Wedding Crashers

Wife: You shut your mouth when you're talking to me! Husband: Yeah, that's right, go comatose for me, baby! Grandma: He was a doll! The wife, though, Eleanor, big dyke. Huge dyke. A real rug muncher. Looked like a big lesbian mule. Chazz's mom: Chazz, there's someone here to see you! And pick up your fucking skateboard! Husband: Hey, I got an idea, why don't you just kiss my left nut!

Wedding Crashers, CC BY-SA 4.0

John: No, don't waste your time on girls with hats. They tend to be very proper. Jeremy: Yeah, well, the proper girl in the hat just eye-fucked the shit out of me. John: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Why don't you say it a little louder? I don't think the priest heard you. Jeremy: Look, John, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry, okay? I'm not gonna apologize. I'm a cocksman! John: Tourette's.

Wedding Crashers, CC BY-SA 4.0

Jeremy: I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, John. I'm fried. John: Soft mattress? Jeremy: Yeah, that could've been it. Could've been the soft mattress, or it could've been the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room. One of those probably added to the lack of sleep. John: Try one of these scones, you're gonna love them. Jeremy: I'm a little too traumatized to have a scone. Let's move.

Wedding Crashers, CC BY-SA 4.0

Jeremy: I don't give a baker's fuck! I just had my own sock duct taped into my mouth last night! John: Whoa, what? Jeremy: Yeah, the, the sock that I wore all day, playing football in, pouring sweat in, was shoved into my mouth and then was duct taped over it! John: Well, then let's talk about it. I'm a good listener. Jeremy: I'm not going to discuss this. I felt like Jodie Foster in The Accused last night.

Wedding Crashers, CC BY-SA 4.0

Really? [turns to Jeremy] Sounds sort of wonderful.

Wedding Crashers, CC BY-SA 4.0

Dear God.

Wedding Crashers, CC BY-SA 4.0