Quotes

Dialogue

Deeds: You climbed mountains and built skyscrapers. Reverend Sharpton: Nice rhyme, nice rhyme.

Dialogue

Deeds: You guys football fans? I think the Pats could take the conference this year. I mean, the Dolphins are overrated and the Jets are choke artists. Pilot: I wouldn't say that, Mr. Deeds. Deeds: Just Deeds. Why's that, though? Pilot: You own the Jets, Deeds. Deeds: I do?! Whoa! That sucks. Jeez. I hope they don't play the Pats in the playoffs, or I'll have to kill myself.

Dialogue

Emilio: How can I thank you? Deeds: All I want is your friendship, Emilio. You're a good man. Emilio: Deeds! How about a billion dollars? Deeds: All right. Emilio: Done.

Dialogue

Deeds: Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there... Emilio: I am very very sneaky, sir.

Dialogue

Emilio: The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever. Deeds: Oh, yeah. I've heard that before.

Dialogue

Cedar: Congratulations, you have a spastic colon. Cecil: That would explain a lot.

Dialogue

Deeds: What are you in for? Crazy Eyes: Eh, I'm doin' an overnighter for bitin' the mailman. Crazy Eyes: He was tryin' to cast some spell on me like a wizard or somethin'. Deeds: You sure about that? Crazy Eyes: I don't know, maybe he was just wavin'. Crazy Eyes: Who're your friends? Deeds: This is Chuck and Cecil, they're visiting from New York. Crazy Eyes: I don't like 'em. Deeds: Okay, then.

Dialogue

Deeds: Crazy Eyes. Crazy Eyes: Hey, Deeds. Deeds: How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it. Crazy Eyes: Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.

Dialogue

McEnroe: I like the way you beat up those guys who were making fun of you. It was pretty cool. Deeds: Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up, Johnny Mac. McEnroe: That I do.

Dialogue

Consuela: Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Mr. Blake? Blake: You can call me Preston. Consuela: Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Preston? Blake: Yes. Yes! YES!

Dialogue

Coretta: I'm not leaving without me kitties. Deeds: How many cats do you have? Coretta: 7. Deeds: Holy shit. Lets get cracking. I apologize for the language. Coretta: Apology accepted.

Dialogue

Deeds: [impressed] This guy could make a fortune writing greeting cards. Rev. Sharpton: Yes, we remember Preston Blake. Funeral attendants: Amen. Deeds: Amen!

Dialogue

Where were you kickin'? I ain't got no balls, dummy!

Dialogue

I couldn't think of anything else that rhymes with schlub. Rub and tub didn't work.

Dialogue

Are you gonna see him again tonight? That's priceless! You, a virgin!

Dialogue

Cedar: We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds. Murph: Wow! Is that Deeds' first name? Cecil: Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds, then yes, that is Deeds's first name. Murph: Well, I don't know Deeds's first name. Maybe it's Greg. Cecil: Maybe it's Longfellow. Murph: Maybe. But I don't know. I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up? Cedar: No! Thank you. Please. Just tell us where Deeds lives.

Dialogue

Cedar: Excuse me. Is Mr. Deeds around? Jan: No, I'm sorry. He's out making deliveries. The regular delivery guy called in sick. But you don't look too sick to me, Murph. Murph: Oh! I forgot I was fakin' sick today. [to Cedar and Cecil] You two tricked me into comin' here. Jan: Murph, put on an apron and gimme a hand. Murph: [sets to work] You guys played me like a fiddle. Touche! Cecil: Is Mrs. Deeds around?