As Good as It Gets

Simon Bishop: Have you seen Verdell? Melvin Udall: What does he look like? Simon Bishop: My dog. You know, my dog with the adorable face? Don't you know what my dog looks like? Melvin Udall: Oh, I got it. You were talking about your dog. I thought it was the name of that colored man I've been seeing in the halls. Simon Bishop: Which color was that? Melvin Udall: Uh . . . like thick molasses, with a broad nose. Perfect for smelling trouble and prison food.

As Good as It Gets, CC BY-SA 4.0

Melvin Udall: Oh, now I'm pissed! Now, I am REALLY PISSED! Melvin Udall: OH! Don't touch! Don't touch! Frank Sachs: Shh! Shh! Melvin Udall: Don't touch! Frank Sachs: Shut up! You think you can intimidate the whole world with your attitude, but you don't intimidate me. I grew up in hell, home boy! My grandmother had more attitude! Melvin Udall: [calling] POLICE! DONUT-MUNCHING MORONS! HELP ME! HELP ME...! Frank Sachs: Shh! Melvin Udall: HELP ME! Frank Sachs: [to Melvin Udall] Stop it! Shh! Melvin Udall: [to Frank Sachs] Assault and battery! And you're black! Frank Sachs: I like Simon! I like him enough to batter you unrecognizable if you verbally abuse him, or so much as touch that dog again! Meantime, I'm gonna think of some way that you can make it up to him. [suddenly loud] I HATE DOING THIS! I'M [lowers his voice] an art dealer...! Have a nice day. [running off] Okay! Party! Party!

As Good as It Gets, CC BY-SA 4.0

Woman at table: I said, "You love me the way you do your remote control as long as I switch every time you press one of my buttons." Man at table: That's great! That's terrific-- Melvin Udall: People that talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch. [after the couple look at Melvin] Eat up!

As Good as It Gets, CC BY-SA 4.0

Melvin Udall: [Walks up to the couple he harassed earlier] How much more you got to eat? [Couple look at Melvin quizzically] Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh? Woman at table: [Puzzled] What?

As Good as It Gets, CC BY-SA 4.0

Carol Connelly: What are you doing with a dog? Melvin Udall: Suckered in. Set up. Pushed around. Carol Connelly: You're not worried someone might take it? Melvin Udall: Well, not until now, for Christ's sake!

As Good as It Gets, CC BY-SA 4.0

Melvin Udall: [to Carol Connelly] How old are you? Carol Connelly: Hah! Melvin Udall: If I was gonna guess by your eyes, I'd say you were 50. Carol Connelly: If I went by your eyes, I'd say you were kind. So, so much for eyes. But as long as you bring up age, how old are you? Melvin Udall: Oh, no, no, no, I mean not - Carol Connelly: I mean, 'cause you brought it up. Melvin Udall: In other words - Carol Connelly: No, I'm curious if you brought it up. Melvin Udall: In other words, you're not - not that you're ugly, that's not what I'm saying. Carol Connelly: Easy, easy, pal. I can take the compliment, but my knees start knocking when you turn on the charm full blast.

As Good as It Gets, CC BY-SA 4.0