Quotes

Other Characters

Truman Schiff: I thought only I could repel women with that kind of raw efficiency. Dean Walcott: Our job is to rigorously and ruthlessly train the humanity out of you and make you into something better. We're gonna make doctors out of you.

Dialogue

Patch Adams: Last night with Rudy, I connected to another human being. I want more of that. I want to learn about people, help them with their troubles. Dr. Prack: That's what I do. Patch Adams: But you suck at it. You don't even listen to them when they talk. I wanna listen; I wanna really listen. You don't understand. I'm leaving. Dr. Prack: Hunter, if you leave my records will say AMA, that you signed out of this hospital Against Medical Advice. Patch Adams: And mine will say IDGARA: I Don't Give A Rat's Ass. And my name is Patch.

Dialogue

Patch Adams: Excuse me, Beenie. Which way is heaven [due to Beenie's catatonic state, his hand is raised; everyone laughs (except Dr. Prack)] Correct. Beenie, how much taller is Wilt Chamberlain than you? [patients laugh] Rudy: Hey, Beenie, Beenie, Beenie. Where's the ceiling? Bile: Where do the birds fly, Beenie? Patch Adams: How do you say hello to Hitler? Other patient: Beenie, Beenie. How does Hitler say hello? Patch Adams: Beenie, how do you check an elephant for a hernia? [patients laugh] Who can win a staring contest? [points to Beenie] Beenie!! Rudy: Who... who farted? Everyone: [laughing and pointing at Beenie] Patch Adams: Who likes to masturbate? [all patients and "Patch" raise their hands] Beenie, how does a one-armed referee say, "Field goal?"

Dialogue

Joletta: Look here, Judy, another future boss. Patch Adams: Oh, I wouldn't look at it like that. Joletta: You may think I'm exaggerating, but in another five years you'll be so full of yourself you'll have to hang a cup out your ass just to catch the excess.

Dialogue

Arthur Mendelson: [his attorney is expressing concern over him using his land for Patch's free medical clinic] You learn anything about proctology yet? Patch Adams: A little. Arthur Mendelson: Good. Take care of this asshole for me, will you?

Dialogue

Mitch Roman: I don't mean to be rude, but aren't you a little old to be starting medical school? Patch Adams: You know, Babe Ruth was 39 when he joined the Yankees. Mitch Roman: No, he wasn't! Patch Adams: I know. If you have a better example, please tell me. Hi. Patch Adams. Mitch Roman: Mitch Roman. Georgetown University. I was awarded the William F. Thompson Scientific Achievement Award. Patch Adams: Mmm. Emerson Elementary. I once drew a picture of a rabbit that got me two gold stars.

Dialogue

Patch Adams: [Angrily entering his room to his roommate Mitch Roman] You told Walcott I cheated. I know you did it, just tell me why. Mitch Roman: Look, cut the crap, Hunter. I live with you, I know how much you study, or should I say "don't" study. And you do better than me? Give me a break. Patch Adams: You arrogant, pompous prick! Who appointed you custodian in medical profession? Is it because your father was a doctor, and his father was a doctor? Is it some sort of genetic thing? Mitch Roman: You're damn right. Patch Adams: Really? Mitch Roman: You know, I grew up with it. I know what it takes to look in the eyes of dying people day after day after day and then come home for dinner at night. I know what it takes. You don't have it. Patch Adams: Oh, really? And you do? If you don't like me, just say it. Mitch: [shouts] I don't like you!!! Patch Adams: Why don't you like me? You're a prick, and I like you. Mitch: Because you make my effort a joke! I want to be a doctor! This isn't a

Dialogue

Dean Walcott: ...You are not cut out to be a physician and it is my responsibility-- Patch Adams: Responsibility? You have one responsibility: To be a dickhead. How hard can that be? All you have to do is make sure your head is a dick and it's attached to your neck.

Dialogue

Carin Fisher: [while Patch is driving] When can I open my eyes? Patch Adams: [joking] As soon as I open mine.

Dialogue

Patch Adams: Preview of coming attractions. Bill Davis: [calling out] Nurse... Patch Adams: [reads from the book] Death. To die. To expire. To pass on. To perish. To peg out. To push up daisies. To push up posies. To become extinct. Curtains, deceased, demised, departed, and defunct. Dead as a doornail. Dead as a herring. Dead as a mutton. Dead as nits. The last breath. Paying a debt to nature. The big sleep. God's way of saying, "Slow down." Bill Davis: [he starts to yell at Patch but changes his mind] To check out. Patch Adams: To shuffle off this mortal coil. Bill Davis: To head for the happy hunting ground. Patch Adams: To blink for an exceptionally long period of time. Bill Davis: To find oneself without breath. Patch Adams: To be the incredible decaying man. Bill Davis: Worm buffet. Patch Adams: Kick the bucket. Bill Davis: Buy the farm.

Dialogue

Patch Adams: Now you have the ability to keep me from graduating. You can keep me from getting the title and the white coat. But you can't control my spirit, gentlemen. You can't keep me from learning, you can't keep me from studying. So you have a choice: you can have me as a professional colleague, passionate, or you can have me as an outspoken outsider, still adament. Either way I'll probably still be viewed as a thorn. But I promise you one thing: I am a thorn that will not go away. Charlie: Is that all? Patch Adams: I hope not, sir.