Little Britain

Marjorie Dawes: So what advice can we give to Fatty Halliday about losing some of his excess weight? Paul? Paul: Eat sensibly. Marjorie: Oh that's rich coming from you. Anyone else? Pat: Don't eat too much chocolate. Marjorie: What do you mean, don't eat too much chocolate? All the other kids hate him. Chocolate's the only friend he's got. Meera? Meera: Exercise. Marjorie: No I can't... what? Meera: Exercise. Marjorie: What? Do it again... Meera: Exercise. Marjorie: No I can't understand... do it again. Meera: Exercise. Marjorie: One more? Meera: Exercise. Marjorie: No, I'll tell you what you should be doing, Chris, and that's getting some exercise. [to Meera] Oh, that reminds me, a lot of hidden calories in curry. You can exercise anything really, football, jogging... football. I do ten minutes of six step aerobics every month, and that's why I'm so thin. Chris: You're not thin, you're fat. Marjorie: I'm sorry?! Meera, Pat, Paul: Not thin, you're fat. Marjorie: You heard what he said!

Little Britain, CC BY-SA 4.0

Marjorie Dawes: Meera? Meera: Fish and chips. Marjorie: Sorry, do it again... Meera: Fish and fugn chips. Marjorie: She doesn't make sense... do it again. Meera: Fish and chips. Marjorie Dawes: Do it again. Meera: Oh my got, forget it. Marjorie Dawes: Well it must be some sort of dish that we don't get over here.

Little Britain, CC BY-SA 4.0

Marjorie Dawes: Lettuce, Lettuce, High in fat, Low in fat, lettuce, Meera! Meera: Low in fat. Marjorie Dawes: No I can't do it again! Meera: Low in fat. Marjorie Dawes: No I can't do it again! Meera: Low in fat. Marjorie Dawes: No I can't do it again. Paul: She said Low in fat! Marjorie Dawes: Alright! Don't patronize her! *patronizes Meera* Low in fat, well done!

Little Britain, CC BY-SA 4.0

Marjorie Dawes: So what advice can we give to Barbara, to turn her tragic life around? Paul. Paul: [sighs] Cut out biscuits. Marjorie Dawes: Cut out biscuits. Good. Anyone else? Mary? Meera: Instead of sugar, use artificial sweetener in tea. Marjorie Dawes: Something about sugar. But really I think the most useful advice we can all give you is to look at the person inside. Because you're obviously an incredibly unhappy person. Barbara: No, I'm not! Marjorie Dawes: Well you deserve to be! I know Mum doesn't speak to you anymore, but that's not for here. But as far as she's concerned if you got knocked down by a bus tomorrow the world would be a better place! Barbara: Mum does speak to me! I spoke to her yesterday!

Little Britain, CC BY-SA 4.0

Dad: Hi, you - open for afternoon tea? Ray McCooney: Ooh. Maybe I am and maybe I'm not Dad: Oh, OK. Ray McCooney: N-no, I am. Please. Sit down. Sit down. Mum: Oh, what an adorable little place.<br> Kimberley: It smells funny in here. Mum: [whispers] Kimberley! Ray: I shall be back in a moment with the cake trolley. Ray: Here I am with the cake trolley. Mum: Ooh, those look great, don't they, Kimberley? Kimberley: I want the chocolate cake. Mum: No, honey. [to Ray] Kimberly has a nut allergy. Do you know if there are any nuts in it? Ray: Yeeeeees. Mum: What do you mean? Yes, there are nuts or yes you know? Ray: Yeeeeees. Dad: Well which? Ray: If I tell ye the truth, I'll tell ye a lie, but if you call me false then I'll also tell ye a lie. Dad: OK, so does the cake contain nuts? Ray: [picks up a piece of cake and puts it to his ear] Carrot cake, carrot cake, have ye any nuts? [He listens] The carrot cake contains... no nuts. [picks up another piece of cake to his ear] Lemon drizzle cake

Little Britain, CC BY-SA 4.0

Robot career counsellor: What do you have in mind? Boy: Well, really ever since I was small I've always wanted to go into catering. Robot: In the future there will no jobs for humans in the catering industry. Only robots. Boy: Oh, does that include catering in hotels? Robot: Er, yes. Boy: Well the other thing I was thinking of was engineering. You see... Robot: There will be no jobs for humans. We will inherit the earth. Boy: Oh dear. Robot career counsellor: This booklet will explain everything. Go now. Boy: Thank you, sir. Robot: Tuck your shirt in. I am a robot. Boy: Yeah.

Little Britain, CC BY-SA 4.0