Quotes

Dialogue

Sorry. I was super excited.

Dialogue

Kermit the Frog: I just thought maybe we could raise the money to buy the theater back if we all got together and put on one last show. Fozzie Bear: A show? But I've spent years building a solo career! I have a whole new show-biz family that loves me-- Miss Poogy: [opens the door] Fozzie! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING, HIBERNATIN'?! NEXT SHOW STARTS IN 30 SECONDS! We hired you, and WE CAN FIRE YOU, SO GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE NOW! [slams the door] Fozzie Bear: [to Kermit] They terrify me. Let's go.

Dialogue

Animal: In control. Jack Black: Good. I'm Animal's court-appointed sponsor. We don't use the D-R-U-M word. It's his trigger word. Kermit the Frog: His "trigger word"? Gary: Excuse me, Mr. Black. I'm so sorry to interrupt, but it's very important that these guys get their drummer-- [Jack Black punches Gary] Walter: Gary! Jack Black: It's my trigger word, too. Moderator: Jack, we talked about this on Tuesday. Jack Black: [Growling]: Tuesday's another one of my TRIGGER WORDS! [punches a classmate] Moderator: I DON'T THINK SO! [punches Jack Black] Sorry.

Dialogue

Welcome to this week's edition of "Everything Stinks"! [the other Muppets pull him offscreen with a hooked cane, Vaudeville style]

Dialogue

Kermit the Frog: Piggy, last time we were together, I said some things I regret. Miss Piggy: No, no, Kermit. You were just being honest. You never intended to marry me. Not even after I built us a house where we could raise tadpoles and grow old together. Kermit the Frog: Well, who do you think's been looking after that house all these years, huh? Piggy, why do you always have to be so overdramatic about things? You know, it leaves me no choice but to do things that hurt you. Miss Piggy: I am who I am. Why can't you accept that about me? Kermit the Frog: Look, this is not about you and me. Miss Piggy: It's never about you and me, is it? It's always we. We this, we that. "We" need you. You can't even say "I need you", can you? Kermit the Frog: Piggy... Miss Piggy: I'm sorry, Kermit, but I have a life here. A life I've made for myself. Kermit the Frog: Piggy! Miss Piggy: Just remember, Kermit, I cannot be replaced.

Dialogue

Kermit the Frog: Welcome back, everyone. Well, I know the old place is not quite at its best right now. Floyd Pepper: Yeah! Who cancelled the maid service? [laughs] Kermit the Frog: But don't worry. We'll be fine.

Dialogue

Texas Richman: The answer is no. Kermit the Frog: Well, you could've just said that. Texas Richman: Contract. Uncle Deadly: Contract. Bobo the Bear: Contract. Nicely done, sir. Texas Richman: You see, Muppets, according to this contract, it's not just this studio you lose the rights to tonight, it's the Muppet name itself. Kermit the Frog: What? Texas Richman: And all characters under the Muppet name. Kermit the Frog: Wait a second. What possible use could you have for our names? Miss Poogy: Told you I'd be back. Well, now I am back. And I see you've met Mr. Richman, our new business partner. Texas Richman: The Moopets are a hard, cynical act for a hard, cynical world. Miss Poogy: Hey, Fozzie! I want you to meet a friend of mine. Foozie: [as the other Moopets laugh mockingly] Wocka wocka! Texas Richman: You're relics, Muppets! The world has moved on, and no one cares about your goody-goody, hippy-dippy, Julie Andrews and Dom DeLuise hosting, singing-and-dancing act anymore! You're dead

Dialogue

Texas Richman: To the end of the Muppets! [Uncle Deadly grabs the boltcutters to stop Texas] Deadly! What are you doing?! Uncle Deadly: Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name, and an evil English accent, does not preclude the fact that in my heart, I am a Muppet, not a Moopet! Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh! Texas Richman: What does that mean?! Uncle Deadly: It's an idiom, you idiot! Because you cannot laugh! Ha ha! [Texas falls off the roof and lands on the ground with a thud] Oopsie! [he laughs maniacally] Texas Richman: Deadly! Uncle Deadly: Now that's a maniacal laugh for you!

Dialogue

Texas Richman: You artists formerly known as the Muppets are standing on private property--My private property! And I'm telling you to leave, Now, Go! All Of You! [The Muppets Gasp] Kermit: He's right, everybody. He won. We gotta go. [As The Muppets Slowly Walk Away, Texas Richman Sighs In Disbelief]

Dialogue

Look, Walter, you're my brother, and I'm always gonna love you, but you belong here, with these guys. You're the one who brought everyone here together. You always believe in other people, but that’s easy. Sooner or later, you gotta believe in yourself, too, because that’s what growing up is. It’s becoming who you want to be. You have to try. Please, Walter. You’re my hero.

Dialogue

J.G. Frackle: Ahem. [The couple stop kissing and turn to look at the small group of Muppets staring at them] Wayne: Oh! [He and Wanda start doing vocal warmups to cover up their act] La la la la la la la... Wanda: Mee mee mee mee mee...