Quotes

Dialogue

TV Show Host: The year was 1985, and the #1 hit show on TV was… Young Balthazar Bratt: Evil Bratt! TV Show Host: The show starred young Balthazar Bratt as a child, prodigy and criminal mastermind bent on world domination! Military Officer: There he is! Get him! Young Bratt: Goo-goo! I've been a ba-a-ad boy! TV Show Host: Bratt was the biggest child actor of the 1980s, striking a chord with audiences all over the world. Military Officer: There he is! Get him! TV Show Host: [as Bratt kicks the military officials] But it all came to an end in Season 3, when… Teenage Balthazar Bratt: (imitating Peter Brady from The Brady Bunch episode “Dough Re Mi”) I've been a bad boy! TV Show Host: The young star experienced an unexpected growth spurt. Teenage Bratt: Boy? Boy?! Agggghhh! TV Show Host: The show was canceled. Hollywood rejected him, and Bratt quickly plunged into a downward spiral, starting to actually believe he was the character he played on TV. Teen Bratt: What are you looking at?! TV S

Dialogue

A.V.L. Tech: Sir, the ship has been boarded by some kinda of... monster! Silas Ramsbottom: Wait, that’s not a monster. [zooms in on the boat, revealing Bratt] That's a man wearing shoulder pads! There's only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite that dated, Balthazar Bratt. Blast it, the Dumont Diamond is on that ship! I want every agent in the area on the scene immediately! Lucy: We're already here! Agents Grucy are closing fast! Gru: Yeah! Wait. What? What did you call us? Lucy: Grucy! You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together. Try it. Gru: Oh, I like it, but not a lot. I don't like it.

Dialogue

Bratt: Hello, Gru! How's your transition coming? You know, from world's worst villain to world's worst (heroic) agent? Gru: Oh, that's hilarious, you should be on TV. Gru: Oh, that's right. You were! [pulls out his freeze ray] But then you got cancelled! Gru: [smacks the gun away] What about that? [pulls out... a small water pistol] What? Ugh! Girls! [throws the water pistol at Bratt's face]

Dialogue

Bratt: Gru! Did you actually think I was unconscious? Gru: Huh? Bratt: It's called acting, hoser. And clearly, I've still got it! Gru: Agh! Whoa! AGHHH! Ooh-aaah! Whoa! Aaaaah! Woahhhh! Whoa! Ah-ho-ho-ho! Whoa! Aaaah! Oh! Ah! Ow! Gru: [cries out] Brat: I've been a ba-a-ad boy! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Alpha Team Leader: Freeze! Don't move! Bratt: Son of a Beta-max!

Dialogue

Silas: Thank you for coming in such short notice. It is with great sadness that I must inform that as of today, I am retiring as head of the AVL. Lucy: Oh, no! Silas: Your new leader is coming directly from head office, effective immediately. She is the very gifted. [under his breath] The very ambitious, Miss Valerie da Vinci. As I look out over all your faces, I am fluttered with so many memories. Valerie da Vinci: Oh, boy, this is a snooze fest! Blah, blah, blah, we understand, you're old, look, you're fat, you're done. Silas: Ooh! [grunts] Let me breathe in! [gets shoved into the ejection hole] Valerie: Whew, broke a little sweat there. [chuckles] First order of business. [clears her throat] WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS IS AGENT GRU?! Gru: Oh, that would be me. Although, I don't know if I'd say "loser," per se. Kind of is... [gasps and hears his phone ringing, he pulls it out, looking at Agenes, Margo and Edith] Oh, it's the girls. Not a good time. Valerie: Hey! Gru: [screams] Yes, sir!

Dialogue

Gru: Guys! Shh, shh, shh, shh! I don't think you heard me right! No, no, no, no, no, no! This does not mean that we're going back to being villains! Minions: [disappointed] Awww... Stuart: Ah? Pinyoof la komiko! Gru: Okay, alright, I get it. Look, I know it's been a little tough lately, especially with Dr. Nefario accidentally freezing himself in carbonite. Gru: But our life of crime is over! Ugh. Mel! Mel, you're with me on this, right? Mel: Ugh! Looka! Mel: MINIONS, NO LE PINYOOF! [the Minions all rouse up] Pinyoof, pinyoof, pinyoof! Gru: Guys, listen to me! Read my lips! Leso me lipo! Pomo doro la comquit! Gru: What? What did I say? [pulls out a Minions language book] It's not "comquit"? Ah, okay. Pomo doro la kumquat! Mel: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Pulisso kumquit parado. Lury para yo. Gru: Don't take that tone with me! We're not going back to villainy! Mel: Uh? No pirany? Gru: Yes! And I don't want to hear another word about it! [the Minions all blow raspberries at Gru] Look! If you guys

Dialogue

Officer: [while watching the minions run by] What are you doing? Intruders! Intruders! Officer 1: There they are! Officer 2: Stop! Officer 1: Hey, you! Don’t move! Halt! Minions: [run as the police are right behind them, then they go into a door, the door closes, the police catch up to them] Officer 1: [while Officer 2 is panting] Call for backup!

Dialogue

Museum Director: Monsieur Pompeux! [kisses Pompeux's cheeks] So, what do we owe the presence of the world's foremost gem expert? Pompeux: The chief of police sent me. He was censored that during the recent heist attempt, the Dumont Diamond was replaced with a phony. [The museum director and his friends gasp. Pompeux enters a room where the Dumont Diamond sits on a pedestal surrounded by lasers. Pompeux snaps his fingers causing the lasers to turn off, examines the diamond with a jeweler's loop, sniffs it with his nose, then licks it with his tongue] Ooh-la-la! You have been duped! Museum Director: What? We have? Pompeux: Yes. [in Bratt's voice] BY ME! Museum Director: What? What is…? [A rubber mask of Pompeux's head gets tossed into the museum director's face. He removes it, then gasps] Oh, no! Help! [As he runs, a sixth dart strikes his butt, and he collapses on the floor. The costume of Pomepeux's body starts to shake as Bratt gets out of it.] Bratt: I've been a bad boy! Or should I

Dialogue

Gru: [runs over to Agnes after she sells the fluffy unicorn] Agnes, what are you doing? You sold your unicorn? Agnes: Well, I just wanted to help since you don't have a job. I got 2 whole dollars for it! Dave and Jerry: Aww... Gru: Wait, what, it's true?! You never told me I had a brother, and you told me that Dad died of disappointment when I was born! Marlena: Yeah. That was the agreement. Gru: "Agreement"? What are you talking about?! Marlena: [sighs] Shortly after you and your brother were born, your father and I divorced. We each took one son to raise on our own and promised never to see each other again. Obviously, I got second pick. Gru: I have a brother.

Dialogue

Fritz: Please, come in. Gru: [screaming] Lucy: Oh, this is so amazing. It's like the Sistine Chappell! But with pigs. Dru: [laughing] My brother! Both: My brother! Dru: Gru! Gru: Dru! Dru: [he is laughing and he takes off his hat and shown his blonde hair that Gru is uncomfortable] Eh… [notices Lucy and dances with her] You must be the beautiful wife! Lucy: Beautiful? Oh! [Dru twirls her around and catches her; laughs] Stop it! [tugs Dru's scarf] Sweet talker. Dru: [wraps his arm around Gru, with the other still holding Lucy] How is my brother finding a wife like you when he is so bald? [rubs Gru's head] I'm joking!

Dialogue

Dru: So, brother, how are things going for you career-wise? Gru: [laughs nervously] Great. So, so great. Crushing it.

Dialogue

Scar-Faced Man: I'm telling you I saw one once. With my own eye! [On 'eye', he bends down toward Agnes' face] Agnes: [waving her arms to halt the man] Wait, wait, wait. You saw a for-real live UNICORN?! What did it look like? What do you think? [gasps] Did you pet it? Did it smell like candy? [shocks and rages] Was it FLUFYYYYYY?! Scar-Faced Man: It was so fluffy; I thought I was gonna die! Agnes: Do you think maybe I could find one, too? Scar-Faced Man: Oh. They say if a maiden pure of heart goes into the Crooked Forest, the unicorn will come and be hers, forever. Lucy: AGNES! [kicks the man, grabbing the man, kicking the man, grabbing the table, kicking the man] Goal! Excuse me. [takes a dart off, putting another on the nose] Girls, don't worry, I'm here. Are you okay? Edith: Yeah, we're fine. Are you? Agnes: Unicorns are really real! And I'm gonna find one! Lucy: Aw. Sorry. Went a little Mama Bear on you. You know, I heard a scream and... Yeah, okay. Have a good one.

Dialogue

Lucy: So... what did you guys do today? Gru and Dru: [lying] Nothing!

Dialogue

Margo: Um... Lucy: What? Margo: It's OK to tell them "No" sometimes, too, you know? Moms need to be tough. Lucy: Right. Tough. I can totally do that! Still figuring out this mom thing. [imitates a pirate captain] Getting my sea legs, matey.

Dialogue

Lucy: Hello? [sees Niko] Oh, hi. Niko: Hello, mother of Margo. I am Niko. I present you with pig to confirm my engagement to your daughter. Lucy: [laughs] Hey, what now? Margo: What's going on? Go on. Lucy: Uh, remember Little Boots? Niko: Hello, my schmoopsie-poo. [tries to kiss Margo] Margo: Whoa! Hey! Lucy: He seems to think you're engaged. [laughs] Margo: What? [as Niko kisses her hand] We're not engaged.

Dialogue

Lucy: Ugh, here we go. Niko... [gasps as she finds Niko standing behind his mother, a woman, holding Niko's brother, a baby] Niko's mother: You! You refuse my son's engagement pig?! Lucy: What? Niko's mother: May you and your daughter die a slow death and be buried with onions! [spits at Margo, and the baby does the same, much to her shock as she hides behind Lucy] Lucy: Alright, lady, that's it! Nobody, nobody curses my daughter! You got that? [Margo is surprised by how Lucy is defending her] Because if you mess with Margo, you mess with me! And I promise you do not want to mess with me! Do you understand me?! Niko's mother: Yes, yes. Lucy: [calmly] Good. [angrily] Now, get out! [Niko's mother takes her son's hand, and they hurry off. Lucy then turns to Margo, thinking she's still upset with her] Look, Margo, I think we just need to-- [Margo hugs her tightly. Lucy is startled at first, but hugs her, too]

Dialogue

Bratt: [takes the Lucy's head disguise off him] We're going to Hollywood! [laughs while the girls gasp] Now, that’s what I call acting. [chuckles] Let's go, Clive! We've got a giant robot waiting! [Clive laughs] Gru: Huh? [opens the closet door and gasps] Lucy? [finds the real Lucy bound and gagged in the closet then removes the gag from her mouth] But... Lucy: [gasps for air] Bratt! He took the girls! Gru: What?! No! Gru: Dru! Dru! Dru: [turns away from him] Go away! I don't wanna talk to you. Gru: (No, listen.) Bratt has the girls! Gru: Listen, brother, about what I just said... Dru: No, I'm the one. Gru: I shouldn't have... [sighs] I'm sorry. Dru: Oh, I'm so sorry, Gru. Lucy: Aw... Ooh, look out! Gru: [sees a flying machine] What is that? Bratt: [laughing] Hello, Hollywood! [on speaker] I'm back and bigger than ever. Agnes: [whimpering] Whoa! I'm scared! Celebrity: Thank you. Thank you so… Oh! [spots the robot as the people flee] No! No! No, you can’t leave me here! I’m famous! Brat

Dialogue

Gru: <big>DRU!!!</big> [runs over to the wreckage] Hold on! I'm coming! [looks at an enraged Bratt who is holding his keytar] Bratt: [panting] You've ruined everything! And now, it's time to die! Any last words, Gru? Gru: You know what? I've got two words for you. "Dance fight"! [starts dancing as "Into the Groove" by Madonna plays] Bratt: Oh, it is on like Donkey Kong! I'm gonna enjoy this!

Dialogue

Bratt: Game over! [laughs evilly as he tries to reach for his keytar, but realizes that it's gone] Gru: [to Bratt, who has got Bratt's keytar] Is this what you're looking for? Bratt: [last words] <big>NO!!!</big> [Gru blasts energy at him by music playing with Money for Nothing by Dire Straits.] No! Ow! No! Whoa! Aaaah! [The blast blows off Bratt's clothes] Waaaah! [and he tumbles backwards.] Ah! Oh! Whoa! No! [Dangling upside down from a bubble of gum, he floats away] NO...! [Gru drops the keytar, then walks off.] Curse you, Gru! [Due to him being upside down, he bumps his head into an Onions billboard as Anti-Villain League helicopters fly over to him] D'oh! Curse you!

Dialogue

I'm a mom. I'm a mom!