Quotes

Tonight, the Spirits Will Be Resurrected! Amanojaku [Episode 1]

Reiichirou: [to movers] Put that in the back room. Mover: You got it. Reiichirou: The rest of them will be all right. The movers will take care of it. Don't worry. Grandpa: Why you want to live in your dead wife's old house is beyond me. It's sick! You're sick! Satsuki: Wow, Dad! Grandpa's place is so big! Can we go upstairs? Reiichirou: Sure! Just don't bother them. Grandpa: [about his wife beside him] When this bitch kicks, I'm moving to Vegas.

Tonight, the Spirits Will Be Resurrected! Amanojaku [Episode 1]

Hajime: Ooh, white panties. Yo. My name's Hajime. You're the new transfer student, aren't ya? Satsuki: Yes, but it's none of your business. I guess you're the new pervert? Hajime: [indignantly] Whatever! I was here first, you know! Listen, you flashed me. Remember that! Reiichirou: Satsuki! Keiichiro! Help me with your mother, will ya? Satsuki and Keiichiro: Okay! Reiichiro: Just grab her picture. Hajime: [ponders] So, she doesn't have a mother. Sad.

The Hand that Came out of the Toilet... Red Paper, Blue Paper [Episode 2]

Satsuki: What are you doing? Quit following us! Amanojaku: You two morons are just walking in front of me. Watch for dogs. Satsuki: Go home. We're going to school. Amanojaku: Sounds good. I don't have anything better to do. Satsuki: You're a cat now, stupid. Amanojaku: For your information, I've been haunting that school before you two blew into town. Keiichiro: I think he's got a point. Satsuki: Don't take his side, if you know what's good for you. I can't believe our sweet precious cat is now possessed by a Keebler elf reject. With bad gas. Amanojaku: That'll teach you to make fun of me. The Lord Amanojaku. Leo: [coming from behind, with Hajime] This is fascinating! Even though he's trapped in a cat's body, he still possesses ghostly powers. Kinda like David Blaine. Satsuki: Save it for the science fair. Leo: You're just jealous of my psychical research. You know what Harvard's president said about girls and science. Hajime: You may know about science, but you don't know diddly about

The Hand that Came out of the Toilet... Red Paper, Blue Paper [Episode 2]

I'm too young to die. The only person I've had sex with is my babysitter.

Raise the Curtain! Cursed School Arts Festival Kutabe! [Episode 3]

Satsuki: I guess the school fine arts festival's not gonna happen. Leo: I can't believe it. And I stayed up all night working on my costume and props. [shows his handiwork] Momoko: Oh, my. What a gifted seamstress. I hope you're not a homosexual. Leo: A Jew who can act and sew, so obviously I'm gay. I'm not gay, you born-again homophobe halfwit!

Raise the Curtain! Cursed School Arts Festival Kutabe! [Episode 3]

Spiritual Sleep Spell: Kutabe! Kutabe! Kick the bucket! Kutabe! Kutabe! You can suck it! Keiichiro: Kutabe! Kutabe...! Oh, are we done?

Requim From the Dead - Elise [Episode 4]

[after a run-in with the music instructor] Ugh, the music teacher. What a bitch.

Requim From the Dead - Elise [Episode 4]

Keiichiro: You're gonna die. Satsuki: [patiently] I'm not gonna die. Keiichiro: Are you sure you're not gonna die? Satsuki: Are you talking about the piano ghost? Satsuki: I'm sure I'll live a long, miserable life of heartbreak and alcoholism before a ghost takes me out. Keiichiro: [in tears] If you're lying, thank you. Satsuki: [turns to her brother] I told you I'm going to be fine. Why are you still crying? Keiichiro: Beacuse these pajamas are gay. Satsuki: Yeah. Keiichiro: [happily] You think so too? Thanks. I thought it was just me! Good night!

The Bloody Sports Festival - Datto! [Episode 5]

Satsuki: Joel Osteen's church wouldn't be my choice for a vacation. Momoko: If you prefer, we could go to Praise World in Topeka. Satsuki: I'll stick with Knott's Berry Farm. Thanks. [slips and falls] Hajime: So much for Twyla Tharp callin' your ass! Satsuki: I hate you. Satsuki: Laugh it up. I'd save the developing costs if I were you. [lifts up her skirt] BAM! For the rest of the semester, it's gonna be bike shorts from Nike! Hajime: Damn it! She's on to me.

The Bloody Sports Festival - Datto! [Episode 5]

Satsuki: A car accident, huh? Must've been hit by an old Chinaman. I don't mean to be racist, but those people cannot drive. Keiichiro: I know. [pause] But that's beside the point. I think he was lonely. Hajime: After all that training, you're still such a little bitch. Satsuki: But for a ghost, Datto wasn't such a bad guy. Leo: Yeah, weren't you the one checking out his butt at the track the other day? Satsuki: You can shut up. Narc. Leo: No! It's okay. I mean, he had a nice butt. Even I noticed. It's okay. Satsuki: Just drop it! Leo: I don't know why you're so ashamed about it. You're a butt chick. I don't mind. Satsuki: What are you doing? Keiichiro: Datto can have it. The pin keeps sticking my nipple. Here! [hurls the medal into the sky] Everyone else: Aw. Little bitch.

The Demon's Hand Splits the Door - Night of Tragedy [Episode 6]

Satsuki: Let's eat! Momoko: Let's pray first! Amanojaku: [laughs] You need to pray. Satsuki: God, don't you have anything better to do? Amanojaku: Let me put it this way: "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before Dad gets home." Satsuki: Alright, how'd you hear? Amanojaku: One who walks with the lotus cheetah seeks the magnolia mountain in springtime. Satsuki: Don't screw with me! If you know something, just say it! Amanojaku: [mockingly] I won't do it! [normal voice] If you're so smart, figure it out yourself. Or die trying! [laughs]

The Demon's Hand Splits the Door - Night of Tragedy [Episode 6]

Hajime: Hello. Momoko: Oh, look. A different heathen. Satsuki: [annoyed] It's you. Get lost! Hajime: [steps into the house] Come on! Let me see what happens on girl's night. Satsuki: Mind your own business. Hajime: Oh, my. Sounds like you bailed on We. [sniffs the air] And switched to Rachel Ray. Love her! [walks past Satsuki and Momoko] Satsuki: [after a beat] She's fat.

The Soul-Stealing Mirror! Utsushimi! [Episode 7]

Hajime: A police station! Thank God! I never thought I'd be happy to see one of those things! [they enter the station] Hey, put the donuts down! Drop the Krispy Kremes, Serpico! We need your help here! Satsuki: These people in my house look like my father and my brother after an eye master's exam, but it's not them! Hajime: Yeah! [babbles incoherently; translation: They're impostors! They wear glasses, but they don't have eyes!]

The Soul-Stealing Mirror! Utsushimi! [Episode 7]

Satsuki: Why on Earth did we decide to hole up in the old school house? Why? Why?! Hajime: Because the mall was closed. I don't know. Satsuki: We passed REI, we passed on Oshman's. We passed Neiman's, for Christ's sakes! You're an IDIOT!

The Circuit Connects to Hell - Demon of the Underworld [Episode 8]

Satsuki: You know, kids would stop talking about you if you'd get out more. Kinda de-geek yourself. Leo: Geeks run the world! Satsuki: But they're not getting their pee-pees waxed now, are they? [holds out a fast food restaurant coupon] Here. Leo: What's the catch? Satsuki: Oh, my God! Their stock is in the toilet! And now they have fruit salads, chicken tenders, and tofu fries! Hajime: Why would you eat there? Didn't you see Super Size Me? Satsuki: They had a coupon in the paper, and I know what a tight ass you are. Besides, they've got an Æon Flux giggity meal. Hajime: What?! An Æon Flux giggity meal?! Yes! Yes! Oh, my God! A pocket-sized Charlize Theron of my very own to carry around with me all day long! SWEET! There is a God! Satsuki: Better get extra napkins with yours. Can't believe I said that. So it's settled! Let's meet at the creepy train station.

The Circuit Connects to Hell - Demon of the Underworld [Episode 8]

Satsuki: His computer's still on! He's in trouble! Keiichiro: Dude, we're gettin' a Dell. Satsuki: "Dude" got busted for pot.

The Nurse Who Tells Your Death - Mother's Feelings [Episode 12]

Nurse: ¡No corran en el hospital, cabrones! Satsuki: ¿Perdon, has visto al niño que luce que esta en el primo grado? Nurse: ¡No, estupidas! Satsuki: [sets off] ¡A veo! !Gracias! Nurse: ¡Dije que no corran!

The Picture That Swallows People - Da Vinci [Episode 13]

Satsuki: Okay. I'll smoke Da Vinci with incense, and you chant the spell. Kayako: So bossy. Hajime: What are we doin'? Satsuki: Smoking Da Vinci with incense while she chants the spell! GOD!

The Picture That Swallows People - Da Vinci [Episode 13]

[chants her spell] Paint, paint, dry real quick!

The Devil's Spell - Rite of Darkness [Episode 15]

Tony Orlando good-luck ribbon for good grades to come to me, Paris Hilton slut kilt for a tighter ass, and a suppository for a flatter tummy. There. I'm good to go!

The Devil's Spell - Rite of Darkness [Episode 15]

Satsuki: [attempts to make a phone call] Moshi-moshi? I mean, hello. I'm sorry to call you at this hour. Can I speak to Tomomi? Woman: Tomomi? Ain't no Tomomi girl livin' here. Sober up. Satsuki: [gasps] Woman: Get your crackhead ass into some rehab. I ain't got time for this bull-- Satsuki: Mother-[bleep]-ker!