Quotes

Dialogue

Nick: Who are you guys supposed to be? Simon: John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Nick: Oh, I thought she was the girl from The Ring and you were Jesus. Simon: Jesus? No, why would Jesus be wearing a white suit? Nick: I don't know, you tell me. You're the one who decided to dress up like fancy Jesus.

Dialogue

Simon: Do you miss trick-or-treating? Leah: What, you mean instead of, like, going to loud parties, pretending to like the taste of beer and feeling too self-conscious to dance?

Dialogue

Simon: Who are you supposed to be? Bram: Oh, uh, I am post-presidency Barack Obama. So I'm just chillin' in Hawaii, drinking Mai Tais, writing memoirs and hoping Trump doesn't destroy my legacy.

Dialogue

Jack: He's drunk. Emily: Definitely. Jack: So how do we feel about that? Emily: Well, he didn't drive drunk, and he's home before curfew, so... Jack: Good. That's what I thought we thought. Emily: Yeah, that's what we think, right? Jack: Yeah. We're good parents.

Dialogue

Simon: I've been meaning to ask you about your parents. I just didn't want to say anything when we were actually in the restaurant. I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk about it. Abby: Yeah. No, I don't mention it a lot because it kind of messes with my image. Simon: What kind of image? Abby: The girl who's excited to start a new school senior year. The girl who's life didn't just end, like, three months ago, who's angry and sad all the time. Girl who still believes in love.

Dialogue

Nora: I already reported it. They're gonna take it down. Simon: It's too late. No, there's people who've already seen it, so, it doesn't really matter. It's true. I'm gay. Nora: So what are you gonna do? Simon: I don't know. Nora: You could deny it. Simon: Why the hell would I deny it, Nora? I'm not ashamed of it!

Dialogue

Leah: You are insanely stupid, Simon. I was never in love with Nick. I was in love with you! Simon: Look... we're us. Leah: Yeah, well, sorry. I've been trying to tell you. That night I slept over, I was trying to tell you. You wanna know the funniest part? It's that all these years, you being so picky with girls, I thought that maybe it was because you might like me, too. And then, you know, you told me I should go out with Nick and I realized you were just never gonna see me that way. I can deal with you being gay, Si. But you set me up to get my heart broken when you thought I was in love with Nick and that just makes you cruel.

Dialogue

Jock: Hey, Ms. Albright. Ms. Albright: Don't "hey Ms. Albright" me. We're not friends. You're not gonna braid my hair or paint my nails. Get your ass off the table now, you sweaty, hormonal virgins. You know what, you're about to be suspended for so long, that by the time it's over, you're gonna be the fat, bald, unhappily married, wildly mediocre nobodies you're destined to become. Other jock: You can't talk to us like that. Ms. Albright: Actually, I can, 'cause I just did. And you know why? Because you're just those two assholes that did that shitty thing in front of the whole school. And guess what? Nobody feels sorry for those assholes, especially me. Now, walk. Mr. Worth's office, now. Ethan: (waves) Bye. Ms. Albright: (grabs the boombox) That's mine now. I'mma sell it. Get my tubes tied.

Dialogue

Simon: Hey, I'm sorry, Ethan. None of this ever happened when just you were out. Ethan: You know what they say, one gay's a snooze, two's a hilarious hate crime. You could've told me you were gay. Simon: I guess I didn't think we had very much in common. Ethan: (scoffs) You're telling me, Simon. It's not like your all-hoodie wardrobe rocks my world. Simon: I don't know. Maybe I was jealous. You've been out since you were sixteen. It always seemed so easy for you. Ethan: Easy? Are you kidding me? My mom still tells my grandparents about all the girls I'm dating when we go over to their house for dinner, every sunday. She says it's 'cause they're old and religious, and it's just easier that way. I don't know, maybe that's true. But you should hear her voice when she talks about the girls.

Dialogue

Simon: Did you know? Emily: I knew you had a secret. I mean, when you were little, you were so carefree. But these last few years, more and more, it's almost like I could feel you holding your breath. I wanted to ask you about it, but I didn't want to pry. Maybe I made a mistake. Simon: No. No, mom, you didn't make a mistake. Emily: Being gay is your thing. There are parts of it you have to go through alone. I hate that. As soon as you came out, you said, "mom, I'm still me". I need you to hear this. You are still you, Simon. You are still the same son who I love to tease and who your father depends on for just about everything. And you're the same brother who always compliments her sister on her food, even when it sucks. But you get to exhale now, Simon. You get to be more you than you have been in a very long time. You deserve everything you want.

Dialogue

Jack: How long have you known? Simon: Like, I really started to get it when I was around thirteen. Jack: Four years. Four years of eating dinner together, four years of going to the movies together, four years of walking Bieber together. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have missed it. All those stupid jokes... Simon: Well, I know you didn't mean 'em. Jack: It doesn't matter, I shouldn't have missed it. But in case the message got lost somewhere I just want you to know that I love you. And I'm really proud of you. I wouldn't change anything about you.

Dialogue

Jack: Hey, I thought maybe we could sign up for grindr together. Simon: You don't know what grindr is, do you? Jack: It's facebook for gay people. Simon: Not what it is.