Crazy, Stupid, Love.

Cal: How about we say what we want on three? One, two, three. Emily: I want a divorce. Cal: [at the same time] Creme brulee.

Crazy, Stupid, Love., CC BY-SA 4.0

Jacob: Permission to speak candidly, sir. Cal: Uh, think you've already gone - there. Jacob: You're sitting there with a Supercuts haircut, you're gettin' drunk on watered-down vodka cranberries like a 14-year-old girl, and you're wearing a 44 when you should be wearing a 42 regular. Honestly, I don't know if I should help you or I should euthanize you.

Crazy, Stupid, Love., CC BY-SA 4.0

Jacob: The skin under your eyes is starting to look like Hugh Hefner's ball sack. Cal: [carefully looks at himself in the mirror and sighs] Yes, it is.

Crazy, Stupid, Love., CC BY-SA 4.0

Jacob: [looking at Cal's shoes] Are you Steve Jobs? Cal: What? Jacob: Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers? Cal: No. Jacob: Oh, OK. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever.

Crazy, Stupid, Love., CC BY-SA 4.0

Jacob: Let's talk about how many women you've been with. Cal: Sexually? Jacob: Yeah, no, I mean break-dance fighting.

Crazy, Stupid, Love., CC BY-SA 4.0

Cal: I have children--plural. And my wife was cheating on me with David Lindhagen, which I wasn't supposed to tell you about either, but I did. Nice to meet you. Kate: What were you supposed to tell me? Cal: I don't know. I don't know. I was supposed to say that you are the perfect combination of sexy and cute, which is actually something that I used to say to my wife. But now it's become corrupted. And I have 18 layers of clothes on. I'm wearing a shirt and a tie, and a sweater, and a suede jacket that just seals in all the heat. Seals in all the juices. I'm just--it's all sweat under here. This is just sweat from here down. I'm--this--this sweater, this is called "slim cut", but it feels like a scuba suit. And I'm looking at your breasts. What's that about? Kate: You think I'm the perfect combination of sexy and cute? Cal: That's what you picked up from what I just said?

Crazy, Stupid, Love., CC BY-SA 4.0