Quotes

Dialogue

Lucy: You schmuck, you bastard! I'd like to cut your fuckin' head off! Harry Block: You're upset, right?

Dialogue

Harry Block: The ironic thing is that the school that kicked me out is honoring me soon. Shrink: Why did they kick you out? Harry Block: Because I wasn't interested in college. I wanted to be a writer and that's all I cared about. Also, I tried to give the Dean's wife an enema. They didn't take kindly to that.

Dialogue

Doris: You have no values. With you it's all nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm. Harry Block: Hey, in France I could run for office with that slogan, and win!

Dialogue

Doris: You're a self-hating Jew! Harry Block: Hey, I may hate myself, but not because I'm Jewish.

Dialogue

Burt: Do you care even about the Holocaust, or do you think it never happened? Harry Block: Not only do I know that we lost 6 million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken.

Dialogue

Joan: Tell me, Harry, just tell me something. Was she the only one, or were there others? Harry Block: No, Amy Pollock was the only one, may God strike me dead if I am lying. Joan: You're an atheist, Harry! Harry Block: Wha-hey, we're alone in the universe, you're going to blame that on me, too?

Dialogue

Harry Block: Cookie, do you know what a black hole is? Cookie: Sure, it's how I make my livin'!

Dialogue

Harry's Father: Harry! Harry Block: Dad? Harry's Father: Get me out of here! This is terrible! You know I could never stand hot weather. Harry Block: [to demon leading his father in chains] What is he doing here? Demon: He's condemned to eternal suffering. Harry's father: Help me! Harry Block: I don't understand. I demand to know the charges. Demon: He behaved unconscionably toward his son. He accused the boy of committing a capital crime merely by being born. Harry's Father: "Your wife," they told me, "is dead, but your son is thriving." Why did he fight not to be born? Harry Block: Look, I forgive him. What's over is over. Let him go to Heaven, please! Harry's Father: I'm a Jew. We don't believe in Heaven. Harry Block: Where do you want to go? Harry's Father: To a Chinese restaurant. Harry Block: Take him to Joy Luck.

Dialogue

The Devil: Want me to turn up the air conditioning? Harry Block: What? You're air-conditioned here? The Devil: Sure! Fucks up the ozone layer!

Dialogue

The Devil: You ever fuck a blind girl? Harry Block: No, that I never did. The Devil: Ooh, they're so grateful.

Dialogue

The Devil: You know, I've had a lot of jobs in your world. Harry Block: Really? Like what? The Devil: For two years I ran a Hollywood studio. But you can't trust those people.

Dialogue

The Devil: You're not a fun guy. You're too angry at life. Harry Block: Well, I've got a lot to be angry about! The Devil: Who doesn't? But sooner or later you gotta back off. It's like Vegas. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down, but in the end the house always wins. Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.