Quotes

Dialogue

Roadkill: Oye! That's right! You! [Rango gasps, drops his draft glass and walks slowly] Don't be shy. Come on. It's okay. That's it, a little closer. Good. Roadkill: I won't bite you. [grunts in pain] I need a little help here. Rango: Uh, are you okay? Roadkill: I must... get to the other side. Rango: The other side? You mean, just now, that was you crossing the road? That's why the... [mimics the car accident] Why'd you do that?! Roadkill: This is my quest. He waits for me. Rango: What? Who? Roadkill: The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one. They say he rides an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him. Rango: What are you talking about? Roadkill: Enlightenment. We are nothing without it. Rango: Nothing? Your delusional quest just ruined my life! I had an incredibly complex social network going, highly sophisticated friends! I was very popular! Roadkill: Friends? I don't see no friends. Rango: Uh... Roadkill: You are a very lonely lizard. Rango: [extended version] Look,

Dialogue

”4 score and 7 years ago, our fathers...”

Dialogue

Hey there, fruit-cup. You're a long ways from home, ain't ya? Who exactly are you?

Dialogue

Waffles: Hey, Bad Bill, there's something I want to tell--! Bad Bill: Oy. What is this? Spoons: You know who that is, Bill? That there's Rango. Waffles: Yeah, he ain't afraid of you. He ain't afraid of none of you. Lenny: Killed them Jenkins brothers. Melonee: Done it with one bullet, Bill. Hitch: All seven of them. Bad Bill: Is that right? Rango: Um... let me get that... yeah... Oh, I know. Here. [splashes some cactus juice on his face to put out much of the fire, sees one tiny remaining flame] Oh, here, let me get that for you. [wipes the tiny flame out with the towel] There, all better.

Dialogue

Mayor: It's almost noon. Is everything ready? Bad Bill: Yeah, but he might be a problem. Mayor: He's not a problem, William. He's a solution. [snickers]

Dialogue

Kid: Excuse me, Mr. Rango. Rango: [aims his gun at kid's face] I WILL BLOW THAT UGLY RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE! Kid: I was just thinking that... [shows his notepad] Rango: Oh. [chuckles nervously] You want the old John Hancock, do ya? Here, hold this. [hands his gun to the kid] Beans: Sheriff Rango, this isn't a social call. Kid: [looks into the barrel of Rango's gun] There's a bullet in there! Mother: Put that down! Rango: [as he signs the kid's notepad] Oh, I know. I know all about the old shindig this afternoon. I ordered myself some right fancy duds. Beans: Sheriff, I'd like to file... Mother: Mr. Rango! Rango: Oh, you too? No problem. [takes the mother's bible and signs it] Here, let me just... Beans: I need ya to investigate... Rango: Y'know, Beans, I betcha clean real nice if ya put a little effort into it. Beans: What? Rango: [to the kid] Now, remember, son, stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare. [takes his gun] Beans: Sheriff! Kid: Who's Shakespeare? Bean

Dialogue

Rango: Don't you all worry 'bout a thing. Come tomorrow, we'll locate that water and return to a hero's welcome. Spoons: Friends, before we bunk down, I'd like us all to join hands for a moment, say a few words to the Spirit of the West. [everyone hold each other's hands] Ain't always spoken rightly to ya, Spirit of the West, but tonight I wanna thank you for bringing Sheriff Rango into our lives. It's a hard life we got. Sometimes, I dunno how we're gonna make it. But somehow, Sheriff Rango makes me think we will. We needed a brave man, and you sent us one. It's nice to have someone to believe in again. Thank you, Spirit of the West. Amen. [everyone else says "Amen"]

Dialogue

Rango: [clears throat] This is a heck of a hoedown you got going. Still workin' out those steps. So is this considered normal civic behavior. Priscilla: Mm-hmm. Every Wednesday. Just like clockwork. Rango: Snake? Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He never comes to town because he's scared of that hawk. But he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?

Dialogue

Rango: [notices Wounded Bird shedding his feathers, then walks over to him] I see you're consulting with the spirits. Wounded Bird: No, I'm molting. Means I'm ready to mate. Rango: [nervously] Heh. I'll keep that in mind. Wounded Bird: [picks up a cactus fruit with his staff] Cactus fruit. Buford: What?

Dialogue

Jedidiah: Prospecting? [Ezekiel shrugs] Rango: [comes back with equipment] Now, got your shovel, pickaxe, Benadryl, loofah, assorted snacks, some puzzle books, and you're gonna need a permit.

Dialogue

Mayor: My friends, we all know what we have to do now. Rango: That's right, we all know what we have to do now… and that would be…? Mayor: [very quietly] Mayor: [still very quietly]

Dialogue

Buford: Someone or something is messing with our hydration, and that pipe has something to do with it! Elgin: I thought we was following bank robbers! Sergeant Turley: We're experiencing a paradigm shift! Elgin: I'm gonna shift the features on your face if you don't SHUT UP! Turley: Well, go ahead and try!! Rango: Quiet, you savages! Stop your rattling, your affecting my cogitation! [the fight stops, he gets an idea] Whoa! I got it. Snuff out them torches. [they all put out their torches] Elgin: Sure enough. Spoons: Smart thinkin' there, feller. Waffles: Start climbin'. [the gang begins to climb] Fergus: Hey, get your foot outta my face! Rango: Not bad, huh, Beans? Beans: You keep thinkin' like that, your hat's gonna catch on fire. Rango: Well, you know, you get on a roll, you just... [puts his hat on, then notices it's on fire and tries to put it out] AAH! Hot, hot! Burn! Ah, ooh, ow!

Dialogue

Rango: [gives a torch to Spoons] Now, I'm dependin' on you, Spoons. [Spoons spits on his beard] Ooh, you got a little tobacky in the beard there. [Spoons jumps into the hole, Rango gives a torch to Doc] Always good to have a medical man along, Doc. [Doc jumps into the hole, Rango gives a torch to Buford] Reptiles gotta stick together, right, my brother? Buford: I'm an amphibian. Rango: Ain't no shame in that. [Buford jumps into the hole, Rango is about to give a torch to Sergeant Turley, but then sees the arrow through his right eye] Oh! Ya sure you're fit for duty there, soldier? Sergeant Turley: What? Rango: Well, you got something in your eye there. Sergeant Turley: Oh, that! That there's conjunctivitis, sir. It's hereditary. Rango: Oh, well, (I meant your other one, but) I'm glad to hear it's not contagious. [gives the torch to Sergeant Turley, who jumps into the hole; Rango is about to give a torch to Beans, but then stops] Now, just wait a cotton-pickin' minute! A posse ain't no

Dialogue

Jedidiah: He got it! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Balthazar: Hallelujah! Jedidiah: Ya found the water! Balthazar: You did it, son! Ezekiel: Well, actually... Balthazar: [hits Jedidiah with his staff] WHY CAN'T YOU BE ALL BRAINY LIKE YOUR BROTHER?! Ezekiel: Pappy, about that water, there's something I gotta tell you. Balthazar: Hush! Hush up, now. Somebody's comin'. Gopher: What's that? What's that supposed to be?! Elgin: That's the signal. Waffles: Yeah, that's the signal! Something must've gone wrong! Balthazar: So, uh... somethin' supposed to happen? Rango: I am... open to suggestions. [Spoons fakes a heart attack and fires a gun, frightening the boar that was carrying the stolen water and causing it to run off] RUUUUUUUUUUN! Beans: GET ON THE WAGON! Balthazar: Should we have ourselves some sport, chillens? Jedidiah: Ooh, I-I likes it when they run. Balthazar: Maybelle, give the holler! Maybelle: Yee-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-haw-biddy-haw! Gophers: Yee-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-haw, biddy-haw-biddy-hoo!

Dialogue

Waffles: It's impossible. Beans: It can't be. It's empty. Gopher: There's no water! Balthazar: No water?! Then what the hell we been fightin' for? Rango: Sir, you have defiled and desecrated the very sustenance of our livelihood! Jedidiah: Hey, I think that there fella in the pretty dress is the sheriff. Balthazar: That's the same fella who gave us a prospecting permit? Beans: A what? Rango: [clears throat] Irrelevant! Obfuscation! You and your kin are under arrest for bank robbery, and the murder of our beloved financial adviser, Johannes Merrimack III, a.k.a. Fluffy Joe. Ezekiel: Sheriff, we didn't kill nobody. We done tunnelled into that vault, and there weren't nothing in it. Jedidiah: Someone done rob that bank before we robbed it. Beans: Then where'd you get this here jug? Ezekiel: [to Balthazar] That's what I've been trying to tell you, Pappy. I found it in the desert. Balthazar: THEN WHY IN TARNATION DID YOU BRING IT HERE?! [whacks Ezekiel with his staff] Rango: Hold on, hold o

Dialogue

Rango: Sumthin' you said keeps rattlin' around in my frontal lobe. Mayor: And what is that? Rango: "Control the water, and you control everything." Mayor: [chuckles] Come now, Mr. Rango. You tribute divine power to me. How on earth could I possibly control the water? Rango: You've obviously mastered this game. Mayor: Well, I've been playing it for many years, sir. I was here before the highway split this great valley. I watched the march of progress, and I learned a thing or two. Perhaps it's time you started to take the long view, begin to appreciate the broad sweep of history. Look out there, son. You can almost see time passing. Rango: What are you building out here? Mayor: The future, Mr. Rango. The future. One day soon, all this will fade into myth. The frontier town, the lawman, the gunslinger. There's no place for them anymore. We're civilized now. Bad Bill: That's right, civilized. Mayor: That's what the future holds. You can either be part of it, or you can be left behind. Ran

Dialogue

Mayor: I appreciate how difficult this is for you, Beans, but you're making a practical decision. Jake: Decisions, decisions. Mayor: There's no need for any more suffering. [drinks from his glass of water] Your family's ranch is nothing but a wasteland now. Sign the deed, and relieve yourself of your father's burden. Beans: [Looks ready to drink from her glass, but then becomes angry] My daddy was not a burden! [throws the water in the Mayor's face] Keep your blood money and I'll keep my land! Jake: Do what he says, or by all the fires of the black pit, I'll squeeze them pretty brown eyes outta your skull! Mayor: Now, hold on, Jake, there's no need to– Jake: [interrupts the Mayor by bringing his head down to the Mayor's desk] LET ME DO MY JOB! You brought me in, now we're gonna play this thing out to the end! [Turns back to Beans] Sign the damn paper, woman! Beans: Go to hell… Jake: Where do you think I come from? Look into my eyes. I wanna see you die. [Brings his fangs closer to Bean

Dialogue

Oh, Mr. Rango. Aren't you forgetting something? Hand me your gun, Sheriff! [He pauses as he looks at his gun] Now, Mr. Rango!

Dialogue

Rango: Beans! Hold on! Don't worry! I got a plan! [to the vault door] HEEELLLLLLP! [bangs on the door] OPEN THE DOOR! Okay, Plan B! [Beans mumbles] What?! Beans, you're mumblin'! Mayor: All my problems taken care of... except for one. [aims Rango's gun at Jake] Jake: [shocked] What? Mayor: It's a new West, Jake. There's no room for gunslingers anymore. We're businessmen now. Stump: We've got new hats! [points to his bowler hat] Rango: [holding his only bullet] Where I come from, we call this... [puts the bullet in his mouth] improvisation. [unties the gag from Beans] Beans: You came back! [kisses Rango on the lips but then accidentally swallows the bullet and chokes] What was that?! Rango: No need to panic, but I think you just swallowed Plan B. Beans: What?! [freezes in trance and sinks into the water] Rango: Okay, panic time. Mayor: You and the sheriff are more alike than you think. You're nothing but legends. Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed. [inside the vault, Rang

Dialogue

Senor Flan: And so the lizard completes his journey. From humble beginnings to the legend we sing of today. And although he is certain to die, perhaps from, uh… a household accident, which accounts for 65% of all unnatural deaths. The people of the village will always remember the name of the one who saved them. The 3 Owls: [last line of the film; to the audience] Rango!

Extended version

[at the funeral in the desert for Mr. Merrimack, the bank keeper] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honor this man. Mr. Merrimack, you have the right to remain silent. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Amen.

Alternate ending

And so the lizard completes his journey. From humble beginnings to the legend we sing of today. And although he is certain to die, perhaps from, uh… a household accident, which accounts for 65% of all unnatural deaths. The people of the village will honor his memory, even as they abandon their dignity.