Quotes

Others

Troll: That's cheating! I'm supposed to eat you! Phoebe Banks: Everybody has problems. Everybody has bad times. Do we sacrifice all of the good times because of them? Nancy Tremaine: (after her cellphone rings in Andalasia) Wow, really good reception here!

Dialogue

Giselle: You see, I've been wandering very far and long tonight, and I'm afraid nobody has been very nice to me. Robert: [cynically] Yeah, well, welcome to New York. Giselle: [sincerely] Thank you! Robert: [looks at her strangely] You sure you're okay? Giselle: Yes. Robert: Would you like me to call someone for you? Giselle: Well, I don't think they would hear you from here.

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Giselle: Now, if only I can find a place to rest my head for the night. Robert: What kind of place? Giselle: I don't know. Maybe a nearby meadow or a hollow tree. Robert: A hollow tree? Giselle: Or a house full of dwarves. I hear they're very hospitable.

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Edward: [leaps down the well] Fear not, Giselle, I will rescue you! Pip: [falls down the well] Yeah, but who's gonna rescue ME?!

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Robert: [to Nancy] Can't we just talk about this? Nancy: [angrily] Talk about what, Robert? How I never stay the night because we both agreed that Morgan's here and you have to set some boundaries. And I thought, "I'm so lucky, he's sensitive." I didn't realize you were worried about crowd control! [starts to storm out] Robert: What...What about the grown-up girl bonding time with you and Morgan? About you bringing her to school. ;;[he taking Giselle's towel off and her nudity, she smile and he spanking her butt] Nancy: I'm so sorry, Giselle, you're naked. What, so you can have your own grown-up girl bonding time? [Giselle smiles] I don't think so.

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Giselle: [from inside the bathroom] Hello? Robert: Okay, you know what? You gotta go. Look, I don't know what your deal is, if you're waiting around for Prince Charming or you're just...? Giselle: [from inside] Prince Edward. Robert: Whatever. Look, I'll get you to a bus, a train, a plane, a whatever, then, that's it. After that, I can't...I can't get involved after that. [Giselle emerges from the bathroom in a bright blue and pink dress] Where did you get that? Giselle: I made it. Do you like it? [Robert notices dress-shaped holes in his curtains and looks quite shocked] You're unhappy. Robert: [angrily] You made a dress out of my curtains? Giselle: Oh, you are unhappy! I'm so sorry. Robert: Oh, I'm not unhappy. I'm angry. An unpleasant emotion. Ever heard of it?

Dialogue

Nathaniel: Never fear, my queen. I will stop him! [jumps into the well] Arty: Let me guess. You're looking for a beautiful girl, too? Arty: Right. Prince Edward: You've met your match, you foul-bellowing beast! [takes his sword and stabs it through the roof of the bus, ripping open an old lady's birdseed bag in the process. The driver stops the bus] Bus Driver: [gets up] Everybody stay on the bus. Edward: Giselle? My love? Pip in New York: Giselle? Edward: Right. [addresses the passengers] The steel beast is dead, peasants! I've set you all free! Bus Driver: [steps out the doors to confront Edward as other bus passengers complain] Are you crazy? Nobody stabs my bus! I'll tear you apart! Do you hear me? You get down here right now! Nathaniel: [comes up and tries to help out] Ma'am, if you'll allow me... Edward: Nathaniel, old friend! Bus Driver: You? A friend of his? Crazy tight-wearing... Come here and mess up my route? [Pip jumps onto her forehead and mimics her attitude] I'll tear yo

Dialogue

Prince Edward: Go ahead, Pip. What is it you want to say? Pip in New York: [clears his throat, squeaks] You watch me. Okay? [rubs "hands" together and points accusingly at Nathaniel to indicate that he's a traitor] Edward: Nathaniel? Pip in New York: [squeaking] Uh-huh. Nathaniel. Edward: Nathaniel's glad to have me near? Pip in New York: [squeaking] No-no-no-no-no! [imitates Nathaniel and then scurries to a soda cup and imitates the conversation Nathaniel had with Narissa through the boiling pot, including making the three poisoned apples appear] Broop, broop, broop. [takes a piece of ice as if it were an apple. Imitates Nathaniel again] Giselle. [imitates Giselle singing "True Love's Kiss"] Pip in New York: [as Nathaniel] Apple? [as Giselle] No, thank you. [as Nathaniel] It's good. [as Giselle] Oh, okay. [crunches on the ice and imitates dying, and then stands up with pose] Tada! [waiting for Edward's interpretation] Edward: You feel you'd die without me here?

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Sam: She has no driver's license, no passport, I can't even find this place she comes from. Robert Phillip: What place? Sam: Andalusia. Robert: Andalasia. Sam: Whatever. I've called every travel agent, every airline. I'm not sure if it's a country or a city. Robert: It can't be a state. Sam: More like a state of mind. And she told me it's just beyond the meadows of joy and the [mimicking Giselle] valley of contentment. [normal voice] What is that all about?

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Giselle: Why are you staring at me? Robert: I don't know. It's...It's like you escaped from a Hallmark card or something. Giselle: Is that a bad thing?

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Giselle: Robert! This is Clara. She saw Edward. Robert: Oh. Clara: He was on the bus this morning. Robert: Uh-huh... Clara: He tried to kill me! Robert: Great. Wonderful. That's great.

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Giselle: [singing] How does she know you love her? Robert: Oh no, no, no... Giselle: [singing] How does she know... Robert: People are look-looking... Giselle: [singing] She's yours? Robert: Don't sing. It's okay, you know. Let's just walk. Can we walk? Giselle: Well, does she? Robert: Yeah. Jamaican Man: [singing] How does she know that you love her? Giselle: [excitedly] Oh! Robert: He knows this song, too?

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Giselle: [singing] Well, does he take you out dancing just so he can hold you close? Robert: I don't dance! Giselle: [singing] Dedicate a song with words meant just for you? Robert: And I really don't sing.

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Giselle: [to a pair of white doves] Take these flowers to Nancy, please. Robert: What are you, crazy? They're birds! They don't know where she lives.

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Nathaniel: [after Edward gets hit by bicyclists] Oh, dear, sire. You've fallen on your royal... Edward: I know, I know.

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Nathaniel: Sire, do you...like yourself? Edward: What's not to like?

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Robert: [regarding Morgan] I know she's shy. I know she doesn't have very many friends. I just want her to be strong, you know? To be able to face the world for what it is. That's why I don't encourage the fairy tales. I don't want to set her up to believe in this "dreams come true" nonsense. Giselle: But dreams do come true. And maybe something wonderful will happen. Robert: Yeah, well, I forgot who I was talking to. Giselle: Well, I hope you don't forget. I like talking to you. Nathaniel: [as French waiter] For the nice lady. From a secret admirer. Giselle: Oh! Robert: A secret admirer? How come people keep giving you free stuff? Giselle: What is it? Nathaniel: [as French waiter] It's an apple martini, miss! Giselle: Oh, apple mar...ooh! It looks yummy. Robert: Yeah, be careful, it's poisonous. Giselle: You're joking. Robert: Yeah. No, they'll creep up on you, though. I'd be really careful. Giselle: Well, I'll just have one sip. Nathaniel: A sip, is all it takes.

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Edward: [talking to a TV] Magic Mirror, I beg you. Tell me where she is! Mary Ilene Caselotti: [on TV] Reporting from 116th and Broadway. Edward: 116th and Broadway! [hugs the TV] Thank you, Mirror! [kisses it and leaves]

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Pregnant Woman with Kids: [taking in Edward's "Prince Charming" getup] ...You're too late. Edward: [stricken] My apologies.

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Robert: You know what? I don't know if you're kidding or if you're being ironic, because chipmunks, they don't talk. Giselle: Well, not here they don't.

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Giselle: Is that the only word that you know? "No?" Robert: No. Giselle: Oh, yeah. Robert: No. Giselle: "No." Robert: No. Giselle: "No." Robert: No. I mean, no! No. Giselle: "No! No! No!" Over and over again! Every word out of your mouth is "No!" It just makes me so...Oh, sometimes you make me so... Robert: Make you so what? Giselle: You make me so...so...angry! [laughs] I'm angry! [laughs]

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Narissa: [after learning Giselle is still alive] I sent you to kill her, not save her. Can't you get that straight? Nathaniel: I realize you're upset, madam, but if you could find your way to give me one more chance, I promise... Narissa: Another chance? What, do you think poison apples grow on trees? There's only one left! You are out of chances. Nathaniel: Your Majesty, please, I... Narissa: NO, FORGET IT! I'M COMING THERE, AND I WILL KILL THE LITTLE WRETCH <big>MYSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELF!!!!!!!!!!</big> [causing all the glasses to break]

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Edward: Have you any last words before I dispatch you? Robert: You have got to be kidding me! Edward: [confused] Strange words.

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Morgan: And when you go out, you don't want to wear too much makeup 'cause otherwise the boys get the wrong idea. And you know how they are. They are only after one thing. Giselle: What's that? Morgan Philip: I don't know. Nobody will tell me.

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Nancy: [calling 911] Hello? We have a woman here, she's unconscious. I don't know. I didn't see what happened. Narissa: Well, she fainted, and- Nathaniel: [appearing out of nowhere] No, she didn't. Narissa: Nathaniel, back to the car. Nathaniel: I will not. You poisoned her. Narissa: [jokingly] Ha! Nathaniel: [to Edward] She's the evil hag, sire! Edward: [to Narissa; shocked] You did this? Nathaniel: She sent the girl here! She poisoned her! With my help I...I regret to say. Narissa: Oh, he's lying, darling. Why would I ally myself with that buffoon? I mean, think about. Why would I-? Edward: Silence! You lying, murderous wretch. When we return home, all of Andalasia shall know of your treachery. Your days as Queen will be over. Narissa: Take my crown? Don't you think that's a bit melodramatic, dear? Edward: I don't know what "melodramatic" means. But you will be removed from the throne forever. I will see to it, Narissa.

Dialogue

Narissa: [after transforming herself into a dragon in front of everyone] Ah, of all this nauseating talk of true love's kiss, it really does bring out the worse in me. You know I've been thinking, if I'm going to remain Queen, I'm gonna need some sort of story when I go back. Hmm...What if a giant vicious beast showed up, and killed everyone, and poor defenseless Queen Narissa, she just couldn't save them? [looks at Giselle] Let's begin with the girl who started it all, shall we? Robert: Over my dead body. Narissa: Alright. I'm flexible. [grabs Robert] Come along, Giselle! We don't want you to miss this ending! [busts out of the window and climbs up the building]

Dialogue

Robert: Let me go! Put me down! You're crazy! Narissa: No. Spiteful, vindictive, very large, but never crazy.