Quotes

Dialogue

Tommy: Did I miss anything? Hudson Hawk: Gates tries to blackmail me, you ask me "Did I miss anything?" Gates gets killed, you say "Did I miss anything?" I bet you went up to Mrs. Lincoln at Ford's Theatre and said "How was the show? Did I miss anything?"

Dialogue

Hudson Hawk: Don't I know you? George Kaplan: The last time you saw me, I was bald, with a beard and no mustache, and I had a different nose. So if you don't recognize me, I won't be offended. Hudson Hawk: My high school science teacher?

Dialogue

Darwin Mayflower: So, Hawkmeister. We've got you clothes, a great hotel and a 250,000 lira per diem. Minerva Mayflower: That's 200 dollars a day. So he can get a hooker and some tequila? Veto, Darwin! Hudson Hawk: I guess we see who wears the penis in this family.

Dialogue

George Kaplan: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Rome. I did my first bare-handed strangulation here. Communist politician. Hudson Hawk: Why, George, you old softie.

Dialogue

Snickers: Good news Hawk, the Mayflowers have moved up the timetable, you're hitting the Vatican tonight. Hudson Hawk: Oh, no! No no, hold on, no way! The timing is off, I'm underequipped, and besides that, I've got a date. Almond Joy: (reading Hawk's shopping list) Grapple, biker's bottle, pocket fisherman, olive oil, 100 stamps? Gee stud, this's going to be some date! No Harvey's Bristol Cream?

Dialogue

Butterfinger: Hey Mr. Hawk, I got your stamps. Hudson Hawk: (imitating BooBoo) Good, Yogi.

Dialogue

Hudson Hawk: Look, you Eddie Munster-looking motherfucker, someone better explain to me what is going on, or I ain't gonna move another muscle. I want to be treated like an adult! Darwin Mayflower: That's fair. Now go to your room!

Dialogue

Darwin Mayflower: The last ingredient in the recipe is Da Vinci's model of a helicopter... Minerva Mayflower: ...on display for three days only at the Louvre in Paris. Hudson Hawk: As opposed to the Louvre in Wisconsin? Darwin Mayflower: Shut up! You're gonna make me lose my train of thought.

Dialogue

Anna: It doesn't mean I don't love you. Hudson Hawk: Oh, no, you love me! It's your <u>job</u>! You probably love Butterfinger over there. Anna: Well, yeah, in a weird sort of Catholic way, I do.

Dialogue

Snickers: (leaping around desperately) Get this fucking thing off my head! Hudson Hawk: Hey Tommy, look at Snickers. Tommy Five-Tone: Yeah, he's about to have a bad migraine.

Dialogue

Anna: (drugged) I'm not a very good damsel in a dress, am I? (manly voice) You must pay the rent! (girly voice) But I can't pay the rent! (makes dolphin noises) Darwin Mayflower: Yo, Flipper! A "damsel in distress" implies that there is some well-hung Dudley Do-Right galloping up to save you. It ain't gonna happen. Hudson Hawk go boom-boom. He dead.

Dialogue

I got five of them! [punches Darwin]

Dialogue

Hudson Hawk: Anna, we're supposed to be saving you. Anna: I know. I got bored so I saved myself.

Dialogue

Hudson Hawk: You're supposed to be all cracked up at the bottom of the hill! Tommy Five-Tone: Air bags! Can you fucking believe it? Anna: You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh! Tommy Five-Tone: Sprinkler system set up in the back! Can you fucking <u>believe</u> it?