Superbad

Seth: [about Evan's mom] I am TRULY jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby. Evan: Yeah, well... least you got to suck on your dad's dick.

Superbad, CC BY-SA 4.0

Evan: Look at those nipples. Seth: They're like little baby toes. Evan: It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get. Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in. Seth: You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hides it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.

Superbad, CC BY-SA 4.0

Seth: You know it's been like two years since I've seen an actual human female nipple? Evan: Shauna? Shauna was 2 years ago now? Seth: Yeah. Evan: I guess so, but she was insanely hot. Seth: Exactly, she was TOO hot, okay? That's what sucks! Evan: How can that possibly suck? I'd be psyched if I gotten with her. You got like two dozen handjobs. Seth: Yes, and 3/4 of a blowjob, but who's counting, Evan? Look, it was the peak of my ass-getting career and it happened WAY, way too early. Evan: [smirks] You're like Orson Welles. Seth: Exactly! If I had paced myself, I'd be having at least steady sex with a decent looking girl. I honestly see now why Orson Welles ate his fat ass to death!

Superbad, CC BY-SA 4.0

Evan: [talking about porn sites] You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean, that could be any number of things, right? Perfect Ten? I mean, it could be a bowling site. Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going IN, which is a huge concern. Evan: Right, I didn't realize that. Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself? Evan: No. Seth: [shakes his head] Not for me.

Superbad, CC BY-SA 4.0

Seth: I joined this class because I thought I was going to be cooking with a partner. But she's never here, and I don't get twice the grades for doing all the work. Teacher: I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth. Seth: I know, but look at Evan. Just look at him. Evan: [His partner is tying on his apron] Hey, don't keep me waiting much longer, Miroki. I'm getting impatient up here. Seth: I'm over here in my unit, isolated and alone, eating my terrible tasting food, and I have to look over at that. That looks like the most fun I've ever seen in my entire life, and it's BS. ...Excuse my language. I'm just saying that I wash and dry. I'm like a single mother. Look, we all know home-ec is a joke, no offense, it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit. And I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel. I don't want to sit here, all by myself, cooking this shitty food, no offense, and I just think that I don't need to cook tiramisu. Whe

Superbad, CC BY-SA 4.0

Fogell: Yo, guys! What's up? Evan: Fogell, where have you been, man? Seth: You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what? Fogell: No, no, man. I got it. It is flawless. Check it! Evan: [examining the fake ID] Hawaii. Alright, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait, you changed your name to...McLovin? Fogell: Yeah. Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer? Fogell: No, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there. Seth: And you landed on McLovin? Fogell: Yeah. It was between that and Muhammad. Seth: Why the fuck would it between that and Muhammad? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person? Fogell: "Muhammad" is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once! Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named "Muhammad"? Fogell: Have you actually ever met anyone named "McLovin"? Seth: No! That's why you picked a dumb fuckin

Superbad, CC BY-SA 4.0