Quotes

Other

Maybe other people think I can't win a beauty pageant, but other people didn't think I could beat out Becky Leeman for President of the gun club either, and I did. It's just like Anthony Robins says, "I'm a winner, nobody can stop me, but me".

Other

Annette: I shoved your tap shoes in my panties before I was blown out of the house, you go find the guy who cut them off, he'll give 'em to you so you can practice for the pageant. Leslie: They'll never let you perform naked, I asked. Hank: Harold, Harold, Are we on cops again Harold?

Dialogue

I want a big bag of little donuts.

Dialogue

Iris: It's a $200 fine. Gladys: I told you I'd move the car if a cripple came. Now, just run in the store and pick out some outfits.

Dialogue

Gladys: Wait, wait, wait. I think I just thought of a theme... "Proud to be an American". Interviewer: So what was the theme of the pageant last year? Gladys: Oh, that was "Buy American". Interviewer: And the year before that was? Gladys: "USA's A-OK" Interviewer: And can you remember the theme of your favourite pageant? Gladys: Can I? "Amer-I-Can!" People ask me where I get this, I don't know, maybe it's a gift from God, or something.

Dialogue

Candy Striper: Hey, lil' Miss Sad-pants and her friend Serious Sally, how about some nice cool mints to turn those frowns upside-down. Loretta: D'ya think a nice cool mint'd help if I shoved your head up your ass?

Dialogue

Gladys: You-betcha, Rebecca's ready. She's been singin' and dancin' since she was knee high to a pig's eye. Lester: Yah-she's damn near as good as that little black fella - with the glass eye. Gladys: Sammy Davis, Jr., honey. Lester: Yeah, yeah, the Jew. Becky: Nice one, Dad. He's dead.

Dialogue

Amber: Nice, Becky, she's anorexic. Becky: She's skinny Amber, not deaf!

Dialogue

Amber: Mom! Mom! Mom! Firefighter: You family? Loretta: Oh no, she's just screaming "Mom, Mom" 'cause she's got Tourettes. She's Annette's kid, dipshit.

Dialogue

Amber: This is bullshit. Iris: Amber Atkins, that is not American Teen Princess language. Amber: Good. Because this isn't an American Teen Princess pageant. This is.. this is.. this is.. Nazi Germany! (storms off) Iris: Where do they get this stuff?

Dialogue

John Dough: Well, you know, we'll, uh, compare scores and figure out a winner. 'Cause, I mean, we don't know who the winner is yet. I have no idea who Jean picked... or Harold... no idea. Hank: I know who the winner is, I know who the winner is... Harold, I know who the winner is. John: God damn, that's it. Shut your Goddamn mouth.

Dialogue

Becky: I'm so excited. I mean, I won. I'm a winner. And I'm going to State. Gladys: She's a winner. And we're going to State!

Dialogue

Terry Macey: And you are? Amber: Mount Rose American Teen Princess. Terry: Funny, you don't look dead.