Tommy Boy

Big Tom Callahan: Of course, I can get a good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it. Michelle Brock: Listen up, you little spazoids! I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep. I swear to everything holy that your mothers will cry when they see what I've done to you! Ray Zalinkski: Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z." Cow Farmer: Hey! Get off my property!

Tommy Boy, CC BY-SA 4.0

Young Richard: Late again, Tommy. You're pathetic. Young Tommy: Shut up, Richard!

Tommy Boy, CC BY-SA 4.0

Question #1: Some of the Framers of the United States Constitution included Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and _____ Hancock. Tommy: (writes down) Herbie.

Tommy Boy, CC BY-SA 4.0

Tommy: [gets off the airplane] Richard Hayden! Richard: Tommy. Tommy: Where's my Dad? I thought he was supposed to pick me up at the airport? Richard: He was at the airport this morning, but you weren't on the plane. Tommy: He said he had a surprise for me. Richard: Maybe. I guess that's why you should've called. Tommy: I did call, earlier, when... using the phone. Richard: Earlier? When was that? Tommy: Er... later... When, when then I, I left a message. Richard: A message? What number did you call? Tommy: Two... four.. niner... five, six seven... Richard: I can't hear you, you're trailing off. And did I hear a "niner" in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie? Tommy: No, it was cordless. Richard: You know what? Don't. Not here, not now. Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated. Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right. Tommy: Hey, you know a lot of people go to college for seven years. Richard: I know. They're called doctors. [looks behind Tommy as his lugga

Tommy Boy, CC BY-SA 4.0

Richard: Oh, that sounds good! Melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value. Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. Surprised you didn't know that. Richard: I think your brain has a thick candy shell. Tommy: Your... your brain has the fuckin' shell on it. Richard: Are you talking? Tommy: Shut up, Richard.

Tommy Boy, CC BY-SA 4.0

Tommy: Look at 'em there, pretty maids all in a row. I want the one on the left; she's perfect. Which one d'you want? Huh, huh, huh?... Alright. Paul: Does it make a difference? Tommy: Oh yeah! Wait a second, is this your first time? Paul: Yeah Tommy, it is. Tommy: God, you're gonna remember this the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before! Get ready to live. Huh, huh, huh, ssshhhh. She's sleepin'. What you do is, you put your shoulder into her and you push. Paul: And? Tommy: They fall over. Paul: And this doesn't strike you as kinda' dumb? Tommy: We're family, we're gonna be doing lots of dumb stuff together. Wait 'til Christmas!

Tommy Boy, CC BY-SA 4.0