Shrek

Peter Pan: He can fly! Big Bad Wolf: What? Thelonious: Three! Pick number three, my lord! Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair! Monsieur Hood: Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy?

Shrek, CC BY-SA 4.0

[first lines; narrates his storybook] Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss. [laughs] Like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of...

Shrek, CC BY-SA 4.0

Villagers: [off-screen] I think he's in there? Villager Chris: [sotto; intense] All right, LET'S GET HIM! [Another villager looks alarmed and reaches out, grabbing the first and stopped him] Villager James: Whoa, hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you? [A third villager pipes in] Villager Mike: [foreboding] Yeah, he'll grind your bones for its bread. [The other villagers all stare at him bewildered] Shrek: [brightly, laughing] Yes. [exposes himself, villagers gasp] Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres... oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! Villagers: No! Shrek: They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. Villager James: [waves his torches in front of Shrek] BACK! BACK, BEAST! BACK! I WARN YA! [Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match; he smiles nervously] Right. Shrek: [whispers] <small>This is the part, where you run away.</small> [the vil

Shrek, CC BY-SA 4.0

Guard #1: All right. This one's full. Take it away! Dwarfs: He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we... He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we. Guard #2: Move it along. Come on. Captain of the Guard: [his first words] Next! [Guard grabs her broom] Guard #2: Give me that! Your flying days are over. Captain of the Guard: That's 20 pieces of silver for the Witch. Next! Guard: Come on! Villager: 20 pieces. [As the villager passes out] Guard #1: [to Guard #2] Sit down there! Guard #2: [to Guard #1] Keep quiet! Guard #1: [to Guard #2] You keep quiet! Baby Bear: [sadly] This cage is too small. Donkey: Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! Old Lady: Oh, shut up. Donkey: Oh! Captain of the Guard: Next! [Geppetto steps forward and places Pinocchio down on the table] What have you got? Geppetto: This little wooden puppet. Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy! Captain of the Guard: 5 shillings for the possessed toy. Take him away. Pinoc

Shrek, CC BY-SA 4.0

Donkey: Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Shrek: [annoyed] Are you talking to? [turns around and Donkey is gone] Me? [turns back around, Donkey shows up] Ha! Donkey: Yes, I was talking to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man, those guards! They thought they were all that. Then you showed up and bam! They were tripping over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. Shrek: That's great. Really. Donkey: Man, it's good to be free. Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? [walks off] Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. [catches up to Shrek] Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. [Shrek exhales while turning around and roars at him] Shrek: [worried] <big><big

Shrek, CC BY-SA 4.0

Donkey: [eyes the DANGER KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home] I guess you don't, uh, entertain much, do you? Shrek: I like my privacy. Donkey: You know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know... [silence ensues] ...Can I stay with you? Shrek: Uh, what? Donkey: Can I stay with you... please? Shrek: Of course! Donkey: Really? Should I go inside? Shrek: No. Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a think! [slight pauses out; Shrek gives Donkey a look] Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay outside! Please, please! Shrek: Okay! Okay. Then stay outside. But one night only. Donkey: Ah, thank you! [Shrek opens his door, Donkey charges into the hovel] Shrek: Whoa! What are you...?? No, no, no! Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay u

Shrek, CC BY-SA 4.0