EuroTrip

Weird Italian Guy: [On train] Mi Scusi! Donny: Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday. PC Mail Notification: Beep-beep! Mail Motherfucker! Madame Vandersexxx: He's American. How sad for you to grow up in a country founded by prudes. A country overrun with crime and illiteracy. A country where a man is forced to make sex to only one woman at a time, and one must learn the woman's name beforehand. Frontman Donny of rock band Lustra: [Taps on microphone to get attention of the party] Hey, listen up, everybody. Gotta a little special thing I'd like to do tonight. Going to play a little song for you about the nastiest, freakiest little sex puppet I know... Fiona. [Fiona bursts out from crowd and jumps on stage] This one's for you, baby. Happy anniversary. [Band starts playing] Scotty doesn't know, that Fiona and me, do it in my van every Sunday. She tells him she's in church. But she doesn't go. Still she's on her knees, and Scotty doesn't know... Oh, Scotty does

Eurotrip, CC BY-SA 4.0

Voiceover: Congratulations, Hudson High Class of 2004! Scott: There she is. Fiona! Hey. Fiona: Hey! Scott: Hey, you. Fiona: Congratulations, graduate. [They hug] Scott: Thanks, baby. Fiona: And congratulations to you, Cooper.F Cooper: [Lean in to hug her] Aww. Thanks, baby! Fiona: [She pushes Cooper back] Nice try. Cooper: All right. See you at Wade's party tonight? Scott: See you then. So, it's just you and me for the entire summer. Next year you graduate, join me at college. Just like we planned. Fiona: Scott, we need to talk. Scott: Yeah? About what? Fiona: About me dumping you. Scott: Huh? Scott's father: There he is! The graduate and his beautiful girlfriend. Scott's mother: [Shooting camcorder] Okay? Smile, you two! Action! Scott: Dad, Mom, Grandma... Uncle Moke... uh... I'm gonna need a minute here, okay? [To Fiona] What do you mean, you're dumping me? Fiona: I just can't take all the lying and cheating on each other anymore. Scott: What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never c

Eurotrip, CC BY-SA 4.0

Cooper: [Watching on computer] Let's see that again. Video Scott: Fiona! Cooper: This is just so brutal. And yet I can't look away. Bert, play it again. Come on. Video Scott: Fiona! Scott: Bert, get out of here! Cooper: All right. Stay black, bro. [Fist bumps him] Bert: Okay. See you. [Walking in hallway] "Fiona!" Computer: Mail, motherfucker! Scott: Hey, I got one from Mieke. "Happy Herzlichen." Cooper: Still writing that guy? I thought that was for German class. Scott: Yeah at first, but we're actually becoming good friends. He's a really cool guy. "Dear Mieke, greetings from your American pen pal." Cooper: Scotty, Girl Scouts have pen pals. Listen to yourself, all right? You met a [does air quotes] "cool guy" on the "internet." This is how these sexual predators work. Next thing you know, he'll want to "arrange a meeting" where he will gas you, stuff you in the back of his van, and make a wind chime out of your genitals. Come on, let's go to Wade's. Scott: All right. Screw it. Let's

Eurotrip, CC BY-SA 4.0

Jenny: What's up, losers? Scott: What's up, Jenny? Jenny: What's up, dude? Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore. Scott: That's very sweet of you. Thanks. Cooper: Enough Fiona talk. Look around. There's gotta be 100 drunk girls. We should try to have sex with every one of 'em. Jenny: Hello? Mixed company? Cooper: What? Jenny: I'm a girl! Cooper: No, you're not! You're just a cool guy with long hair! So, where's your evil twin brother? Jamie: Jenny! Cooper: There he is. Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see. Jenny: Why'd you get me gin and tonic? I hate gin. Cooper: You do? You guys are the worst twins ever! Scott: When are you guys taking off? Jenny: Tomorrow morning. Scott: [To Wade tied up at a tree] Hey, Wade! Great party, buddy! Jenny: Man, I am so excited! A whole summer, backpacking around Europe. You should've come with us instead of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty! It's gonna be so awesome! Jamie: Yeah. I planned every detail of the trip to maximize the fun! Cooper: You brought a guid

Eurotrip, CC BY-SA 4.0

Girl 1: I hope we're just as popular in college as we were in high school. Girl 2: We will be. Girl 1: I know. Girl 2: Who needs more Chablis? Girl 1: Candy, wanna come with? Candy: No, I'll stay here. Cooper: Well, there's your R-rating right there. [He jumps into hot-tub] Whoops! Holy cow! Oh, this isn't where I parked my car! Donny: I can't believe He's so trusting! While I'm right behind you thrusting! Candy: Cooper Harris, you're a pig! Cooper: Uh... Candy, you should clean that off before you go. Candy: Clean what off? Cooper: You got a little something on you. Candy: Where? Cooper: Right there. It's like a smudge, or something. Candy: Where? Cooper: It's like dirt, or something. Just go like this. Candy: Is it off? Cooper: No, keep rubbing it. Donny: I did it with her on his birthday. Cooper: Mmm-hmm... mmm-hmm... No, it's just not coming off. Candy: What is it? Cooper: Maybe tree sap or something. Try pinching it. No, it's just not coming off. I'll tell you what. Lick your fing

Eurotrip, CC BY-SA 4.0

Scott: [Turns attention to computer] Hey, Mieke. [Reads e-mail aloud] "Dear Scott, I was very sad to hear about your lady woman Fiona dumping you. Since you no longer have a girlfriend, maybe I could come to America "and we could get to know each other better. Perhaps we could... "zussamen." What the fuck is "zussamen"? [Looks up dictionary] "Arrange a meeting." No, no, no! Come on! Cooper was right! This guy wants to have sex with me. [Starts typing] Listen, Mieke... I don't want to arrange any meetings with you, you sick, German freak. So please keep your hands off my genitals, and never write to me again, and don't come to America. Goodbye." [Falls off chair] Oww. [He wakes up in bed and sees Bert at his computer] I'm never drinking again. Bert: Oh, that's nice. Scott: Bert, what are you doing? Bert: Reading your email. Scott: Don't do that. Why are you wearing my bathrobe? Bert: Oh, I'm sorry... but somebody pissed all over mine last night. Wow. I can't believe this German chick wa

Eurotrip, CC BY-SA 4.0