Quotes

Other

[to Bates] Will you autograph my left breast?

Dialogue

Dorrie: That aftershave. It just made my whole childhood come back with a sudden Proustian rush. Sandy Bates: Yeah? That's 'cause I'm wearing Proustian Rush by Chanel. It's-it's reduced. I got a vat of it.

Dialogue

Fan: Can I talk to you about an idea for a film I have? Sandy Bates: This is not the place. Fan: Do you have a moment, please? It's a comedy based on that whole Guyana mass suicide.

Dialogue

Fan: My mother buys meat in the same butcher shop your mother does. Sandy Bates: Oh, great. Fan: Can I have your autograph? Sandy Bates: Oh, jeez. Fan: Could you just write: "To Phyllis Weinstein, you unfaithful, lying bitch."

Dialogue

Sandy Bates: Shouldn't I stop making movies and do something that counts, like-like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something? Martian: Let me tell you, you're not the missionary type. You'd never last. And-and incidentally, you're also not Superman; you're a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes.

Dialogue

Vivian Orkin: In this film, he played the part of God. Ghost of Sandy Bates: This was not easy, folks, because, uh, you know, I-I-I didn't know what the hell I was doing, and I don't have a good voice for God. Vivian Orkin: And he received an Academy Award for his convincing portrayal of God... although they had to use another actor's voice.

Dialogue

Question Askers-Screening: Some people have claimed that your films are narcissistic. Sandy Bates: Yes, many people have said that about me over the years, but I don't think it's true. If I were to say which Greek God I take after, I would definitely not say Narcissus. Question Askers-Screening: Who would you say? Sandy Bates: Zeus.

Dialogue

UFO Follower: What have you got against intellectuals? Sandy Bates: Intellectuals? Nothing, why? UFO Follower: Mr. Bates, I've seen all your films. You really feel threatened by them. Sandy Bates: Threatened? You're kidding me. I've always said they're like the mafia. They only kill their own.