Quotes

Dialogue

E.B.: [after Fred talks to a Chinese woman] Fred, what'd she say? Was that about me? Fred O'Hare: [In Chinese; subtitled] She thinks Easter is cool. Talking rabbits freak her out. E.B.: You speak Chinese? Just when I think I can't love you anymore.

Dialogue

David Hasselhoff: Stop, stop, stop, stop! [music stops] I don't wanna hear it anymore. Fred: Oh, c'mon, Mr. Hoff, we've been waiting all day. Give the guy a chance. David Hasselhoff: I gave him a chance. I didn't like it. [drumroll as the camera moves closer to him] I loved it! E.B.: WOO-HOO! Yes! David Hasselhoff: Hoff knows talent, and that rabbit's got talent! [laughs] E.B.: [jumps down from the drum set] Thank you, David Hasselhoff! I will not let you down! This is a golden opportunity and one I intend to realize fully! [pause] Hey, wait. You're not surprised I'm a talking rabbit. David Hasselhoff: Little man, my best friend's a talking car. [E.B. looks at Fred who shrugs] Can you make it to a live taping of the show Saturday night? I'll send a limo. [E.B. nods]

Dialogue

Fred: Alright, look, if it means that much to you, then I'll swing by. Sam O'Hare: No, Fred. No, you don't swing by, okay? You shower, you shave, and you show up. The 3 "Shh"s! Come on, Fred, you've got to start your life. Think of this as a reboot. Fred: Right. Sam: It's time. Fred: [pause] Y'know what, you're right. In a couple of months... [Sam squints] In a couple of weeks, you're gonna see a whole new Fred. Yeah. By Easter. Easter's in two weeks. By Easter, I'm gonna get a new job, a new place, a new life. Sam: Great! Fred: [picks up his bag] Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go sleep in my car.

Dialogue

Voice at Playboy Mansion: [through an intercom] Listen to me, this is the Playboy Mansion, it's not a hotel. E.B.: [looking into a map] Yeah, right, but it says here that ever since 1971, the Playboy Mansion has been home to sexy bunnies from around the world. Voice at Playboy Mansion: Friend, I can't see you. Please step forward. E.B.: [stepping closer, face still in the map] Now, I'm telling you that I am both a bunny and incredibly sexy. Voice at Playboy Mansion: I don't have time for this. [clicks the intercom off] E.B.: Hello? Hello? Ugh, maybe this is the rags part of my rags-to-riches story.

Dialogue

Fred: [parks the car] Oh man, I'm really late. E.B.: Late for what? What are we doing? Fred: I have a job interview. You're staying here. E.B.: But here's boring. Lemme come with you. I could be a job reference. Fred: Thank you, I appreciate it. Look, I really need this job, and I don't think anyone in there is gonna be able to handle you. I'm not sure I can handle you. So just do me a favor, wait in the car. [gets out of the car] E.B.: Fred, I don't wanna get your hopes up, but I think you're definitely gonna get this job. Fred: Be good. [walks away] E.B.: Yes, sir. I'll stay here and guard the vehicle.

Dialogue

Mrs. Beck: So, recent employment history... You haven't worked in a year? Fred: Yeah, my parents have moved in with me. That has sort of been a full-time job. Fred: It’s fine. It just gets in the way of writing my novel, is all. Mrs. Beck: You're writing a novel? What's that about? Fred: It's, uh, it's about a crippled soldier, who in the future goes to another planet, and becomes one of the indigenous people who are, uh, blue and live in a forest. Mrs. Beck: That's not Avatar? Fred: Not really. Mrs. Beck: So why don’t we, uh, take a walk and I can tell you a little bit about the company. Fred: Okay.

Dialogue

E.B.: Fred, I've just had an idea. When I'm a famous rock star, I'm going to buy a mansion just like this, and make you sleep in the garage in a topsy-turvy switcheroo. What do you think? Fred: Oh, man. My sister's here! E.B.: You never told me you had a sister. There's still so much we don't know about each other, Fred. Fred: Oh, man. If she goes upstairs, I'm dead. E.B.: Why? Fred: Why? Let me take you back to this morning when you flooded the bathroom and you trashed the bedroom. Remember that? E.B.: Fred, leave this to me. I'll smooth it out with her. Ow! Hey! Fred: Look at me. One word out of you, and it's rabbit season. You got it? Okay, I'm going to run interference. I need you to sneak upstairs and clean up, quietly.

Dialogue

E.B.: Look, I'm supposed to take over this year, but...I ran away. Fred: Are you crazy? Who wouldn't wanna be the Easter Bunny? That's, like, the greatest job ever. E.B.: Yeah, you'd think so, but it's what my dad wants, not me. He expects so much. What's left of me to do but let him down? Fred: Hmm, sounds familiar. Sometimes fathers just don't get it. E.B.: [frustrated] H-He told me I only ever think of myself! Fred: Other times they hit the nail right on the head. E.B.: C'mon, Fred. I know we said we'd go our own separate ways, but please, you gotta protect me. Fred: Look, I'm sorry, but I can't really leave you places, I can't really take you places, and I gotta go to my sister's play tonight. E.B.: Oh, I like plays. [looks up with sad eyes] Fred: We should go see a play that my sister's not in and my family will not be attending. E.B.: [pause] I understand. Just drop me off at the bus station. I'm sure I'll be fine. I could be one of those street drummers...with a bucket!

Dialogue

Fred: Goodbye! E.B.: But I want to stay with you! Fred, please, don’t go. Fred: I'm already late. So go away. E.B.: Oh, come on, man. [follows Fred] Fred, mate! I'll behave. I'll clean up this mess. I'll do the dishes! Fred: Not your problem. There's no dishes in the wild. E.B.: No, Fred, but... I'm special! Fred: Well, we're all special. E.B.: [jumps onto Fred's car] You're not getting it. I don't mean special as in "everybody's special", like we're different. I mean I'm really special. [crouches and lets some candy out] Fred: What're you doing? E.B.: [stands up] See? Fred: [looks behind E.B.] Jelly beans? E.B.: Mmm-hmm.

Dialogue

David Hasselhoff: There he is. [E.B. turns around] How's my little guy. E.B.: Actually, David Hasselhoff, I've got a problem. David Hasselhoff: Hmm. [he snaps his fingers and chairs are placed for him and E.B.] Is it the jitters? Believe me, even I used to get them. Now, I find a good way... E.B.: [interrupts the Hoff] No, it's not the jitters, David. I'm starting to realize I might be a really selfish rabbit. Look, I love drumming, but when my friend needed me most, I left him in a house full of highly-trained ninja bunnies. What am I gonna do? David Hasselhoff: Hmm, a dilemma as old as time itself. E.B.: I know if I left right now, I'd be giving up fame. David Hasselhoff: And untold riches. E.B.: And untold riches. David Hasselhoff: And all the bunnies you could ever want. E.B.: Yes, and all the... You're not really helping much, David, like, at all! And Fred could be in real trouble. David Hasselhoff: [pause, referring to Fred] Go to him. [gets up and turns around] Go...to...him. An

Dialogue

Mr. Bunny: E.B.? E.B.!!! E.B.: [stops drumming] Oh! Hello, Dad! What do you think? Mr. Bunny: Um, uh, what do I... Uh, well, it's great. Really-really, uh, kicking. But, E.B., shouldn't you be rehearsing your speech? You're about to be crowned the Easter Bunny in front of 3,000 of your peers. E.B.: Um, yeah. About that. Mr. Bunny: Yes? E.B.: Look, Dad. [clears his throat] Ever since I was yea big, it's always been, "The Easter Bunny wouldn't do that." and "The Easter Bunny has to be perfect.". But I'm not perfect. Mr. Bunny: I know that, son. But you'll get there eventually. E.B.: Yes. But I'm... [sighs] Listen, you want me to be this. [picks up an Easter egg] But maybe I'm not this. Maybe I'm this. [he hands him a sock on the floor] Mr. Bunny: A sock? [he grunts in disgust after smelling it] E.B.: That's right. I might be a metaphorical sock. I might not be a good enough egg, but I might be the best sock ever! I might not cut it, delivering Easter baskets, but I might be great at some