The Mindy Project

Mindy: So, you delivered my patient. Danny: You're welcome. May I say, you look great. Mindy: Sorry Danny. I didn't have time to get dolled up for you. 'Cause I was kinda busy freeing myself from wrongful imprisonment. Danny: Wrongful, my God, do you think they'll ever catch the real drunk girl that fell into the pool. Mindy: Hilarious. But I guess it's not hilarious when you get arrested for assault at a Bruce Springsteen concert. Danny: First of all, it's a Springsteen show. Not a Bruce Springsteen concert, you sound ignorant. Second of all, you don't show up at a Springsteen show wearing a John Cougar Mellencamp t-shirt unless you want to get punched in the face. Mindy: How did I get in the Springsteen/Mellencamp conversation again?

The Mindy Project, CC BY-SA 4.0

Jeremy: Leave her alone, Danny. She's had a rough night. Danny: Whose fault is that? Jeremy: Everyone loses it at weddings, they're designed to exploit our sentimental side. Mindy: Thank you. I agree with that. Jeremy: I can't recall a wedding where I didn't end up in the arms of some woman I met that night, and not because she was vulnerable, because I was. Danny: You know, I used to think that sex addiction was made up by male celebrities, but now I think it's real. Jeremy: That's not cool. Yes. Yeah, I love sex. I do it a lot, I do it well, but I'm not addicted to it. I'm addicted to attention. Mindy: That is so interesting. Danny: Listen, I'm all for lonely people making connections, but this is the doctors lounge, not the wooded area behind the highway rest stop, all right? I mean really, guys! I hate that I can't read the newspaper in here anymore. Jeremy: Yeah, we get it, Danny. You read the newspaper, you're so much smarter than us. Mindy: We get it, Danny, you're so much smart

The Mindy Project, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mindy: Hey, you two. Quick question. Do you care about my career and want me to succeed? Betsy: More than anything in the world. Mindy: Okay, well if that is the case, why are you sending me non-English speaking, pregnant, immigrants with no health insurance, with literally burkahs and stuff? Shuana: I thought she might be rich with oil money. Mindy: Well, she wasn't. She was poor with nothing money. Shuana: Well, why wouldn't you just tell her no? Mindy: Because I am not good at saying no. Okay? One time I left a flea market with a samurai sword. I just need a different kind of patient. Betsy: More white patients, done. [starts writing it down] Mindy: Well don't write that. [whispers] But yes.

The Mindy Project, CC BY-SA 4.0

Danny: [watching When Harry Met Sally] Who would actually do that? Billy, don't run! Just- It's New Years, just go out and get laid, man. Mindy: Danny, honestly, what is your problem? Danny: What's my problem? What's his problem? I'd be pissed off if I was Meg Ryan and some guy interrupted my New Years Eve like that. I'd be like, "Hey man, I'm just trying to party with my friends and kiss some strangers at midnight. Leave me alone. What are you doing here?" Mindy: Never speak for Meg Ryan again!

The Mindy Project, CC BY-SA 4.0

Danny: I'm assuming your date was cancelled. Mindy: Maybe I won't get married, you know? Maybe I'll do one of those Eat, Pray, Love things. Ugh, no I don't want to pray. Forget it, I'll just die alone. Danny: So who's the guy? Mindy: He was perfect, Danny. He was handsome, he had a job, he was exactly seven inches taller than me, which you know is very important to me. Danny: Was he a man? Mindy: What do you mean? Yeah, of course he was a man. Danny: No, I mean, like, was he a MAN? Mindy: Danny, don't just repeat it and expect me to understand what you're saying. Danny: Was this the kinda guy who, if he heard glass breaking in the middle of the night, is he gonna jump out of bed, and say "stay here," and look through the house naked with a baseball bat, or is he gonna hide under the covers with you? Mindy: I don't know, that's a good question. Danny: Is this the kinda guy who is gonna get grossed out when you give birth, or is her gonna dry your forehead and tell you you look beautiful

The Mindy Project, CC BY-SA 4.0

Mindy: [narrating] Like anyone who goes to the bookstore, I wasn't there to buy books. I do that on the internet at, like, 50% off and free shipping and no tax. [out loud] Oh, my God, $28.95 for a book? [narrating] But luckily, this time, I made an exception, because if there's one thing that I can never resist, it's a good tote bag. [to guy in bookstore] Hey, are you gonna buy that book? Matt: I was thinking about it. Mindy: I'm only asking because I have two books and you have one. So, if we combine them, I could get a tote bag. Matt: But why wouldn't I get the free tote bag? Mindy: 'Cause you're a guy. What do you need a tote bag for? Matt: I can store all my tote bags I don't use in it.

The Mindy Project, CC BY-SA 4.0