Grumpy Old Men

John: Did you hear about Eddie Hicks? Max: Hypothermia's a bitch. It ain't quick like a stroke. John: A stroke's no damn good; you could end up a vegetable! Give me a cardiac any day. Max: You know what Jacob said. Jacob said that old Billy Henchel was killed in a car crash. Head on collision with a freight truck. Cleared his car straight over the bridge into the Mississippi. John: Lucky bastard. Max: You bet. John: Hey, how is he anyway? Max: He's dead! Died on impact! John: Jacob, moron. Jacob! Max: Oh he's fine. Real busy, but he promised to come home for Thanksgiving. John: Is he running for mayor? Max: Make a damn fine mayor too. John: It's a good thing he's his mother's son. If he looked anything like you, he'd never get on the ballot. Max: [Insulted] Eat my shorts!

Grumpy Old Men (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

John: Did you hear, someone moved into the old Klickner place? A woman. Grandpa: A woman? John: Yeah. Grandpa: Did you mount her? John: Ohhh, Dad! Grandpa: Well the woman, does she have big thighs? John: No! Grandpa: No?! Then what's the problem? If I was a young fella like you, I'd be mounting every woman in Wabasha. (Grabs the six pack of beer out of his son's hands). Keep the change!

Grumpy Old Men (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Max: Morning, dickhead. John: Hello, moron.

Grumpy Old Men (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Max: Hey dickhead, win the lottery? John: Enjoy your shower, smartass?

Grumpy Old Men (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Max: Your old pal failed you, huh Chuck? John: Ohhhh, couldn't rise to the occasion? Max: Yes, the spirit was willing... John: Yeah, but the flesh was, uh.... Max: Weak! Weak!

Grumpy Old Men (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Ariel: I said it's time for bed. John: Hold on, I'm...I'm not prepared. See, these days, they say you have to do...safe sex. Ariel: John, when was the last time you made love? John: October 4th....1978. Ariel: Oh, I think we're safe.....

Grumpy Old Men (film), CC BY-SA 4.0