Quotes

Dialogue

Mr. Brown: Let me tell you what Like a Virgin is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks. Mr. Blonde: No, no. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable. She's been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive... Mr. Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Time out, Greenbay. Tell that fuckin' bullshit to the tourists. Joe Cabot: [looking at his address book] Toby... Who the fuck is Toby? Mr. Brown: Like a Virgin is not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That's what True Blue is about. Granted, no argument about that. Mr. Orange: Which one is True Blue? Nice Guy Eddie: You ain't heard True Blue? It was a big ass hit for Madonna. I don't even follow this Tops of the Pops shit, and even I've heard of True Blue. Mr. Orange: Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan. Mr. Blonde: Personally,

Dialogue

Mr. Blonde: Joe, you want me to shoot this guy for you? Mr. White: Shit, you shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize.

Dialogue

Nice Guy Eddie: C'mon, throw in a buck! Mr. Pink: Uh-uh, I don't tip. Nice Guy Eddie: You don't tip? Mr. Pink: I don't believe in it. Nice Guy Eddie: You don't believe in tipping? Mr. Blue: You know what these chicks make? They make shit. Mr. Pink: Don't give me that. She don't make enough money, she can quit. Nice Guy Eddie: I don't even know a fucking Jew who'd have the balls to say that. Let me just get this straight: you don't ever tip, huh? Mr. Pink: I don't tip because society says I have to. Alright, I mean I'll tip if somebody really deserves a tip. If they really put forth the effort, I'll give them something extra. But I mean, this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job. Mr. Blue: Hey, this girl was nice. Mr. Pink: She was OK. But she wasn't anything special. Mr. Blue: What's special? Take you in the back and suck your dick? Nice Guy Eddie: I'd go over twelve percent for that. Mr. Pink: Look, I ordered coffee,

Dialogue

Mr. White: Relax. Have a cigarette. Mr. Pink: I quit. Mr. White: Alright. Mr. Pink: Why, you got one?

Dialogue

Mr. White: Okay. Let's go through what happened. Mr. Pink: Okay. Mr. White: We're in the place, everything's going fine. Then the alarm gets tripped. I turn around, and all these cops are outside. You're right, it was like, bam! [snaps fingers] I blink my eyes, and they're there. Everybody starts goin' apeshit, and Mr. Blonde starts to shoot all the-- Mr. Pink: [interrupting] That's not correct. Mr. White: What's wrong with it? Mr. Pink: Okay. The cops did not show up when the alarm went off. The cops didn't show up until after Mr. Blonde started shootin' everybody. Mr. White: As soon as I heard the alarm, I saw the cops-- Mr. Pink: No, man, I'm telling you it wasn't that soon. They let--they didn't let their presence be known until after Mr. Blonde became a madman. I'm not sayin' they weren't there, I'm sayin' they were, but they didn't make, their-their move until after Mr. Blonde started shootin' everybody. I mean, that's how I know we were set up. C'mon, Mr. White, you can, I mean,

Dialogue

Mr. Pink: Man, could you believe Mr. Blonde? Mr. White: That was the most insane fuckin' thing I have ever seen. Why the fuck would Joe hire a guy like that? Mr. Pink: I mean, I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standin' in my way, one way or the other you're gettin' out of my way. Mr. White: [while splashing water on his face in the sink] That's the way I look at it. The choice between doin' ten years, or takin' out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all. [dries his face off with a paper towel] But I ain't no madman, either! What the fuck was Joe thinkin' when he came up with a guy like that? We were awful goddamn lucky he didn't tag us when he shot the place up. I came this close to takin' his ass out myself! Mr. Pink: [taking his gun out to reload it] I mean, everybody panics. Everybody. Things get tense...it's human nature, you panic. I don't care what your name is, you can't help it. Mr. Pink: Fuck, man, you panic on the inside. In yo

Dialogue

Mr. Pink: We ain't taking him to a hospital. Mr. White: If we don't, he'll die. Mr. Pink: And I'm very sad about that. But some fellas are lucky, and some ain't.

Dialogue

Mr. White: You better start talkin', asshole! Cause we got shit we need to talk about. We're already freaked out, we need you actin' freaky like we need a fuckin' bag on our hip. Mr. Blonde: [calmly] OK, let's talk. Mr. White: We think we got a rat in the house. Mr. Pink: I guarantee we got a rat in the house! Mr. Blonde: What makes you say that? Mr. White: Is that supposed to be funny? Mr. Pink: Look, we think this place ain't safe. Mr. White: This place just ain't secure anymore. We're leaving, you should go with us. Mr. Blonde: Nobody's going anywhere. Mr. White: [about Mr. Blonde] Piss on this fucking turd! [To Mr. Pink] We're outta here. Mr. Blonde: Don't take another step, Mr. White. Mr. White: [screams] Fuck you, maniac! It's your fuckin' fault we're in this trouble! Mr. Blonde: [calmly to Mr. Pink] What's this guy's problem? Mr. White: What's my problem? Yeah, I gotta fuckin' problem! I gotta big fuckin' problem with any trigger-happy madman who almost gets me shot! Mr. Blonde:

Dialogue

I don't wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you're standing in my way, one way or the other, you're gettin' outta my way.

Dialogue

Mr. Pink: We were set up. The cops were there waitin' for us. Nice Guy Eddie: What? Nobody fuckin' set anybody up. Mr. Pink: The cops were there waitin' for us, man! Nice Guy Eddie: Bullshit. Mr. Pink: Hey, fuck you, man! You weren't there, we were! And I'm tellin' you, the cops had the place staked out! Nice Guy Eddie: Okay, Mr. Fuckin' Detective, you're so fuckin' smart? Huh? Who did it? Mr. Pink: What the hell do ya think we've been askin' each other? Nice Guy Eddie: Yeah? And what'd you come up with, huh? You think I did it? You think I fuckin' set you up? Mr. Pink: I don't know! But somebody did! Nice Guy Eddie: Nobody did. You fuckin' assholes turned the jewelry store into a Wild West show-- Mr. White: [interrupting] Don't you call me an asshole! Nice Guy Eddie: You fuckin' idiots turned the fuckin' jewelry store into a Wild West show-- Mr. White: [interrupting again] Don't you call me a fuckin' idiot! Nice Guy Eddie: [louder] --and you wonder why the fuckin' cops show up?!

Dialogue

Mr. White: [gesturing towards Mr. Orange, who is bleeding out on the floor] What are you gonna do about him? Nice Guy Eddie: Jesus Christ, gimme a fuckin' chance to breathe, here. I got a few questions of my own. Mr. White: [gesturing towards Mr. Orange again] You ain't dyin'. He is. Nice Guy Eddie: [exasperatedly] All right, Mr. Fuckin' COMPASSION! I will call somebody! Mr. White: Who? Nice Guy Eddie: [incredulously] ...a fuckin' snake charmer! Who do you think? I'll call a doctor, they'll fix him right up!

Dialogue

If you fucking beat this prick long enough, he'll tell you he started the goddamn Chicago fire, now that don't necessarily make it fucking so!

Dialogue

Nice Guy Eddie: Now, what happened to Brown and Blue? Mr. Pink: Brown's dead. We don't know what happened to Blue. Nice Guy Eddie: Brown's dead? Are you sure? Mr. White: I'm sure. I was there. He took one in the head. Nice Guy Eddie: Nobody's got a clue what happened to Mr. Blue? Mr. Blonde: Either he's alive or he's dead, or the cops got him... or they don't.

Dialogue

Nice Guy Eddie: All right, first things fuckin' last. Who's got the stones? Please, somebody at least tell me, just one little fuckin' favor, just for my sake-- Mr. Pink: [interrupting] I got a bag. I got a bag, okay? I stashed it until we could be sure this place wasn't a police station! Nice Guy Eddie: Good for you. Now let's go get it. But first we gotta get rid of those cars outside, it looks like Sam's Hot Car Lot out there. Okay. Blondie, you sit here and babysit them two. White and Pink, you take a car each. I'll follow you. You ditch 'em, pick up the stones. And while I'm followin' you, I'll arrange some sort of a doctor for our friend. [pointing at Mr. Orange] Mr. White: [pointing at Mr. Blonde] You can't leave these guys here with him. Nice Guy Eddie: Why not? Mr. White: Because he's a fuckin' psycho. And if you think Joe's pissed off, that ain't nothin' compared to how pissed off I am at him, for puttin' me in the same room as that bastard! Mr. Blonde: You see what I've been

Dialogue

[about to light the cop on fire] Have some fire, scarecrow.

Dialogue

Mr. Orange: This is a very weird situation. 'Cause I don't know if you remember back in '86 there was a major fucking drought. Nobody had anything. People were living on resin... smoking the wood in their pipes for months. This chick had a bunch. And she's begging me to sell it. So I told her I wasn't going to be Joe the potman anymore, but I would take a little bit and sell it to my close, close, close friends. She agreed to that, said we'd keep the same arrangement as before; 10%, free pot for me, as long as I helped her out that weekend. She had a brick of weed she was selling, she didn't want to go to the buy alone. Her brother usually goes with her, but he's in county unexpectedly. Mr. White: What for? Mr. Orange: His traffic tickets. Got a warrant. They stopped him for something, found warrants on him, took him to county. Now she doesn't walk around alone with all that weed. I don't want to do this. I have a very bad feeling about it. But she keeps asking me, keeps asking me, kee

Dialogue

Joe: So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Five guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the fuck they got there. What should we have done, what didn't we do, who's fault is it, is it my fault, your fault, his fault, all that bullshit. Then one of them says, hey. Wait a minute. When we were planning this caper, all we did was sit around tellin' fuckin' jokes! Get the message? Boys, I don't mean to holler at ya. When this caper's over - and I'm sure it'll be a successful one - we'll get down to the Hawaiian Islands, hell, I'll roll and laugh with all of ya. You'll find me a different character down there. Right now, it's a matter of business. With the exception of Eddie and myself, whom you already know, we're going to be using aliases on this job. Under no circumstances do I want any one of you to relate to each other by your Christian names, and I don't want any t

Dialogue

Mr. Orange: What happens if the manager won't give you the diamonds? Mr. White: When you're dealing with a store like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer, or an employee, who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Everybody jumps. He falls down screaming, blood squirts out of his nose, nobody says fucking shit after that. You might get some bitch talkin' shit to you, but give her a look like you're gonna smash her face next, watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. Managers know better than to fuck around, so if you get one that's giving you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy, so you gotta break that son of a bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear. … I'm hungr

Dialogue

Nice Guy Eddie: [distraught, kneeling next to Blonde's corpse] What the fuck happened? Mr. Orange: He slashed the cop's face, cut off his ear, and was gonna burn him alive. Nice Guy Eddie: [walking over towards Officer Nash and Mr. Orange] What? I didn't hear you. Mr. Orange: I said, Blonde went crazy. He slashed the cop's face, cut off his ear, and was gonna burn him alive. Nice Guy Eddie: [nodding] This cop? Mr. Orange: ...no... Nice Guy Eddie: He went crazy, something like that? Worse or better? Mr. Orange: Eddie, he was pullin' a burn, man. He was gonna kill the cop and me, and when you guys walked through the door, he was gonna blow you to hell and make off with the diamonds. Mr. White: What'd I tell you? That sick piece of shit was a stone cold psycho! Mr. Orange: You could've asked the cop, if you didn't just kill him! He talked about what he was gonna do when he was slicin' him up! Nice Guy Eddie: I don't buy it. It doesn't make sense. Mr. White: Makes perfect fuckin' sense to