wish is granted.

Dialogue

Policeman: This is one of the oddest missing child cases. His mother is all hysterical; cannot get a word out of her. No sign of forced entry, no ransom note and the only fingerprints we found all belonged to the Baskin family. Kid #1: Bet he got sick of his parents and ran away. Wish I could do that. Kid #2: I will help you pack.

Dialogue

Josh: I want a listing of all amusement arcades and carnivals in the tri-state area. Clerk: Consumer Affairs, down the hall. Bureaucrat: Fill this out in triplicate, five dollar processing charge. Billy: See, no problem. Bureaucrat: Standard six-week wait with backlog. Billy and Josh: [in unison] Six weeks??! Bureaucrat: Could take longer, but hey, you could get lucky. Josh: I am going to be 30 years old for the rest of my life. Billy: Come on Josh, it is only for six weeks. Besides, you may be even older that that! ha ha!

Dialogue

Josh: Social security number? Josh: What was that? Billy: My locker combination. Receptionist: Mr. Baskin? Billy: Remember, Josh, eye contact! Receptionist: Your son will have to wait out here. Josh: Certainly. OK son, you heard the lady. Don't give anyone a hard time. Billy: Sure thing, "Dad".

Dialogue

Office worker: It says you have four years of experience in computers, good. But you are missing a couple of numbers on the social security. Josh: Uh, um, twelve. Office worker: OK, 1-2. Office worker puts in numbers Where did you go to school? Josh: Hmmm, it was called George Washington. Office worker: Oh, G.W! My brother-in-law got his doctorate there. Did you pledge? Josh: Yes, every morning.

Dialogue

Billy: So you got a job, where you play with all these toys. Josh: Yup! Billy: And they're gonna pay you for that? Josh: Yup! Billy: SUCKERS!

Dialogue

Paul: Have you tried Mattel? Susan: Yes. Paul: Well, how about Coleco? Susan: Yes, as well as Fisher Price and Worlds of Wonder. None of these places reported ever having a Josh Baskin on their payroll. Paul: Well, he's got to come from somewhere. The guy just does not come into the executive offices out of the blue. Susan: Face it Paul, the man comes from data processing. Paul: It's a mystery. Milk Carton: MISSING: JOSHUA BASKIN

Dialogue

Josh: I'm much better at video hockey. Paul: That's not a sport. Josh: It requires hand and eye coordination. Paul: It's not a sport if you don't sweat. Josh: What about golf? It's a sport and you don't sweat. Paul: It's not a sport if you let a machine do all the work. Josh: What about car racing? Paul: Shut up, Baskin.

Dialogue

Scotty Brennen: See that girl over there in the red? Say "hi" to her and she's yours. She'll have her legs around you so tight you'll be begging for mercy. Josh: Well, I'll stay away from her, then.

Dialogue

Susan: I'm not so sure we should do this. Josh: Do what? Susan: Well, I like you, and I want to spend the night with you. Josh: Do you mean sleep over? Susan: Well, yeah. Josh: Well, okay, but I get to be on top.

Dialogue

Josh: Will you please leave? I got a deadline to meet. Gosh. Billy: Who the fuck do you think you are? Josh: HEY! Billy: You're Josh Baskin, remember? You broke your arm on my roof! You hid in MY basement when Robert Dyson was about to rip your head off! Josh: You don't get it, do you? This is important! Billy: I'm your best friend. What's more important than that, huh? [Turns to leave] And I'm three months older than you are, ASSHOLE!

Dialogue

Mrs. Baskin: [on the phone] You have my son? Josh: Yes. Mrs. Baskin: Look, if you touch one hair on his head, I swear I will spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer. Josh: Wow, thanks.

Dialogue

Paul: What is so special about Baskin? Susan: He's a grown up.

Dialogue

Billy: There. Sea Point Park! Josh: Thanks. Billy: See you around. Josh: Taxi! Sea Point Park, please. Billy: Sea Point Park? Way to go, Josh! Susan: You know Josh? Billy: Yes, I am his friend. Susan: I am...his girlfriend. Billy: His girlfriend?? Whoa!