Quotes

Dialogue

Matt Brody: Hey, I'm Matt Brody! Summer Quinn: And not a single fuck was given...

Dialogue

Matt Brody: Hey. I'm more motivated than ever. So you're going to make me guess your name? Are you following me? Summer Quinn: I was actually just going to ask you the same thing. Okay. Look, you're hot. I may resist for a while, but we both know eventually I'll give in. So why don't we just skip that. Why don't you put a baby in me? Now. Matt Brody: You know, honestly... I was thinking dinner first. But we could try the baby thing, if you want. Summer Quinn: You are trying. Way too hard.

Dialogue

Mitch Buchannon: Hey, fresh face. You here for the qualifiers? Matt Brody: Uh, no, no, I'm not trying out. I'm actually already on the team. Mitch Buchannon: You're already on this team? Matt Brody: I'm Matt Brody. Ready for duty. Mitch Buchannon: "Ready for duty"? Oh, okay. Um, you got any papers or anything like that? Matt Brody: I do. There you go. Mitch Buchannon: Oh, it's a permission slip. Literally. "Dear Mitch, I am pleased to write you on behalf of Mr. Matt Brody." Right. Well, no free passes. Matt Brody: Yeah. Whoa. Mitch Buchannon: At all. Yeah, 'cause I don't give a shit. Matt Brody: I legit needed those for my taxes. Mitch Buchannon: What you need is to understand that if you're going to be on this team, you got to earn it. Matt Brody: Really? Mitch Buchannon: Yeah. So, why don't we start this whole thing over, just like gentlemen? Where you from, One Direction? Matt Brody: Um... Iowa? Iowa? You heard of it? Mitch Buchannon: Yeah, I know what it is. Hey, Steph. Stephanie H

Dialogue

Summer Quinn: [about CJ Parker] Why does she always look like she's running in slow-mo? Ronnie Greenbaum: You see it too? Summer Quinn: And she always looks wet, but not too wet. Ronnie Greenbaum: Right? She's the reason I believe in God.

Dialogue

Summer Quinn: Did you just, uh look at my boobs? Matt Brody: Ah, that was not my intention...I didn't, uh, stare directly at them. [looks down at her] Summer Quinn: [laughs] You're looking at them right now. Matt Brody: No I didn't. [looks down again] Now I did. 'Cause you're talking about them. Summer Quinn: [bouncing her breasts] Testing... Oh, failed. Oh my god. We're gonna be in swimsuits a lot, so... Matt Brody: Yeah. Summer Quinn: If it's going to be a problem for you... Matt Brody: There's not a problem at all, for me. Summer Quinn: Yeah. Matt Brody: Cool. Summer Quinn: Alright. You just looked at them again. [walks off] Matt Brody: No, I didn't...I was...I didn't...I mean, when you point them out like that... It's a compliment, if you think about it, sort of.

Dialogue

Mitch Buchannon: My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there, and my balls say we need to go over there and check it out. Matt Brody: Your balls said that? Mitch Buchannon: Yes, they did. Matt Brody: Okay, my balls say [in a high-pitched voice] "Just take it easy right here. Just chill." Mitch Buchannon: Why the fuck do your balls sound like three-year-old girls? Matt Brody: I don't know, man. That's just how they talk. But they're wise.

Dialogue

Mitch Buchannon: How about diamond smugglers who are putting the rocks in surfboards and bringing them ashore? Matt Brody: Everything that you guys are talking about sounds like a really, like, entertaining but far-fetched TV show.

Dialogue

Matt Brody: What do you mean 'You People'? Mitch Buchannon: You don't get to say that. You're just tan.

Dialogue

Matt Brody: So, Dave had access to Leeds' server. Ronnie Greenbaum: Her server? You mean her network. Matt Brody: Yeah, her network, that's what I meant. Okay, so we just take a flash drive, and we plug it in, you know, get in to her cloud, and then steal all her cookies, right, and then we're straight through the firewall. Ronnie Greenbaum: Okay, literally none of what you said made any sense. Matt Brody: Straight over the firewall. Ronnie Greenbaum: It's not, like, a physical thing you do.

Dialogue

Ronnie Greenbaum: She's like some sort of modern-day J. Edgar Hoover. Matt Brody: The vacuum guy. Ronnie Greenbaum: No.

Dialogue

Victoria Leeds: Such accusations! I'm not a Bond villain. Well... [considers] yet! You're in politics. You know that no one can claw their way to the top without getting a little dirt under their fingernails. Clearly I overestimated you. But calling me a drug dealer! I'm... so much bigger than that, you know. Councilman Rodriguez: I... Victoria Leeds: Leon, teach him some manners. [puts on sunglasses] Have fun, boys. Councilman Rodriguez: I agree with... [stammers] I overstepped! [professional killer Leon takes off his coat, he has a gun] I overstepped, Victoria! [to the two thugs] Guys, we can talk about this. Frankie: Leon doesn't talk. He's a man of action. There's a purity to that. Leon: [snarling at Rodriguez] I'm gonna kill you! Frankie: Damn it! You do that every time. I build you up, and then you ruin the mystique.

Dialogue

Matt Brody: Will it work? Maybe. Will there be some surprises along the way? Abso-fucking-lutely. Is anyone gonna die? I don't know. Maybe Ronnie. Ronnie Greenbaum: Sorry, what?

Dialogue

Ronnie Greenbaum: I've never seen any interface like this! I don't know what to fucking do! CJ Parker: Hey, look at me! You are the tech guy. You are the motherfucking tech guy. Ronnie Greenbaum: I'm the motherfucking tech guy.

Dialogue

Victoria Leeds: Time to die, boys. Mitch Buchannon: No! I w– born of the sea. I eat fire coral and I piss salt water. I scratch my back with a whale's dick, and I loofah my chest with his ballsack. Victoria Leeds: What the fuck? Mitch Buchannon: I'll die when the tide stops and the moon drowns. Until then... I'm oceanic, motherfucker. Victoria Leeds: How tacky.

Dialogue

Mitch Buchannon: Uh, guys, after finding the drugs, helping save Chen and helping me blow up the bad girl with a Roman candle, it's a pleasure to say you are officially no longer trainees. CJ Parker: Whoo! Mitch Buchannon: Congratulations! CJ Parker: Yeah, guys. Mitch Buchannon: Hey, guys, one more important thing. I want to introduce you to our new captain who has been running our Hawaii division very successfully for years now: the amazing Captain Casey Jean. Ronnie Greenbaum: Is it just me, or is she in... Stephanie Holden: Super slow motion? Summer Quinn: Yeah. CJ Parker: [dryly] Wow. This is gonna take a while. Mitch Buchannon: [winks] That's how we roll.