Quotes

Dialogue

Balthazar: Change into these. [tosses a pair of formal dress shoes at Dave] Rubber soles block the current. Plus, it helps to look classy. Dave: These are old man shoes. Balthazar: [threateningly] Excuse me? Dave: And I love them. [beat] A lot.

Dialogue

Dave: I don't actually know who you are. Drake: Really? You don't recognize me? Dave: Are you in Depeche Mode?

Dialogue

Dave: Do you know what my life has been like for the past ten years? Balthazar: I've been stuck in an urn for ten years. Dave: So have I! A figurative urn of ridicule! Did you know that in some parts of the tri-state area they still refer to having a nervous breakdown as "pulling a David Stutler"? Did you know that?! Balthazar: Try to be a good listener, Dave.

Dialogue

Becky: How'd you do that? That guy was huge! Dave: I've been doing a lot of cardio boxing lately. Let me introduce "thunder and lightning." Balthazar: Let's go "thunder and lightning."

Dialogue

Balthazar: Keep it subtle. Civilians must not know that magic still exists. That would be complicated. Dave: Says the guy in the 350-year-old rawhide trench coat.

Dialogue

Horvath: [waving staff] You do not need to see my faculty identification card. NYU Clerk: I do not need to see your faculty identification card. Drake: (waving hand and imitating Star Wars Jedi Obiwan Kenobi) These are not the droids you are looking for.

Dialogue

Becky: That guy just flew away on an eagle! A steel eagle! Dave: I guess the first thing you should know about me is that I'm a sorcerer. Becky: And I thought my last boyfriend was different 'cause he wore a scarf.

Dialogue

Drake: [magically turns on all the hand dryers in the restroom] Can't have anyone hear your girly cries. Dave: This is high school all over again.

Dialogue

Becky: Something about you is different. Dave: I'm wearing new shoes. Becky: Oh, nice.

Dialogue

Dave: You wanna meet up at my lab? Becky: Yeah. Dave: With me? Becky: Yes. Dave: Okay, just checking.

Dialogue

Dave: Are you telling me you're trying to possess Tank? Balthazar: Yes, and I'm not sure it's the best idea either. Dave: No.

Dialogue

Balthazar: I had a dream. You were insulting me, Dave. Repeatedly. Dave: Me? Pretty weird, huh? Balthazar: No. Kinda makes sense.

Dialogue

Balthazar: You have abused the sacred art, and you have abused the Merlin Circle. Magic isn't a game. No shortcuts! Falling in that water and getting electrocuted, that's how a sorcerer loses his power. Dave: What rule is that?! 14th?! 27th?! I can't even remember! What difference does it make if it's obvious that I can't even control a few mops?! Balthazar: The stronger the man, the stronger the sorcerer. Dave: Thank you. Thank you for another useless motto. Balthazar: I have another one for you. You will not control your magic if you will not control yourself. You need to stop your worrying and start believing in yourself. Dave: Is that what you do? Balthazar: What I do isn't the point. Dave: I think it is. I'm convinced you exist purely to make my life a living hell. Balthazar: You don't know anything about a living hell. You're making progress. Dave: No, I'm not making progress. No ring, right? No magic. I can't move the chairs. I can't do it. It's not me, Balthazar, I'm sorry. I'm