Quotes

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Tonight, broadcasting takes a giant leap... backward. Gather the kids, the dog, grandma... and lock them in another room. And sit back and enjoy this very special episode of Moonlighting.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

[...] I don't know about you, but I for one, I for one, hit my knees every night and thank the man upstairs that there is a little bit of dishonesty left in this otherwise sunny world. You just think about that. That's all I have to say.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second, there's a page missing out of my copy of the script.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

David: You look at everything like... a woman first and then a person second. Maddie: What does that mean? David: I said what I meant and I meant what I said.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Maddie: You're an animal. David: And you're a sexist. Maddie: What?! David: A sexist!! You know what a sexist is? Maddie: Of course I know what a sexist is, I am looking at one. David: So am I!!

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Maddie and David: (overlapping) I am not speaking to you - Are too!- I am not. -Are too!!!- Am not!!- Are too!!- Am not!!! Maddie: Not another word, not another sound, not another beep until we get back to the office!! David: Beep.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

David: (on the telephone) Men's room? Maddie: I am not a sexist! David: Not only are you a sexist, but you are the sexiest sexist that's ever been in my good fortune to satirize. Maddie: Satirize? David: Satirize, scrutinize, fantasize, etc etc etc. (Maddie slams down receiver)

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Name's Chance... Chance Cash Johnny Rick Lonesome Shane McCoy. You can call me Zach.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Maddie/Rita: We have to get back to the real world! David/Zach: No, never. I'll never give up my dreams. 'Cause if you stop dreaming you're just wasting eight hours a night.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

That was the first time I saw Rita. She was the kind of dame that makes a man grateful he's a man. She looked like she was misunderstood. Me, I wanted to understand her, like I've never understood any woman before. Come to think of it, I never have understood any woman before.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Rita/Maddie: You were pretty hot tonight. Zach/David: You, too. Rita/Maddie: You got a great lip. Zach/David: You got, too. Rita/Maddie: Drink? Zach/David: Absolutely. Eat, too. (in voiceover) That night was the beginning. We would see more of each other, then all of each other. But this is television, so we won't get into that.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

(in voiceover) I always play my horn with my shirt off. Late at night, by an open window, next to a flashing neon light. I know I look good that way.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Rita/Maddie: I guess the only way to get rid of Jerry is... to get rid of Jerry. You know what I mean? Zach/David: (in voiceover) I didn't wanna say No, she'd think I was stupid. But I didn't wanna say Yes either, 'cause she'd think that I wanted to. Besides, I really wasn't listening, I was too busy trying to look down the sheet.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

(in voiceover) And then she was gone. I couldn't believe she'd walk out. But I knew she'd be back. She left her clothes behind.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

(in voiceover) And that's when we started to plan the murder. What to wear, what to bring. In murder, as in life, planning is everything.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

(in voiceover) I walked the streets for hours that night, my mind was reeling. I felt alone, adrift, I had never murdered anyone before. I had so many questions. How long was I supposed to walk the streets? How much guilt was I supposed to be feeling? How long will those signs float over my head?... (walks into a bar, still in voiceover) I wasn't ready to stop talking to myself yet, so I figured I might be better company if I had a couple of drinks.

The Dream Sequence Always Rings Twice

Zach/David: [being walked to the electric chair] I ain't worried, don't you know you can't dream your own death? Guard: Didn't you hear? There's a new rule...

The Murder's in the Mail 1x07

Security Officer: I'm sorry, but you're not on the guest list. David Addison: That's because we're not guests. We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose. Security Officer: A mole on his nose? Maddie Hayes: A mole on his nose. Security Officer: [to Maddie] What kind of clothes? Maddie Hayes: [to David] What kind of clothes? David Addison: What kind of clothes do you suppose? Security Officer: What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose? Who knows? David Addison: Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself. Maddie Hayes: How do you do that? David Addison: Gotta read a lot of Dr. Seuss. Security Officer: I'm sorry to say, I'm sad to report, I haven't seen anyone at all of that sort. Not a man who's Chinese with a mole on his nose with some kind of clothes that you can't suppose. So get away fro

Symphony in Knocked Flat

Maddie: What the hell is a funk video? David: It's called: 'How to Be Funky' It's gonna teach you how to get down, how to stay down, how to roll around...

Symphony in Knocked Flat

Agnes: Oooooh. Maddie: Ooooooh? Agnes: Yeah, oooooh.

Symphony in Knocked Flat

I've been known to deliver my own flora, and on occasion my own fauna.

Symphony in Knocked Flat

David: Just extending the metaphor. Maddie: Extend it somewhere else.

Symphony in Knocked Flat

David: The sophistication under the rugged exterior. Maddie: The what under what?

Symphony in Knocked Flat

David: Kinda makes you wonder why you doubted me before? Maddie: The night is young.

Symphony in Knocked Flat

Are we having fine yet?

Symphony in Knocked Flat

I'd know that slam anywhere.

Symphony in Knocked Flat

David: Did you call? Maddie: I called you ever name in every language.

Symphony in Knocked Flat

Mea culpa, Robert culpa.

Symphony in Knocked Flat

G-man and g-woman. Only thing missing is the g-spot.

Symphony in Knocked Flat

G-woman: Sure? Maddie: Sure. G-man: Positive? Maddie: Positive. David: Cross your heart and hope to die?