Quotes

Dialogue

Murtaugh: I wasn't supposed to tell you this, but Lorna's pregnant, you're gonna be a father! Riggs: No, get going, get... what did you say!? Murtaugh: You're gonna be a FATHER!!

Dialogue

Riggs: Yeah, there's something I'm not supposed to tell you, too. Murtaugh: What? Riggs: Rianne's pregnant, you're gonna be a grandfather! Murtaugh: Rianne's WHAT?!

Dialogue

Riggs: Hey, are those little hearts? Murtaugh: Not now Riggs! Just shoot the damn valve! Riggs: Okay! Also, flap your arms and make noises like a bird! Murtaugh: Hey, hey-flap my arms and make noises- Why!?

Dialogue

Riggs: Flied lice? Uncle Benny: Flied lice! It is fried rice, you plick!

Dialogue

Uncle Benny: Time! Time for Four Fathers! Riggs and Murtaugh: Forefathers! Riggs: Uh, Washington? Jefferson? Those guys? Murtaugh: Roosevelt? Uncle Benny: I'm sleeping with my wife's two sisters! Murtaugh: You lucky son of a bitch! Riggs: That's a good one Uncle Benny! Uncle Benny: Not so good! When my wife finds out!

Dialogue

Leo: Oooohhhh, my tooth! Dr. Chen's Receptionist: What's the matter with you, sir? Leo: What's the matter?! My ass hurts! My tooth! What is this, a dentist's office or a proctologist?!

Dialogue

Riggs: Yeah, I'm sick of these fuckers, Rog. I say we just find 'em and shoot 'em, what do you think? Murtaugh: Better meet me and Butters on South Spring Street, then. Riggs: Yeah? What's going on? Murtaugh: They found my watch.

Dialogue

Leo: Hey, uh, hey, Riggs, who's the, uh, perp? What'd you bust him for? Butters: Oh, I'm a perp? Oh, you see a young brother in the back of a police car, automatically I'm a perp?! Look at my suit! Look at my tie! What do I look like, a fuckin' Crip's accountant?! Look at this badge, bitch! Check out the gun! Leo: Okay, okay, hey, hey, put the gun down! Put the gun down!! Butters: License! Registration! Urine sample! Leo: Hey, I got a badge too, okay?! Y'know, German Jews didn't have it any easier when we were kids, so don't think you're the only one, okay?! Okay?! Besides, I knew you were a cop, I was just kiddin' with ya! Hey, I can smell a cop a mile away! Butters: Oh, I smell bad? What'chu trying to say?! Leo: Well, stop turning everything around! You're so damn touchy! These guys'll tell ya, we work together, we got a history together! Hey, maybe we'll work together someday! I'm the bomb, they'll tell ya, I'm great! Butters: Yeah, we're gonna work together as soon as I open up a c

Dialogue

Leo: Okay, you did say "aft"? Murtaugh: A-F-T. Aft. Leo: And that's a fuckin' word? Murtaugh: In the back of the cabin on the right side, Leo! Leo: Well, why didn't you say that to begin with, ROGER?! I love how these people get around boats and water, and all of a sudden everything becomes fuckin' nautical! Astern! Avast, ye landlubbers! Man the bilge pumps! Pump your fuckin' ass!!

Dialogue

Lorna: You look a little banged up. Riggs: You look a little knocked up.

Dialogue

Butters: Your baby is having my baby! Murtaugh: My baby is having his baby! Butters: And your baby? Whoa, baby! Murtaugh: Whoa baby my baby!

Dialogue

Murtaugh: What you got got in hands there? Butters: Uh-uh...a nut cup? I got some big nuts! Murtaugh: T-That's nitro...hmmm....oxide! Butters: It's a laughing gas! Murtaugh: W-W-We're stoned!

Dialogue

Butters: You have the right to remain silent, so shut the fuck up! Okay!? You have the right to an attorney! If you can't afford an attorney, we'll provide you with the dumbest fuckin' lawyer on Earth! If you get Johnnie Cochran, I'll kill ya! Waiter: Johnnie Cochran! He fight for me!