Quotes

Other

My dad's a gynecologist and he looks at vaginas all day long.

Dialogue

Police officer 1: Drop the gun! Police officer 2: Yeah, that's right! Drop the gun! Kimble: Hey! I'm a police officer. This is an arrest. Crisp: This man's crazy. Look at him. He'll kill me. You're just going to stand there? Police officer 1: Freeze! Hairstylist: Jeez! Kimble: [annoyed] I'm a cop, you idiot! I'm Detective John Kimble. This man is under arrest.

Dialogue

Kimble: How do I look? Phoebe: Take off the gun. Kimble: That's a good idea. Phoebe: Little bastards are gonna eat you alive. Kimble: Get some rest and don't worry. I've been working undercover for a long time. They're six-year-olds. How much trouble can they be? Phoebe: On second thought, take the gun.

Dialogue

Kimble: Emma, take your toy back to the carpet. Emma: I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess! Kimble: [not in the mood] Take your toy back to the carpet! Emma: I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess! Kimble: [loses his patience] TAKE IT BACK! Emma: [timidly] All right.

Dialogue

Phoebe: Listen, Kimble. You've gotta handle this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you're dead. And those kids know you're scared. Kimble: [nods] No fear. Phoebe: No fear.

Dialogue

Miss Schlowski: Your teacher, Mrs. Hagley, had to go on an important trip for a few days. Lisa: Where'd she go? Miss Schlowski: That doesn't matter. Lowell: Did she die? Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell, she went to see someone. Lowell: Did they die? Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell. Lowell: Everyone dies, you know.

Dialogue

Kimble: This is your new class mascot. Boy: What happened to your dog? Kimble: This is not a dog. This is a ferret. Girl: What's a ferret? Kimble: [showing them his ferret in a way] That's a ferret. Kids: Oh. Lowell: If he bites you, you get rabies and you die. Kimble: No, that's not true. He never bites. Girl: Can I pet him? Kimble: Sure, but one at a time, okay?

Dialogue

Phoebe: John? Are you there? [Tiredly walks into John's room] How did it go? Kimble: Go away. Phoebe: It went that well, huh? Kimble: You take over tomorrow. Phoebe: And blow our cover? Can't do it. Kimble: They're horrible. Phoebe: Tell me about it.

Dialogue

Joseph: Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina. Kimble: [sarcastically] Thanks for the tip.

Dialogue

Kimble: I have a headache. Lowell: It might be a tumor. Kimble: It's not a tumor! It's not a tumor at all.

Dialogue

Kimble: What I meant was...you tell me...who is your daddy, and what does he do? Get it? We start right here. [points to a girl] You. Girl 1: My dad repairs cars driven by women who are pinheads. Boy 1: My dad doesn't do anything since the crash. Girl 2: My dad gives money to people that doesn't have money...then people use that money... then they give other money back and they give the same amount of money back to my dad. Lowell: My dad doesn't live with us anymore. He lives in New York and drives a taxi. My mom hopes he's going to die real soon. Kimble: Mm-hmm. Emma: Yeah. He doesn't have that much hair because...and he...his head is so big that he can't wear any hats. Joshua: My dad's divorced. My mom's divorced. Boy 4: My dad, um, is a psychologist...and he helps people that are hurt or lost their feelings... and, um, that's it. Tina and Rina: Our mom says that our dad is a real sex machine. Kimble: Good. Dominic: I don't know what my dad does. I haven't seen him in a long time. He

Dialogue

Miss Schlowski: I want you to answer one more question, and don't lie. What did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch? Kimble: It felt great.

Dialogue

Kimble: Freeze! Kimble: Don't you know the building is on fire? Kissing Boy: We-we thought it was just another drill. Kimble: Well, get out! Kissing Boy: Yes, sir.

Dialogue

Thug: So, who are you, man? [Kimble cocks his shotgun] [alarmed] SHIT! [jumps away just in time for Kimble shoot and destroy the sofa] Kimble: [smugly] I'm the party pooper.