The Lorax

Ted: So, anyway, let's just say, I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do? Grammy Norma: Oh, then you know what? You'd need to find the Once-ler. Ted: The what? Mrs. Wiggins: Mom, it's not really the time for one of your, you know, magical fables, OK? Grammy Norma: [laughs] That's right, I forgot. I'm old, and can't even remember to put my teeth in! Mrs. Wiggins: Stand down. That's not what I meant. Grammy Norma: No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me? [showing her empty teeth] Mrs. Wiggins: [sighs] Sure, Mom. Grammy Norma: [puts on her retainer in secret] OK, here's the deal. The Once-ler's the man who knows what happened to the trees. If you want one, you need to find him.

The Lorax (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Once-ler: Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here?! Ted: I'm Ted. I'm Ted. Oh, I can't breathe. Are you...are you the Once-ler? Oh, man. Once-ler: Didn't you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here! Get out of here and leave me alone! And don't let the boot hit you on the way out! Ted: The boot? [gets kicked by said boot from behind] Whoa, hello! Ow! Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. [gets grabbed again] No, no, no! Once-ler: Trees? Ted: Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? [pause] Hello? Once-ler: Sorry, it's just...Well, I didn't think anyone still cared about trees. Ted: Well, that's me. The guy who still cares. I'm here. [gets put back down] Hey, hey! What? Whoa! The Once-ler: You wanna know about trees, about what happened to them, and why they're all gone? [softly] It's because of me. Ted: Wait, what? Once-ler: [shouts] IT'S BECAUSE OF ME! [Ted coughs] And my invention, the Thneed.

The Lorax (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Ted: [interrupting the story] Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait. Wait a minute. Once-ler: Excuse me? Ted: [chuckles] Yeah. That's awesome. You know, feeding junk food to forest animals? That's great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? 'Cause I'd love to hear that one. Once-ler: [sarcastically] Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story and was never heard from again. Mm-hmm. Ted: Right. Got it. Proceed.

The Lorax (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

The Lorax: [first meeting the Once-ler] Hey! [the Once-ler shrieks and falls backwards] Did you chop down this tree? Once-ler: Uh, no. Who did it? [gasps] What's that?! [the Lorax looks back and Once-ler drops his axe on Pipsqueak the Bar-ba-loot, blaming him] I think he did it. The Lorax: [growls] Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your axe and get out! The Once-ler: And who are you? [pokes the Lorax] The Lorax: Hey, hey! I'm the Lorax, guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. [the Once-ler stares at him] So you're telling me that you didn't see me magically appear out of that stump, with all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn't see any of that? The Once-ler: No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that? The Lorax: Uh, yeah. I could show you, but that's not how it works. The Once-ler: Okay, um...Didn't really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I've got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw. Yummy-yummy-yummy... The Lorax: How dare you! Give me that! Mm

The Lorax (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

The Once-ler: Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren't you like other kids? Break-dancing and wearing bell-bottoms and playing the Donkey Kongs? Ted: [laughs] Yeah. Right, right. I don't know. Uh, I just thought it might be kinda cool to have one, you know. The Once-ler: [knowingly] Aaah, it's a girl, isn't it? Ted: [scoffs] What? No! The Once-ler: Really? 'Cause when a guy does something stupid once, well, that's because he's a guy, but if he does the same stupid thing twice, that's usually to impress some girl. Ted: [about Audrey] Hey, she is not some girlǃ She's a woman...in high school...and she loves trees, and I'm gonna get her one. The Once-ler: Aww. How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality. Ted: [sincerely] Thank you. The Once-ler: [has just been revived by the Lorax] I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back, and here I am! [hugs the Lorax] You saved my life! The Lorax: Yeah, I did, but you know, it's not that big a deal. The O

The Lorax (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0

The Once-ler: Ow! Okay, uh, what are you...? [stops upon noticing that the Bar-ba-loots, Humming Fish, and Swommee-Swans are also sleeping in his house] Question: what are they doing here? And, uh, follow-up, if I may, what are you doing here?! The Lorax: [chuckles embarrassingly] Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it, but when we got here, you were asleep. The Once-ler: What? [looks up to see a sleeping Bar-ba-loot drooling down on him] Eww! Exactly, and sleeping is the body's way of telling other people to go away. The Lorax: I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done. The Once-ler: "No harm done", "no harm done"? Ugh, okay. [sees Humming Fish bathing in soap] Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. [sees Swommee-Swan laying an egg] Ew. Did you just...in my bowl?! The Lorax: [uses the Once-ler's toothbrush to comb his mustache] Why do you even own this? You don't ha

The Lorax (2012 film), CC BY-SA 4.0