Quotes

Others

Peter Pan: He can fly! Big Bad Wolf: What? Thelonious: Three! Pick number three, my lord! Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair! Monsieur Hood: Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy?

Dialogue

[first lines; narrates his storybook] Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss. [laughs] Like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of...

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Villagers: [off-screen] I think he's in there? Villager Chris: [sotto; intense] All right, LET'S GET HIM! [Another villager looks alarmed and reaches out, grabbing the first and stopped him] Villager James: Whoa, hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you? [A third villager pipes in] Villager Mike: [foreboding] Yeah, he'll grind your bones for its bread. [The other villagers all stare at him bewildered] Shrek: [brightly, laughing] Yes. [exposes himself, villagers gasp] Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres... oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! Villagers: No! Shrek: They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. Villager James: [waves his torches in front of Shrek] BACK! BACK, BEAST! BACK! I WARN YA! [Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match; he smiles nervously] Right. Shrek: [whispers] <small>This is the part, where you run away.</small> [the vil

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Guard #1: All right. This one's full. Take it away! Dwarfs: He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we... He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we. Guard #2: Move it along. Come on. Captain of the Guard: [his first words] Next! [Guard grabs her broom] Guard #2: Give me that! Your flying days are over. Captain of the Guard: That's 20 pieces of silver for the Witch. Next! Guard: Come on! Villager: 20 pieces. [As the villager passes out] Guard #1: [to Guard #2] Sit down there! Guard #2: [to Guard #1] Keep quiet! Guard #1: [to Guard #2] You keep quiet! Baby Bear: [sadly] This cage is too small. Donkey: Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! Old Lady: Oh, shut up. Donkey: Oh! Captain of the Guard: Next! [Geppetto steps forward and places Pinocchio down on the table] What have you got? Geppetto: This little wooden puppet. Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy! Captain of the Guard: 5 shillings for the possessed toy. Take him away. Pinoc

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Donkey: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Shrek: [annoyed] Are you talking to? [turns around and Donkey is gone] Me? [turns back around, Donkey shows up] Ha! Donkey: Yes, I was talking to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man, those guards! They thought they were all that. Then you showed up and bam! They were tripping over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Shrek: That's great. Really. Donkey: Man, it's good to be free. Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? [walks off] Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. [catches up to Shrek] Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. [Shrek exhales while turning around and roars at him] Shrek: [worried] <big><big

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Donkey: [eyes the DANGER KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home] I guess you don't, uh, entertain much, do you? Shrek: I like my privacy. Donkey: You know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know... [silence ensues] ...Can I stay with you? Shrek: Uh, what? Donkey: Can I stay with you... please? Shrek: Of course! Donkey: Really? Should I go inside? Shrek: No. Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a think! [slight pauses out; Shrek gives Donkey a look] Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay outside! Please, please! Shrek: Okay! Okay. Then stay outside. But one night only. Donkey: Ah, thank you! [Shrek opens his door, Donkey charges into the hovel] Shrek: Whoa! What are you...?? No, no, no! Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay u

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Shrek: I thought I told you to stay outside. Donkey: I am stay outside. [Shrek hears skittering. He spins to look, and he whips around to see Three Blind Mice stumbling around on his dinner table] Mouse #1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? Mouse #2: Well, it's not home, but it'll do just fine. Mouse #3: What a lovely bed! Shrek: Gotcha! Mouse #3: I've found some cheese! Shrek: Ow! Mouse #3: Blah! Awful stuff. Mouse #2: Is that you Gorder?! Mouse #3: How did you know? Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? Hey! Oh, no, no, no, no! Get your dead broad off the table. Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put it? The bed's taken. Shrek: Huh? Wolf: What?

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Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy? Wolf: Aaaah! Shrek: Oh, no. Oh, no. No! NO!!! [cackling] WHAT?! Girl: Quit it. Don’t push. Shrek: [echoes] WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!?!?! Fairy Godmother: [gasping] Oh, dear! Dwarf: Whoa! Shrek: All right, get out of here! All of you, move it! Come on! Let’s go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Dwarf: Quickly. Come on! [more dwarves run inside the house] Shrek: No, no! No, no. Not there! Not there! [they shut the door on him] Oh! [turns to look at Donkey] Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t invite them. Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us. Shrek: What? Pinocchio: We were forced to come here. Shrek: [surprised] By who? Pig 3: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he… signed an eviction notice. Shrek: [heavy sigh] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad is? Donkey: Oh, I do! I know where he is! Shrek: Does everyone else know where to find him?! Anyone at all? Donkey: Me!

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Gingerbread Man: [Off-screen] No! [makes mumbling noises when trying to talk in the milk] Lord Farquaad: [his first words] That's enough! He's ready to talk. [puts him down; Farquaad laughs, then signals for the table to lower] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man! Gingerbread Man: [angrily] You're a monster. Lord Farquaad: I'm not the monster here! You think. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world.NOW TELL ME! WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?! Gingerbread Man: Eat me! [spits at Farquaad] Lord Farquaad: [grunts] I've tried to be fair with your creatures, but now my patience has reached its END!!!! <big>TELL ME, OR I'LL--!!</big> Gingerbread Man: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons! Lord Farquaad: ALL RIGHT, FINE, THEN, WHO'S HIDING THEM?! Gingerbread Man: Okay! I'll tell you. Do you know the Muffin Man? Lord Farquaad: The Muffin Man? Gingerbread Man: The Muffin Man. Lord Farquaad: Yes. I know the Muffin Man. Who-who

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Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [laughs] Donkey: Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. Shrek: [annoyed] Hey, you! Shrek: [annoyed] Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just... I just... [exasperated sigh]

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Shrek: Oh, yeah! Ah, ah! Thank you! Thank you very much. I'm here 'til Thursday, try the veal. [laughs] Guard: Shall I give the order, sir? Lord Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc, I give you our champion! Shrek: What? Lord Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.

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Donkey: Okay, so let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right? Shrek: You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. Donkey: I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip. Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no. Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think. Donkey: Example? Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. [he holds out his onion] Donkey: [sniffs the onion] They stink? Shrek: Yes - - No! Donkey: Or they make you cry? Shrek: No! Donkey: Oh, you

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[singing] I'm on my way from misery to happiness today / Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah) / I'm on my way from misery to happiness today / Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah) / I'm on my way to what I want from this world / And years from now you'll make it to the next world / And everything that you receive up yonder / Is what you gave to me the day I wandered...| I took a right, I took a right turning yesterday / Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah), yeah / I took a right, I took a right turning yesterday / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah / I took the road that brought me to your home town / I took the bus to streets that I could walk down / I walked the streets to find the one I'd looked for / I climbed the stair that led me to your front door...| And now that I don't want for anything (Ooh) / I'd have Al Jolson sing "I'm sitting on top of the world"...| I'll do my best, I'll do my best to do the best I can / Ah-hah (Ah-hah), ah-hah (Ah-hah), yeah / I'll do my best, I'll do my best to do the best I

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Donkey: [sniffs] Whew! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything. Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. [sniffs] It's brimstone. We must be getting close. Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it being brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone either. Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [laughs] Donkey: [chuckles along nervously] Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said that ogres have layers? Shrek: Oh, aye. Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. [gasps, seeing the skeleton of a horse] Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. Shrek: Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. Donkey: You know what I mean. Shrek: Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of heights. Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava! Shrek: Come on,

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Donkey: [whispers nervously] You afraid? Shrek: No. But.... [shushes Donkey in the fear of awakening the dragon] Donkey: [sighs] Oh, good. Me neither. [gets spooked and gasps] 'Cause there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. An unfamiliar, dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire. It sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're in danger. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. Shrek: Donkey, 2 things, okay? Shut. Up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. [grabs the helmet and puts it on] Donkey: Stairs? I thought we were looking for the princess. Shrek: [picking up various pieces of armor] The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. Donkey: What makes you think she'll be there? Shrek: I read it in a book once. [walks off] Donkey: Cool. You handle The Dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip thei

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Princess Fiona: Wha... Wha... Shrek: Wake up! Princess Fiona: What?! Shrek: Are you Princess Fiona? Princess Fiona: I am... [smiling] awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. Shrek: Ah, that's nice. Now let's go! Princess Fiona: But, wait, Shrek! This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? [she tosses the bouquet and lays back down, swooning] Shrek: Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. [Shrek walks back, grabs Fiona's arm. and hauls her out of bed and toward the door] Princess Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. [Shrek yanks on the door handle only for it to snap off] Shrek: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? Princess Fiona: Mm-hmm. [screams as Shrek suddenly smashes the door down with his shoulder, still holding onto her arm. He rushes down the tower's staircase in tow and grabs a torch] But we have to savor this moment! You could r

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Princess Fiona: [sliding down the 'volcano' hill] You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. [behind her Donkey falls down the hill] You're...You're wonderful. You're... [and behind him Shrek fall down the hill and bumps into Donkey] a little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thy heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. [Donkey clears his throat.] And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? Donkey: I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. Princess Fiona: The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. Shrek: Uh, no. Princess Fiona: Why not? Shrek: I have helmet hair. Princess Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. Shrek: No, no, you wouldn't...'st. Princess Fiona: But how will you kiss me? Shrek: What? [to Donkey] That wasn’t in the job description. Donkey: Maybe it's a perk. Princess Fiona: No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by

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Donkey: Okay, so here’s another question. Say there’s a woman that digs you, right, but you don’t really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren’t hurt, but you don’t get burned to a crisp and eaten? Princess Fiona: You just tell her she’s not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your… [Shrek drops her on the ground] Hey! The sooner we get to Duloc, the better. Donkey: You’re gonna love it there, Princess. It’s beautiful! Princess Fiona: And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What’s he like? Shrek: Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad’s stature are in short supply. [he and Donkey laugh] Donkey: I don’t know. There are those who think little of him. Princess Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You’re just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. Shrek: Yeah, well, maybe you’re right, Princess. But I’ll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. Princess Fiona: [looks at the

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Shrek: Hey! Over here. Donkey: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don’t think this is fit for a princess. Princess Fiona: No, no, it’s perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. Shrek: Homey touches? Like what? [he hears a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona who has torn the bark off of a tree.] Princess Fiona: A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. [goes into the cave and puts the bark door up behind her.] Donkey: You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. Princess Fiona: [os] I said good night! Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? Shrek: [laughs] I just.... You know.... Oh, come on. I was just kidding.

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Shrek: And, uh, that one, that’s Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields. Donkey: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? Shrek: The stars don’t tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there’s Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he’s famous for. Donkey: I know you’re making this up. Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there’s the group of hunters running away from his stench. Donkey: That ain’t nothin’ but a bunch of little dots. Shrek: You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. Donkey: [heaves a big sigh] Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? Shrek: Our swamp? Donkey: You know, when we’re through rescuing the princess. Shrek: We? Donkey, there’s no "we". There’s no "our". There’s just me and my swamp. The first thing I’m gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land. Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole

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Lord Farquaad: Again, show me again. [The mirror rewinds the picture] Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. Magic Mirror: Hmph. Lord Farquaad: Ah. Perfect.

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Donkey: [quietly] Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. Come on, baby. I said I like it. Shrek: Donkey, wake up. [shakes him] Donkey: Huh? What? Shrek: Wake up. Donkey: What? [stretches and yawns] Princess Fiona: Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? Donkey: Oh, good morning, Princess! Shrek: What’s all this about? Princess Fiona: You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. Shrek: Uh, thanks. Princess Fiona: Well, eat up. We’ve got a big day ahead of us. [walks off]

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Donkey: Shrek! Shrek: What? It’s a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [laughs] Donkey: Well, it’s no way to behave in front of a princess. Princess Fiona: Thanks. Donkey: She’s as nasty as you are. Shrek: [chuckles] You know, you’re not exactly what I expected. Princess Fiona: Well, maybe you shouldn’t judge people before you get to know them. Robin Hood: La liberte! Hey! Shrek: Princess! Princess Fiona: [to Robin Hood] What are you doing? Robin Hood: Be still, mon cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green... [kisses up her arm while Fiona pulls back in disgust] ...beast. Shrek: Hey! That’s my princess! Go find your own! Robin Hood: Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? Princess Fiona: [getting fed up] Look, pal, I don’t know who you think you are! Robin Hood: Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [laughs] Merry Men: Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. Robin Hood: ♪ I steal from the rich and give to the ne

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Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn’t color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. Shrek: [os] OW! Donkey: Hold on, Shrek! I’m comin’! [rips a flower off a nearby bush that just happens to be a blue flower with red thorns]

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Shrek: Ow! Not good! Princess Fiona: Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. [Shrek grunts as she pulls] It’s just about... Shrek: Ow! Ohh! [he jerks and manages to fall over with Fiona on top of him] Donkey: Ahem. Shrek: [throwing Fiona off of him] Nothing happened. We were just, uh... Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? Shrek: Oh, come on! That’s the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just-- [Fiona pulls the arrow out] Ugh! [he turns to look at Fiona, who holds up the arrow with a smile] Ow! Donkey: Hey, what’s that? [nervous chuckle] That’s-- Is that blood? [faints] EELS: [singing] My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Get us through all kinds of weather Donkey: Aah! EELS: [singing] She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that’s so damn mean [croaks] Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh Princess Fiona: Hey! EELS: [singing] La-la, la-l

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Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. Princess Fiona: That’s DuLoc? Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad’s compensating for something, which I think means he has a really… [Shrek steps on his hoof] OW! Shrek: Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. Princess Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I’m.... I’m worried about Donkey. Shrek: What? Princess Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn’t look so good. Donkey: What are you talking about? I’m fine. Princess Fiona: [kneels to look him in the eyes] That’s what they always say, and then next thing you know, you’re on your back. [pause] Day. Shrek: You know, she’s right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? Princess Fiona: Uh, you know, I’ll make you some tea. Donkey: I didn’t want to say nothin’, but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, [turns his neck in a very sharp way until his head is completely sideways] Ow! See? Shrek: Who’s hungry? I’ll find us some dinner. Princess Fion

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Princess Fiona: Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? Shrek: Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style. Princess Fiona: No kidding. Well, this is delicious. Shrek: Well, they’re also great in stews. Now, I don’t mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew. [chuckles] Princess Fiona: I guess I’ll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. Shrek: Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I’ll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it. Princess Fiona: [smiles] I’d like that. Shrek: Um, Princess? Princess Fiona: Yes, Shrek? Shrek: I, um, I was wondering…are you… [sighs] Are you gonna eat that? Donkey: [chuckles] Well, isn’t this romantic? Just look at that sunset. Princess Fiona: [jumps up] Sunset?! Oh, no! I mean, it’s late. I-It’s very late. Shrek: What? Donkey: Wait a minute. I see what’s goin’ on here. You’re afraid of the dark, aren’t you? Princess Fiona: Yes! Yes, that’s it. I’m terrified. You know, I’d better go inside. Donke

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Donkey: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? Princess? [Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but he can’t see her.] It’s very spooky in here. I ain’t playing no games. Donkey: AAAAAHHHHH!!! Princess Fiona: No! No! No! Donkey: OH, NO, HELP! Princess Fiona: Shh! Donkey: SHREK!!! SHREK!!! SHREK!!! Princess Fiona: No, it’s okay. It’s okay. Donkey: <big>WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE PRINCESS?!</big> Princess Fiona: Donkey, shh! I’m the princess. Donkey: AAAAAHHHHH!!! Princess Fiona: It’s me, in this body. Donkey: [to Fiona] Oh, my God! You ate the princess! CAN YOU HEAR ME?! Princess Fiona: Donkey?! Donkey: [still aimed at her stomach] Listen, keep breathing! I’ll get you out of there! Princess Fiona: No! Donkey: SHREK!!! SHREK!!! SHREK!!! Princess Fiona: Shh. Donkey: SHREK!!! Princess Fiona: This is me. Donkey: [he looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets down.] Princess? What happened to you? You’re, uh, uh, uh, different. Princess Fiona: I’m ugly, okay? Donke

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Shrek: [to himself] Princess, I...Uh, how’s it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I’m okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it’s pretty and...well, I don’t really like it, but I thought you might like it ‘cause you’re pretty. But I like you anyway. I’d...uh, uh... [sighs] I’m in trouble. Okay, here we go. Princess Fiona: [os] I can’t just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don’t go together. That’s why I can’t stay here with Shrek. Princess Fiona: [os] My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.

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Princess Fiona: Don’t you see, Donkey? That’s just how it has to be. It’s the only way to break the spell. Donkey: You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. Princess Fiona: No! You can’t breathe a word. No one must ever know. Donkey: What’s the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? Princess Fiona: Promise you won’t tell. Promise! Donkey: All right, all right. I won’t tell him. But you should. [goes outside] I just know before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.

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Princess Fiona: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. [she quickly runs to the door and goes outside] Shrek! Shrek, there’s something I want... Princess Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right? Shrek: Perfect! Never been better. Princess Fiona: I...I don’t...There’s something I have to tell you. Shrek: You don’t have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. Princess Fiona: You heard what I said? Shrek: Every word. Princess Fiona: I thought you’d understand. Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" Princess Fiona: But I thought that wouldn’t matter to you. Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does. [Fiona looks at him in shock. He looks past her and spots a group approaching.] Ah, right on time. Princess, I’ve brought you a little something. Donkey: What’d I miss? What’d I miss? [he spots the soldiers, mumbling to himself.] Who said that? Couldn’t have been the Donkey. Lord Farquaad: Princess Fiona. Shrek: As promised. Now h

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Shrek: Donkey? [as Donkey tries his best and continues with what he’s doing.] What are you doing? Donkey: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. Shrek: Well, yeah. But the wall’s supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. Donkey: It is around your half. See, that’s your half, and this is my half. Shrek: Oh! Your half. Hmm. Donkey: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. Shrek: [grabs the tree branch Donkey is working with] Back off! Donkey: No, you back off! Shrek: This is my swamp! Donkey: Our swamp! Shrek: Let go, Donkey! Donkey: You let go! Shrek: Stubborn jackass! Donkey: Smelly ogre! Shrek: Fine! [drops the tree branch and walks away] Donkey: Hey, hey, come back here. I’m not through with you yet. Shrek: Well, I’m through with you. Donkey: Uh-uh. You know, with you it’s always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it’s my turn! So

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Bishop: People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union... Princess Fiona: [eyeing the setting sun] Um... Bishop: ...of your new king. Princess Fiona: Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do’s"? Lord Farquaad: [chuckles and then motions to the priest to indulge Fiona] Go on.

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Donkey: [to Dragon] Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I’ll whistle. How about that? [she nods and goes after the guards] Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don’t you? Shrek: [at the Church door] What are you talking about? Donkey: There’s a line you gotta wait for. The preacher’s gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That’s when you say, "I object!" Shrek: I don’t have time for this! Donkey: Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don’t you? Shrek: Yes. Donkey: You wanna hold her?! Shrek: Yes. Donkey: PLEASE HER?! Shrek: YES! Donkey: Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic cop! Shrek: All right! Cut it out. When does this man say the line? Donkey: We gotta check it out.

Dialogue

Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me. Shrek: What do you see? Donkey: The whole town’s in there. Bishop: I now pronounce you… Donkey: They’re at the altar. Bishop: …king and queen. Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it. Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete!

Dialogue

Shrek: [running toward the alter] I object! Princess Fiona: Shrek. Lord Farquaad: Oh, now what does he want? Shrek: [to congregation as he reaches the front of the Church] Hi, everyone. Havin’ a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very clean. Princess Fiona: What are you doing here? Lord Farquaad: Really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding! Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you. Princess Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? Well, it’s a little late for that, so if you’ll excuse me-- Shrek: But you can’t marry him. Princess Fiona: And why not? Shrek: Because-- Because he’s just marrying you so he can be king. Lord Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don’t mind me. Shrek: He’s not your true love. Princess Fiona: And what do you know about true love? Shrek: Well, I...Uh...I mean... Lord Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. [laughs] Lord Farquaad: An ogre and a princess! Princess Fio

Dialogue

Gingerbread Man: God bless us, every one. Donkey: [as he's done singing and we cut to black; laughing] Oh, that’s funny. Oh. Oh. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.

Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party

Hi everybody, and welcome to the Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party. [turns on the radio] I'm gonna take things down a little bit with one of my personal favorites. (sings "The Way You Are")

DVD Menu

Shrek: [opens the door] Huh? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP?!?!?! Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Pig 1: Play the movie! Pig 2: Ja! Pig 3: Play! Shrek: [off screen] No, no! No, no! Not there! Not there! Tinker Bell: [hits the camera] Ohh! Princess Fiona: What?! Wolf: What? Baby Bear: This menu's too small! Pinocchio: There's no special features here. Gingerbread Man: Not my gumdrop buttons...! Donkey: Hey, I can fly!