Quotes

Others

Son, step away from the animal...

Dialogue

Kevin Myers: Guys, here's to the next step! Paul Finch: Would you please shut up with that stepping?! Put your glass down!

Dialogue

Steve Stifler: Are you saying I'm impolite or something? Jim: "Impolite" would be an improvement.

Dialogue

Jim's Dad: Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it "making love"? Michelle: I don't know. I just call it "boning". Jim's Dad: Boning? Well, when-when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel? Michelle: Horny, like I wanna bone. Jim's Dad: But-but, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear. Michelle: Oh, you've never tried it? Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.

Dialogue

Finch: Now, Jim, let me handle this. These are my people. Stifler: They're gay? Finch: No, you bleeding imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated. Stifler: So, they're gay.

Dialogue

Michelle: [about Stifler] Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence. Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think. Michelle: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.

Dialogue

Finch: "A witty saying proves nothing," -Voltaire. Stifler: "Suck my dick!" -Ron Jeremy.

Dialogue

Stifler: Observe the fucking Stif-meister. What is his defining characteristic? Jim: He uses the F-word excessively. Stifler: Thanks, man. But I also have confidence. You're one big floppy cock!

Dialogue

Cadence: So, can I see the ring? Stifler: Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket. Cadence: Okay, Frodo.

Dialogue

Jim: Honesty, now- Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia? Jim's Dad: Why? Did she say something? Jim: Hypothetically, Dad. Jim's Dad: Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm... Jim: If-If-If you weren't married. Jim's Dad: She's a college girl. Jim: If you were a college guy. Jim's Dad: In a heartbeat. Oh yeah.

Dialogue

Michelle: How did a little perv like you turn into such a great guy? Jim: How did a little nympho like you turn into such a great girl? Michelle: I'm still a nympho. Jim: Well, I'm still a perv.

Dialogue

Paul Finch: Grandmother fucker. Steve Stifler: You're a motherfucker. Paul Finch: [smiling] Yes, I am! Steve Stifler: You son of a bitch.

Dialogue

Stifler: So, you upset about me and Cadence? Finch: Well, let's see. She wasn't into the heavy intellectual stuff; she actually enjoyed me being that imbecile. I don't know, I suppose she's better with you. Stifler: [pats Finch on the back and smiles] Thanks shit-break. [pauses and scowls] Dick. I fucking hate not hating you. Finch: [grins] I did fuck your Mom...twice. Stifler: That's better, fucker.

Dialogue

Stifler's Mom: If this is your idea of a proposal... Finchy, you've got to know I'm over you now. Finch: Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris. Stifler's Mom: And the pool table. Finch: And the car. Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs...

Dialogue

Jim: [following Michelle accepting his proposal] I am the happiest man in the world. [His pants fall down to reveal a huge hard-on.] Jim's Dad: Well, we should all be so happy.

Dialogue

Finch: Urgh! Stifler, Granny! Stifler: Granny? Jim's Grandmother: Focus, FOCUS!!! Stifler: Ughhh, it's not what it looks like! Shut the fucking door! Finch: You got it, champ.

Dialogue

Finch: Grandmother-fucker. Stifler: Yeah, well you're a motherfucker. Finch: Yes, I am. Stifler: Oh you son of a bitch.