Quotes

Dialogue

Fred: Good morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard and I don't appreciate it. Fred: [chuckles] Sorry. You know dogs, they go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: [confused] Oh, okay. Um, uh… yeah!

Dialogue

Dr. Nefario: [appears on the TV] Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I too have encountered great disappointment, but in my eyes, you'll always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid! He said it makes all other villains look... lame. Gru: [responds angrily] Assemble the Minions! Now!

Dialogue

Gru: [takes phone call] Hello, Mom. Sorry. I meant to call, but…? Marlena: I told you, that somebody has stolen the pyramid! [Gru screams in shock] That wasn’t you, isn’t it? Or was it a villain who was actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, mom, I'm about to do something that's very very big, very important! When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud! Marlena: Ha! Good luck with that! Okay, I'm outta here! [ends the call and kicks a punching bag in her dojo, knocking another man across the room] Ha!

Dialogue

Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this one for a while. It's an Anti-Gravity Serum. Dr. Nefario: I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: Err, so far, no. No, they don't. Dr. Nefario: And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. [fires cloud of foul-smelling gas at minion, making a flatulent noise and knocking the minion out] Gru: No, no, no. I said dart gun, not fart gun! Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this.

Dialogue

Young Gru: [Watching Apollo 11 landings] Mom, someday I'm going to go to the moon! Marlena: Oh, I'm afraid you're too late, son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys anymore.

Dialogue

Gru: Okey-dokey, beddy-bye, all tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: Hmm. I think I can live with that. [pulls the lever up] Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up... but try not to toss and turn. Edith: Cool. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then, it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. [whispers scarily] Oh, and there's probably something in your closet. [closes the door] Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes.

Dialogue

Gru: Sorry to bother you, Mr. Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! [shows the shrink ray] Huh? [Jerry manages to get off the couch, but Kevin, who is still sitting on it, is shrunk] Mr. Perkins: Well done, Gru. Rather impressive. Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. [shows a picture] I fly to the moon... [shows another picture] ...I shrink the moon... [shows another picture] ...I grab the moon... [shows a poorly drawn picture, signed by Edith] I sit on the toilet with... What?! [the girls laughing nervously]

Dialogue

Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: [picks up Agnes and puts her back] Pizza?! You just had lunch! Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner?! Just fine, fine, fine, whatever! Just get back in there! Margo: Oh, uh, can we get stuffed crust? Edith, Agnes, Kevin and Jerry: Ooh, stuffed crust! Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: You're funny! Gru: JUST DON'T COME OUT OF THAT ROOM AGAIN! [closes the door; to Mr. Perkins] Alright. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no, no. Luaugh! Hea! That is just to take it over.

Dialogue

Agnes: [sees Super Silly Fun Land] Super Duper Silly Fun Land! Can we go, please? Gru: No.

Dialogue

Mr. Perkins: [to Agnes, Edith and Margo] What are you children?! Gru: [outraged] What are you doing?! I told you to stay out of here! [chases the girls out of the room, then backpedals when Edith and Agnes aim the freeze ray at him] No, no, no! Edith: Freeze ray! Mr. Perkins: Mr. Gru? Gru: [screams and then, he arrives with a frozen body, with the exception of his head, arms, and bottoms.] Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue, I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan-- Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing: you. Young Gru: Look, Mom! I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Marlena: [looks at Gru's picture, but turns back] Ehh. Young Gru: Look, Mom! I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Marlena: [looks at he macaroni prototype, but regrets] Ehh. Young Gru: [excitedly] Look, Mom! I made the real rocket, based on the macaroni prototype! [presses a button and sends the rocket into space] Marlena: [looks at

Dialogue

Mr. Perkins: Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? Oh, that's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly LIKE IT!! [shows Vector the image on his laptop] Vector: Oh. What the...? Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be?! I give you the opportunity of a lifetime and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn’t. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really? Vector: Now you just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon! [opens his weapon case] Squid launcher! Oh, yeah! [fires a squid into the lobby, which lands on man off-screen] Man: Aah! There's a squid on my face! Vector: [chuckles and reloads his launcher] Don't worry. The Moon is as good as ours!

Dialogue

Gru: [trying to put the girls in bed] Come on now. It's bed time. [to Agnes] Did you brush your teeth? [Agnes nods] Let me smell, Let me smell... [Agnes opens her mouth; sniffs, but nearly gags] You did not! [Edith suddenly lands on him] Put on your PJs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired! Agnes: [She holding the book Sleepy Kittens] Will you read us a bedtime story? Gru: No! Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't! We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you... (Teasingly): All night long. Gru: [changrin] Fine.

Dialogue

Agnes: I like him. He's nice. Edith: But scary. [turns off her light] Agnes: Like Santa! [turns off her light]

Dialogue

Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours til the launch and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me that this not as a result of the girls' dance recital? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru! You and I have been working on this for years! It's everything we've dreamed of! Your chance to make history: become “The Man Who Stole the Moon.” But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go! If you don’t do something about it, I will. Gru: I understand. [leaves] Dr. Nefario: Good.

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Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let’s go get that Moon. Gru: Right.

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Man: [stacks some chairs, rolling away] Sorry, buddy. Show's over. Gru: Over?

Dialogue

Gru: [leans into the camera lens] Listen close, you little punk! When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [evilly laughs sarcastically] Ooh, I'm really scared! Agnes: [smugly] He is gonna kick your butt.

Dialogue

Vector: [She jumps. But he grabs Margo] Not so fast! Gru: [to Vector] No! Margo: Let me go!

Dialogue

Gru: OK, girls, time for bed. Edith: Ah, come on, we want a story. Agnes: [excited] Three Sleepy Kittens! Gru: Oh, no. Sorry! That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Gru: Tonight, we are going to read a new book. [shows his homemade book to the girls] This one is called, One Big Unicorn! by Gru, Who wrote it? Oh, me! I wrote it! [opens the book] Oh, look, it's a puppet book. Hey, watch this. [sticks his nose through a small hole] That's the horn. Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever. Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but yes, it probably will be. [opens the book] Here we go! "One Big Unicorn, strong and free, thought he was happy as he could be. Then Three Little Kittens came around! And turned his whole life upside down." Edith: [points to the page] Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: [pulls back the book] No, what are you talking about? These are kittens. Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. [continues reading] "They made him laugh. Ho-ho