Reba

Dr. Peters: Okay, why don't we begin with the custody arrangements? Cheyenne: Oh, I wanna live with Dad. Jake: I wanna stay with Mom. Kyra: Is boot camp an option? Kyra: Barbra Jean's pregnant?! Jake: I thought Cheyenne was pregnant! Cheyenne: Shut up, Jake! Kyra: Back off. He's just a stupid kid. Jake: I'm not stupid. She left the pregnancy test in the trash can. Reba: Why is it we're the only house in Texas without a gun? Kyra: So when Daddy marries Barbra Jean, what am I supposed to call her anyway? Reba: You're not supposed to call her anything, when you see her at the Wal-Mart, just point to her and say, "There she is. The woman who stole my daddy." Brock: Reba, I have to marry her! Reba: Have to? The only reason you'd have to marry her is-- Oh my God! Cheyenne: Dad! How could you!? Kyra: Don't worry, Mom, I know all about birth control. Reba: Oh, really? And what age is it appropriate for a young lady to become sexually active? Kyra: 40. Reba: Have I mentioned you're my favorite?

Reba (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Barbra Jean: God created women to carry babies and men to carry footballs. Dr. Susan Peters: You are just precious. Reba: My parents gave this pillow to Brock and me for our third aniversary. Kyra: Well, we know it's not a magic pillow. Cheyenne: I need to wear something that says: "Mrs. Montgomery." Kyra: How about a t-shirt that says: "I'm with Stupid?" Reba: Nothing says eternal love like the pooka. Cheyenne: Good, Van fell between the beds, once when we weren't even doing anything! Reba: I really gotta stop asking questions... Van: It doesn't matter where we sleep just as long as I'm with my wife. Cheyenne: My husband. Kyra: My lunch.

Reba (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Brock: Jake, put that down. The uterus is not a toy. Kyra: Well, that sucked! Reba: Tell me about it! Cheyenne: (as she opens the fridge, which is full of food) There is like nothing in here! Cheyenne: Do you think Dad would care about what kind of bedspread is on the bed?! Reba: It's obvious that your father doesn't care about what's on his bed!

Reba (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Cheyenne: If I could control it I'd do it on you right now. Van: Coach said B.J. was only sick for one day and do you know why that is? Cheyenne: I don't know, something to do with Jesus? Reba: There's no teenage orgy on our lawn. There's a couple frisky squirrels but I just tell Jake they're dancing. Jake: Mom, singing's lame.

Reba (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Van: See...Mrs. H, I'm "Player of the Week." Reba: So I heard...Ungawa Kyra: Mom, you hold them down and I'll whack them with the mallet! Cheyenne: It's Marci & Luanne. They're on the drill team. Kyra: Mom, you hold them down and I'll whack them with the mallet!

Reba (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0

Brock: Why is your blouse all wet? Reba: I entered a wet blouse contest. Cheyenne: What if the baby logs on one day and sees this? Reba: Don't worry. By the time the baby is old enough to log on, there will be a whole new crop of butts out there.

Reba (TV series), CC BY-SA 4.0