Quotes

Dialogue

Cavanaugh: 20 bucks on Riggs and Murtaugh. Cop #2: Who’s driving? Captain Murphy: Murtaugh. In his wife’s station wagon. Cop #2: I'll take that bet! Cavanaugh: I knew nothing about the wife’s station wagon. Bet’s off! Captain Murphy: Hey! Shut up!

Dialogue

Murtaugh: Japanese? Riggs: Well, it’s a Japanese radio. Murtaugh: Maybe they bought the LAPD too. Riggs: They own everything else.

Dialogue

Riggs: Well if it isn't Mrs. Sigmund Fraud. Dr. Woods: My door is always open, Sergeant. Riggs: Well, I think we should keep this on a professional level, don't you, Doc? Dr. Woods: Why do you do this to yourself, Riggs? Riggs: Well, who else am I supposed to do it to? [Indicates the other cops] None of them'll let me. Besides, I need the money.

Dialogue

Murtaugh: [Calmly] Trish, take the kids upstairs. Carrie: Daddy, we learn about this every day in human devolvement. Murtaugh: In human what?! Human development what?! Trish! Carrie: Development, Daddy. Chill out. Murtaugh: Human development?! Trish: Come on guys, upstairs. Nick, upstairs. You know how your father is.

Dialogue

Leo: Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me! Fellas! Murtaugh: What? Leo: Excuse me, guys. This is tuna. I hate tuna, okay? I refuse to get stuck with tuna. Now, come on. Murtaugh: Hey, Leo, don't eat the tuna. Leo: Oh, where were you? I just said that. I'm not eating this. I'm not eating tuna. Come on. Let's go back. Murtaugh: We're not goin' back. So, just shut up! Leo: Oh, sure. Don't go back. Okay. Okay, don't go back. That's it. Can I give you two guys a friendly piece of advice, okay? Don't ever go up to the drive-thru! Okay? Always walk up to the counter. You know why? Okay. Okay. They fuck you at the drive-thru! Okay?! They fuck you at the drive-thru! They know you're gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked! Okay? They know you're not gonna turn around and go back. So they don't care. Who gets fucked? Oh, Leo Getz! Okay, sure! I don't give a fuck! I'm not eatin' this tuna! Okay?! Riggs and Murtaugh: SHUT UP!!

Dialogue

Captain Murphy: I got something special for you boys. A guy by the name of Getz, Leo Getz has been placed in protective custody. And you two guys are gonna babysit him until Washington sends out the feds. Riggs: How long? Captain Murphy: Soon as all the red tape is processed. Couple, three days. This guy Getz is gonna testify before a commission of inquiry. Drugs, laundered money, et cetera, et cetera. This is not a shit assignment. Riggs: Yes, it is. Captain Murphy: No, it isn’t. Murtaugh: [coughs from Riggs' smoke] It is. Captain Murphy: It isn’t. Murtaugh: Captain, it’s a shit assignment. Captain Murphy: Shut up, the both of ya. Captain Murphy: I guaranteed this guy’s safety. Murtaugh: Why us? Captain Murphy: Because you two are the most qualified for the job. And, after last night, you could use the break. Murtaugh: I can handle last night. Riggs: What are we supposed to do with him? Captain Murphy: How the hell should I know? Take him to Disneyland. Riggs: Oh, this stinks. This st

Dialogue

Riggs: Shut up. Leo: Okay, I get it. Bad cop, good cop. Murtaugh: Shut up. Leo: Okay, okay, bad cop, bad cop. I know the routine.

Dialogue

Leo: Ok, I got it, I got it, ok. Riggs: Yeah. Leo: Ok, here... I'm who I am... Riggs: Mm-hmm. Leo: You're a drug dealer. I work in a bank, ok? Ok, now, you have money that you hafta have laundered: Whaddya do? Riggs: I bring it to you. Leo: Uh uh... [points to Murtaugh] He does. Murtaugh: Me? Uh, I-I don't understand. Uh, why me? Who am I? Leo: Ok, ok, ok, I'll tell ya. You're a carrier. You work for him. [points back to Riggs] Riggs: I'm the drug dealer. Leo: Right. [is disgusted at how sloppy Riggs and Murtaugh are eating their food] Don'tchu have PLATES? [offers them napkins] Here, come on, what is this? Come on, guys. Ok... I deposit the cash... into the account of a dummy finance company. Now... [to Murtaugh] then, I issue you a cashier's check... [back to Riggs] in his name. Minus a small commission for myself, ok? [notices Riggs is now cleaning his gun] The spring goes in the other en— Riggs: You like breathing? Murtaugh: H-How much? Leo: 2% standard. Now... Murtaugh: Not bad, L

Dialogue

Murtaugh: I'm gonna die on the toilet. Riggs: Guys like you don't die on toilets.

Dialogue

Consulate Envoy: What can I do for you today? Leo: Okay, I have this problem, this very delicate matter. I have a friend of mine, wants to emigrate to South Africa. Consulate Envoy: Yes, of course. I can certainly help him do that. Leo: Oh sure. But I want you to talk him out of it. Consulate Envoy: Talk him out of it? Leo: Yeah. Consulate Envoy: Whatever for? Leo: W-well, you see, this is such a bad time for him to go to South Africa. I mean with all the trouble and everything, okay. Consulate Envoy: Look, why don’t you ask your friend to come back later in the week. We can sit down- Leo: No, he’s here. He’s here. Consulate Envoy: He’s here? Leo: Yeah, he’s here now. Consulate Envoy: Where? Leo: Alphonse! Alphonse? Murtaugh: How you doing? Consulate Envoy: [dumbstruck] I think there must be some mistake. Murtaugh: Say what? Consulate Envoy: Sir, listen to your friend, here. He knows what he’s talking about. I don’t think you want to go to South Africa. Murtaugh: Why not? Consulate Env

Dialogue

Murtaugh: Riggs, we’re not going to the fucking stilt house. We’re under orders! Riggs: Well then the stilt house is gonna have to come to me. You don’t understand, Rog, they killed them both. They killed them both. They got Rika and my wife.

Dialogue

Riggs: Don’t try and stop me, Rog. Murtaugh: Yeah, I’ve seen that look in your eyes before. Riggs: They declared war on the police. Murtaugh: You know about that? Riggs: I heard it on the radio. Murtaugh: We don’t have the authority. Riggs: Cavanaugh...Wyler...Shapiro...Rika, Vicky— How much fucking authority do you need? Murtaugh: You got a plan? Riggs: Drive around the front of the house...wait for my signal...and then just go in and shoot those fuckers. Murtaugh: They got Leo. Riggs: [look to Murtaugh] Be careful. Murtaugh: Wait. What’s your signal? Riggs: You’ll know it when it happens. Murtaugh: Somehow, I think I will know.

Dialogue

Rudd: Diplomatic immunity. Murtaugh: It’s just been revoked.