Quotes

Others

Elle's father: Law school is for people who are boring, and ugly, and…serious. And you, Button, are none of those things. Aaron Mitchell: I was first in my class at Princeton, I have an I.Q. of a hundred and eighty-seven, and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time…from my fourth grade paper. Professor Stromwell: If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you're not the girl I thought you were. Professor Stromwell: A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be taught to achieve insight into the world around you. And to sharply question what you know. Maurice: Oh, my God, the bend and snap! Works every time.

Dialogue

Warner: Elle, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm 30, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn. Elle: So, you're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde? Warner: No, that's not entirely true— Elle: Then what? My boobs are too big? Warner: [whispers] Your boobs are fine.

Dialogue

Warner Huntington III: Pooh Bear, just get in the car. Elle: No. [starts walking away, sniffling] Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes. Elle: [defeated] Okay. [gets in car]

Dialogue

Elle: Oh, my God! Do you know who this is? Old Lady: No. Elle: That’s Warner's older brother. Old Lady: Who? Elle: This is the type of girl Warner wants to marry. This is what I need to become to be serious. Old Lady: What? Practically deformed? Elle: No... a law student.

Dialogue

Margot: You'll need this. Elle: Your scrunchie? Margot: My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish. Serena: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap-dance after the final. Margot: Yeah – luckily.

Dialogue

Elle: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard. C.U.L.A. Adviser: Well, then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors. Elle: Okay. C.U.L.A. Adviser: And a heck of an admissions essay. Elle: Right. C.U.L.A. Adviser: And at least a 175 on your LSATs. Elle: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me; I can handle anything.

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Elle: I'm reading about the LSATs. Serena: My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your....

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Elle: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin.... to generic! All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye". Entire Sorority Group: Aye.

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Warner Huntington III: ...You? got into Harvard Law...? Elle: What, like it's hard?

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David: Yes. Professor Stromwell: Would you be willing to stake your life on that? Professor Stromwell: And what about...[pokes random student with her pointer] his life? Professor Stromwell: I recommend knowing before speaking. The law leaves much room for interpretation, but very little room for self-doubt. [faint smile] And you were right. It was Aristotle.

Dialogue

Elle: So, if you don't know an answer, they're just gonna kick you out? Emmett: So, you have Stromwell, huh? Elle: Yes. Did she do that to you, too? Emmett: No, but she did make me cry once.... not in class — I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah, she'll kick you right in the balls.... or wherever.

Dialogue

Professor Callahan: Would you rather have a client who committed a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum? Elle: Neither. Professor Callahan: And why's that? Elle: I would rather have a client who's innocent. Professor Callahan: Dare to dream, Miss Woods. Miss Kensington, which would you prefer? Vivian: Malum prohibitum, because then the client would have committed a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime. Professor Callahan: Well done, Miss Kensington. It's obvious you've done your homework. Now, let's look at malum prohibitum a little more closely. It has been said-- [Elle raises her hand] Yes, Miss Woods? Elle: I changed my mind. I'll take the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge.

Dialogue

Vivian: Nice costume. Elle: You, too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

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Emmett: (clears throat) Elle: Don't ask. Emmett: Wasn't gonna.

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David: I called your room last night; I was wondering if we could go out some time. Girl: No. David: Why? Girl: Because you're a dork. Girls like me don't go out with guys like you. Elle: Excuse me. [turns around and slaps David] Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together, and I haven't heard from you since. David: [pause] I'm sorry? Elle: Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away? David: Both? Elle: Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you. Girl: [after Elle has walked off] So, when did you wanna go out?

Dialogue

Elle: Oh, Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal? Warner Huntington III: Uh, yeah.... [Vivian gives him an evil look] no. Elle: Well, this is so much better than that! Excuse me; I have some shopping to do. Vivian: Four hours, huh?

Dialogue

Elle: Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head. Paulette: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.

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Serena: Oh, my God, there she is! Elle! Margot: Elle, we came to see your trial! Serena: Oh, look! How cute! There's, like, a judge and everything.... and jury people. Margot: Vote for Elle! The Honorable Marina R. Bickford: Ladies, take a seat! Serena: Go, girl.

Dialogue

Enrique Salvatore: Don't stomp your little last season Prada shoes at me, honey. Elle: These aren't last season.... [looks down, gasps, and runs back into court room] He's gay! Enrique is gay!

Dialogue

Elle: [Explaining how no straight man knows designers] Warner, what kind of shoes are these? Warner Huntington III: Um.... black ones.

Dialogue

Emmett: Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date? Enrique Salvatore: Yes. Emmett: Where? Enrique Salvatore: A restaurant in Concord, where no one could recognize us. Emmett: And how long have you been sleeping with Mrs. Windham? Enrique Salvatore: Three months. Emmett: And your boyfriend's name is....? Enrique Salvatore: Chuck. Emmett: Right. Enrique Salvatore: Pardon me, pardon me. Emmett: Yes, Mr. Salvatore? Enrique Salvatore: I was confused. You see, I thought you said "friend." Chuck is just a friend. Emmett: Oh. Chuck: [leaving the courtroom] YOU BITCH! Enrique: [standing up] Chuck, wait!

Dialogue

Elle: Chutney, why is it that Tracy Marcinko's curls were ruined when she got hosed down? Chutney Windham: Because they got wet. Elle: Exactly. Because isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair for at least twenty-four hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate? Chutney Windham: Yes. Elle: And wouldn't somebody who's had, say, thirty perms before in their life be well aware of this rule? And if in fact, you weren't washing your hair, as I suspect you weren't because your curls are still intact, wouldn't you have heard the gunshot? And if in fact, you had heard the gunshot, Brooke Windham wouldn't have had time to hide the gun before you got downstairs. Which would mean that you would have had to found Mrs. Windham with a gun in her hand to make your story plausible. Isn't that right? Chutney Windham: She's my age! Did she tell you that? How would you feel if your father married someone who was your

Dialogue

Emmett: (to Vivian) You don't even know what the hell you're talking about. Brooke: What's going on here? Emmett: Elle quit. Brooks: What? Emmett: Yeah. Callahan hit on her so she quit. Brooke: Oh, my god. Scumbag. Vivian: (realizes her mistake in wrongfully accusing Elle of something she didn't do) Oh, God. Brooke: What? Vivian: I feel so terrible, I made a huge mistake. Emmett: Well, there's something we can do about it.

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Vivian: You know, I'm still shocked that you didn't give Callahan the alibi. Elle: It wasn't my alibi to tell. Vivian: I know, I thought that was very... classy of you.

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Callahan: What are you so happy about? You're on trial for murder. Brooke: Get up. Callahan: What? Brooke: You're fired. I have new representation. Callahan: Who?!

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[about Warner] You know, when he first applied for Harvard, he got wait-listed. He got in because his father had to make a call.

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Admissions Rep 1: She does have a 4.0 from CULA and she got a 179 on LSATs. Head of Admissions: Fashion major? Admissions Rep 1: Well, sir, we've never had one before and aren't we always looking for diversity? Admissions Rep 2: Her list of extra-curricular activities is impressive. Head of Admissions: She was in a Ricky Martin video. Admissions Rep 1: Clearly, she's interested in music. Head of Admissions: She also designed a line of faux-fur panties for her sorority's charity project. Admissions Rep 1: Uh-huh, she's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist. Head of Admissions: Elle Woods. [pauses] Welcome to Harvard.