Quotes

Dialogue

Lenny Feder: Look at this. Beers on ice, hot ladies everywhere, this is how we used to do it. Frat Guy: This is Kappa Eta Sigma property, so you might wanna quit pervin' on our ladies and get back to your trailer homes. Lenny Feder: Okay, easy there, Abercrombie. Kurt McKenzie: I haven't been around this many arrogant white college kids since Eminem played Duke. Other Frat Guy: At least we got into college, skinny Danny Glover. Lenny Feder: Hey, fellas, that was a good handshake, we've got a good one too, it goes like this. Kurt McKenzie: How are you doing, sir? Eric Lamonsoff: Very good, nice to see you.

Dialogue

Lenny: You guys are losers! Marcus: Don't worry [points to his penis] it gets bigger! Frat Boy: Oh, that poor old lady! Marcus: [surfaces, winded and whimpering] Paralyzed, I'm paralyzed! Ooh, so much pain! Eric: MAMAAAAAAAA! Marcus: [snapping at Eric] I WAS INSIDE YOU!! Kurt: I can't believe nobody's even scared of a black guy anymore! DAMN YOU, OBAMA!! Andre: What the hell just happened? Greg: I saw my dad's dick!

Dialogue

Lenny Feder: Hey, you showed up. Frat Guy: Where do you work out, Cinnabon? Lenny Feder: What were you raised by, ninjas?

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I'm so glad we left the city, this is such a good place to raise family.

Dialogue

Lenny Feder: Riding your bike to school in the morning, you couldn't do that in L.A. Keithie Feder: Yeah, thank God there's nothing crazy ever happens around here.

Dialogue

Officer Fluzoo: What's up with the school bus? Lenny Feder: (nervous) Okay...I stole it. Officer Fluzoo: Put your hands in the air. [The five friends put their hands in the air, but Fluzoo begins dancing and sings] And wave 'em like you just don't care. Say HO! All: OH! Officer Fluzoo: Say HO! All: OH!

Dialogue

Your car is filthy!

Dialogue

Lenny Feder: [turns to Roxanne, sleeping, and whispers] Honey, go over to the window and open it as wide as you can. Roxanne: [whimpers and rolls over] Please let me sleep. Lenny Feder: I think your mother's here from Mexico and she needs to leave. Open the window, now. Roxanne: Why don't you do it you-Ahhhhhhhh! Roxanne: Close your mouth!

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Becky Feder: Will I have boobies like Mommy's? Lenny Feder: I don't ever want you to have those.

Dialogue

There's a raft in there? [he pokes the box and it self-inflates, knocking him down, along with a whole row of products] Who did that?

Dialogue

Malcolm: Well, well, well, if it isn't Hollywood and the squares. Lenny Feder: Hey, Malcolm, I didn't know you worked at K-Mart, and apparently, the hair on the top of your head didn't know it either. Malcolm: Whaat?

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Mommy was nice enough to prepare her famous Chicken a la Food Poisoning, which we're all excited to eat.

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Eric Lamonsoff: What's 7 + 9? Bean Lamonsoff: 79! Eric Lamonsoff: [sarcastically] Well, we're not going to have to pay for college, that's for sure!

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Aerobics Instructor: Welcome to Squat-robics 101. Any questions? Jackie Tardio: Are you married? Roxanne: Do you like my hair? Deanne McKenzie: Can I stick my tongue down your throat please?

Dialogue

Keith Feder: Tell her it wasn't you talking, Dad. It was your flabby ass. Lenny Feder: You want me to "accidentally" break the other leg? [Keith looks at him shocked]

Dialogue

Roxanne Feder: Excuse me, why are you here? What's the matter? Frat Boy Milo: [mocking Roxanne] I tell you what is the matter. [frat boys laugh, speaking in normal accent] These old townies trashed our frat house! And nobody treats our good-times headquarters with disrespect! [all frat boys yell "Yeah!"] Braden Higgins: They didn't do it. Me do it. Frat Boy Milo: Don't try and cover for him, Z-Dog! Lenny Feder: Who's Z-Dog? Frat Boy Andy: We know they're trying to get back at us for making them do the naked plunge in our swimming hole. Deanne McKenzie: Your swimming hole? I've been swimming at the quarry since I was eight years old. Frat Boy Andy: Apparently, everybody in this crap town has been swimming there since they were eight years old. I guess nobody wants to leave this dump because they're too busy sucking! [all frat boys cheer, Andy and Milo do their handshake, but stop in the middle] We'll finish later. Frat Boy Milo: You promise? Frat Boy Andy: [touching Milo's cheek] I prom

Dialogue

Frat Boy Milo: [after ripping off Malcolm's toupee, revealing his bald head, giving him a noogie] Oh my god! Did you see his head? He's got a...he's bald! I got a wild one! I got a wild one! Whoo hoo hoo! Frat Boy Milo: Noogie, noogie, noogie! Officer Fluzoo: [standing behind Milo] Nobody noogies my brother! [grabs him, and gives him a rather violent noogie] Frat Boy Milo: My brain! My brain! [Fluzoo throws Milo over the roof, who ends up landing in a bush] B.U.! Malcolm: Hey man, I had that one. Officer Fluzoo: I know you did, big brother. Malcolm: Get out of here! Officer Fluzoo: [flinches, terrified] Don't hit me!