Quotes

Others

This is public school. If I can keep the girls off the pole and the boys off the pipe, I get a bonus.

Others

I'm the guidance counselor. I should know all the students, especially the ones that dress like prostitutes.

Dialogue

Rhiannon: I want every detail! Olive: Rhi- Rhiannon: Now bitch! Olive: You know, you call me "bitch" a lot. Okay, it's not a term of endearment. Rhiannon: I want every detail! Now shitface! Olive: Yeah, you're not heading in the right direction.

Dialogue

Rhiannon: You're being pretty cavalier about this. Aren't you supposed to be eternally in love with him and shit? Olive: Yes... I believe so, if I was the Gossip Girl in Sweet Valley of the Traveling Pants. But since I'm not... [shrugs]

Dialogue

Marianne: There's a higher power that will judge you for your indecency. Olive: Tom Cruise?

Dialogue

Brandon: I'm looking for an Olive. Rosemary: There's a whole jar of them in the fridge. Brandon: I thought this was... Rosemary: Oh come on in. Any friend of Olive's is a friend of our daughters. [calling upstairs] Olive! Sweetie, there's a young man here to see you. He said something about asking for your hand in marriage!! Olive: Oh happy day mama! Oh, I thought I was gonna have to spend my dowry on booze and pills to numb the loneliness!! A gentleman caller, hooray!!!

Dialogue

Rosemary: That boy from yesterday just dropped this off for you... Olive: Well, put it in the pile of gifts from my other suitors. Rosemary: He seems like a nice kid. He seemed a little incredibly gay... Olive: Dyed in the wool homosexual, that boy is. Rosemary: I just want you to know your father and I are totally supportive. We love you no matter what the sexual orientation of your opposite sex sex partner... Olive: We are not dating, Mom. Rosemary: ...and don't worry about not making us grandparents. Although we were kind of hoping you'd get "knocked up" so we'd have a second shot at raising kids, really do it right this time. Olive: Bye now... Rosemary: You know, I dated a homosexual once. For a long time, actually... a long time... Olive: Dear God, dear Lord, tell me you didn't marry and have children with him! Rosemary: [Giggles] No. Rosemary: No, no. Your father is as straight as they come. A little too straight, if you know what I mean, girlfriend. Olive: I don't...

Dialogue

Nina: Perhaps you should embroider a red "A" on your wardrobe, you abominable tramp. Olive: Perhaps you should get a wardrobe you abominable twat.

Dialogue

Dill: [as Olive is tearing up her clothes and making her new outfits] Is everything alright? It sounds like you're having sex in here...Which can't be true due to the fact that you have a homosexual boyfriend. Olive: [angry] He's not my boyfriend! Dill: Hey, no judgment. All God's children. It's fine. I was gay once...for a while. No big deal. We all do it. It's okay. Olive: Dad, can you just shut the door, please? Dill: You all right, buddy? Olive: Yeah. Dill: Give them hell.

Dialogue

Brandon: So what's with your new look? It's very whore couture. Olive: Oh, haven't you heard? I'm the new school slut. Brandon: You know, I did hear something. I also heard he was twice your age. Olive: Oh, no no no no. He was a freshman in college. Brandon: I also heard he gave you crabs. Olive: Ew! People suck! Brandon: Tell me about it.

Dialogue

Marianne: [stapling papers] Looks like someone's on a downward spiral. Olive: Looks like someone's practicing the mundane activity she'll be saddled with the rest of her pathetic life.

Dialogue

Olive: Does it ever bother you that your boyfriend is 22 years old and still in high school? Marianne: Because, Olive, it's His choice! Olive: Oh, really? His choice? He just wants to be repeating his senior year for, like, the fourth time 'cause he can't pass a single test? Marianne: No, silly, [gestures up] His. His, with a capital H. If the Good Lord had wanted Micah to graduate, he would have given him the right answers. Olive: [laughs] I'm sorry, but, I mean, really? You gotta be shittin' me, woman.

Dialogue

Todd: [referring to the student protesters] Screw all these people, Olive! Olive: Haven't you heard? I already did.

Dialogue

Mr Griffith: I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought...but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a rat's ass? Olive: He got a Coke Zero again? Oh that Roman, incorrigible.

Dialogue

Olive: Guys, I want you to know that if you hear around town that I have chlamydia, that is totally false. Rosemary: Olive, do we need to have the talk again? Olive: No. It's just a thing that's going around. Dill: You know, nothing you're saying is making me feel any better. Rosemary: Not to mention how you have been dressing these past few days. No judgment, but you kind of look like a stripper. Olive: Mom! Dill: A high-end stripper, for governors or athletes, but a stripper nonetheless. Olive: Oh, my God. I'm just trying to mix it up a little. And I have no STDs, I promise you. Dill: Oh, that's great. Daughter of the Year.

Dialogue

Olive: How do you know where I live? Todd: We used to carpool. Olive: Yeah, in 2nd grade. What, are you like a savant for people's addresses? Todd: Just for people who I think are cool. Olive: You think I'm cool? Todd: I do. And I think you're pretty and smart. Olive: Did you form this opinion prior to my little transformation? Todd: Way prior. Olive: Why didn't that rumor spread? Todd: I like to keep my business to myself. Notoriety, for whatever reason, never seems to benefit the noted, only the "notees." Olive: Where were you two weeks ago? Todd: Olive. If I promise not to tell anyone, could I kiss you right now? Olive: No. Todd: Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Olive: Oh, no. I just mean, not like this. I don't wanna kiss you with mascara running down my face...and some horndog guy just having tried to stick his tongue down my throat. I've wanted to kiss you since 8th grade, but I want it to be perfect. And right now, my life is a mess. I need to get my business in order befo

Dialogue

Mrs. Griffith: Olive, life is full of choices. I made a bad one. But then, so did you. But I see no other alternative than to just live with the guilt. My guilt stems from my indiscretion and yours for lying. We made our choices. Now, we just have to let it ride. Olive: Or I could just tell everyone the truth and have you fired and put in jail. Mrs. Griffith: Okay, first of all, he is of age, okay!? It's perfectly legal in the state of California. I checked! He is 21 in eight months. And secondly, let's play the "Who Would You Believe game," okay? Why don't you ask yourself, if you were an adult, who would you believe? Who would you believe!? Who would you believe!? Who would you believe!? Who!?! ...Thank you for coming in.

Dialogue

Rosemary: I had a similar situation when I was your age. I had a horrible reputation. Olive: Why? Rosemary: Because I was a slut. I slept with a whole bunch of people. A slew, a heap, a peck. Mostly guys. Olive: Mom! Olive: Can you not see that I'm a mess? Rosemary: No, you're not, Olive. You're wonderful. And you'll handle this the same way I did. With an incontrovertible sense of humor. But you're much smarter than I am, so you'll come out of this much better than I did. Olive: Thank you, Mom.