This Is the End

Jay Baruchel: All right, I’ve landed, I’m here, we’ve said our hellos. Can we please go to fucking Carl’s Jr.? Seth Rogen: Uh… I would… I would love to, I’m on a… I can’t really eat that stuff right now. I’m on a, uh… I’m on this cleanse. Jay Baruchel: You’re on a what? Seth Rogen: I’m on a cleanse. Jay Baruchel: [laughs] Seth Rogen: It’s good for you. I didn’t know— You’re supposed to take shits a day. Jay Baruchel: That’s not true. Seth Rogen: It is true. Jay Baruchel: You’re supposed to shit twice a day. Seth Rogen: No. That’s not true. That’s what they used to think. Now they know you’re supposed to shit six times a day. Jay Baruchel: So, you’re not drinking, you’re not smoking weed? You’re not… Seth Rogen: Oh, no, no. I’m drinking, I’m smoking weed. Jay Baruchel: But… Seth Rogen: I’m on a cleanse, I’m not psychotic. Look, man, if you stopped eating gluten, you’d feel way fucking better all day. Whenever you feel shitty, that’s cause of gluten. Jay Baruchel: That’s not true. Who th

This Is the End, CC BY-SA 4.0

Seth Rogen: This place is beautiful, man. James Franco: This place is like a piece of me. You two just stepped inside of me. Seth Rogen: You let us both cum inside you. Yeah. James Franco: Icing on the cake. [shows Seth the painting on the wall] Check it out. Painted them myself. Seth Rogen: Huh! James Franco: Side by side. A team. Seth Rogen: Holy shit. James Franco: So, is it weird? Seth Rogen: No. James Franco: You sure? Seth Rogen: I really like it. James Franco: What do you think, Jay? Jay Baruchel: I’m not a big art guy. James Franco: You don’t like art? Jay Baruchel: Well, come on. James Franco: You play video games? Jay Baruchel: Yes. James Franco: Well, guess what, buddy? You like art. Jay Baruchel: Yep. James Franco: You ever been to Subway? Jay Baruchel: Yes. James Franco: You order a sandwich? Somebody put that together for you, dude. That’s art. Seth Rogen: Sandwich artist. James Franco: So let me lay this on you, Jay. Jay Baruchel: Oh, fuck… James Franco: Your mama's puss

This Is the End, CC BY-SA 4.0

Father: Excuse me, would it be possible for my daughter to use your restroom? She's really got to go. Cashier: Read the sign. Customers only. Father: Seriously? Cashier: Why the fuck you think I put up the sign? Daughter: It's okay, Dad. I can hold it. Father: Let's just buy something for your mother. Seth Rogen: (watching the conversation) This cash register lady is mean! I have anxiety. Will you buy this for me? (Shows Jay a Milky Way) When I'm stoned, I can't do this. Jay Baruchel: I think I'm just gonna head back to your place. I'm not really liking it very much over there at Franco's. Seth Rogen: Dude, I want you to get to know these guys. That's never gonna happen if you don't put in any effort whatsoever, okay? Jay Baruchel: I hate it in there. I just want to drink some pop and smoke some weed... Seth Rogen: Are you okay? Cashier: (freaking out) DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?! WHAT THE HELL... Jay Baruchel: OH MY GOD!! JESUS!! JESUS!!! Seth Rogen: Oh my god, run! RUN! This way!! Jay Bar

This Is the End, CC BY-SA 4.0

Micheal Cera: [drunken to the crowd] ALRIGHT Everybody listen up, listen up!! Who took my FUCKING CELL PHONE, MAN?!?! MARTIN, EMPTY YOUR POCKETS!!! Martin Starr: What?! Micheal Cera: I saw you in the bathroom, man, somebody dial my phone, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!!! It's UNACCEPTABLE after all the coke I've WASTED on you people! I've THROWN AWAY!!! Martin Starr: I didn't take your fucking cell phone! Micheal Cera: THREE-ONE-ZERO-NINE...!! Seth Rogen: Woah, woah! Mike! Mike! MIKE!MIKE!MIKE!MIKE!MIKE!!!! David Krumholtz: MY FACE!!! Micheal Cera: What's happening to me?! What's happening?! Seth Rogen: MICHEAL, COME BACK!!! Micheal Cera: [Sobbing in pain and humiliation] Oh shit, that's embarrassing!

This Is the End, CC BY-SA 4.0

Seth Rogen: You okay, man? Jay Baruchel: No, it’s nothing, it’s just, you know, as soon as we got there, you did what you said you wouldn’t do. Seth Rogen: What did I do? Jay Baruchel: You just fucking ditched my ass. Seth Rogen: I didn’t ditch you. Are you kidding me? I did not ditch you. I was talking to Jonah and then you left to go have a cigarette. Jay Baruchel: Well, you know, my cigarette was an excuse. I really went outside cause Jonah was being a prick. Seth Rogen: Jonah was not being a prick. If anything, you were kind of being a prick. Jonah’s the nicest guy ever. Jay Baruchel: Oh, my God, that’s a thin veneer of kindness. Nobody’s that nice. Seth Rogen: Jonah is that nice. Jay Baurchel: Serial killers are that nice. Seth Rogen: Just answer me one question: Is Michael Cera's butthole as adorable as I pictured? Jay Baruchel: Oh, for fuck's sake... Seth Rogen: I picture it looking like a little donut. A little pink sprinkled donut.

This Is the End, CC BY-SA 4.0

James Franco: Dude, look. Helicopters, helicopter. The good guys are here. We're fine, we're gonna be fine. Craig Robinson: [screaming and jumping] Goddamn! Oh, goddamn! James Franco: You okay? Craig Robinson: No, I'm not okay. [shows his damaged finger] Fuck yo house, Franco! James Franco: My house didn't do that!

This Is the End, CC BY-SA 4.0