Quotes

Dialogue

Mother: [screams] Shit, oh shit! Jane: I never do anything like this. Kevin: I know. Jane: You do? Kevin: Yes, I know. You kept repeating that over and over last night. "I never do this... I never do this... I never do this..."

Dialogue

Jane: There's gotta be one thing about weddings that you like. Kevin: Open bar. Jane: No. Kevin: [thinks for a moment] All right. So when the bride comes in and she makes her giant, grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. 'Cause even though I think he's an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery... I don't know, he always looks really, really happy. And, for some reason, I... [notices Jane giving him a weird look] What the hell are you looking at me like that for? Jane: Are you shitting me right now? Kevin: What? Jane: That's my favorite part. Oh, my God. We have something in common. Kevin: Yes. Well, statistically that was bound to happen.

Dialogue

Kevin: What is that? Jane: [holding the dress in front of herself] Theme wedding! Kevin: What was the theme? Humiliation?

Dialogue

Kevin: Jane, give me fifty bucks. Jane: No! Kevin: Jane, come on. It's fifty bucks. I'll pay you back. Jane: No. Kevin: [takes her hand lovingly] Jane, I need you... to give me fifty bucks. Jane: [hesitant] ...No? Kevin: [laughs] See? That was good! [picks up Jane's drink] Jane, can I have your drink? Jane: Sure.

Dialogue

Tess: You won't share that information with him about me. You wouldn't hurt a fly. And you would never hurt me. I'm your sister. Jane: That was yesterday. Today you're just the bitch who broke my heart and cut up my mother's wedding dress.

Dialogue

Jane's Aunt: It must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you. Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!

Dialogue

Jane: [after passing out] Are you a doctor? Kevin: No, but Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Drunk were bugging me.

Dialogue

Jane: God, Casey, can't you keep it in your pants for one wedding? Casey: Are you kidding? The only reason to wear this monstrous dress is so that some drunken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.

Dialogue

Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage. Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle. Jane: Oh, that's so noble of you! Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open. Kevin: Ah! So you admit that believing in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!

Dialogue

Jane: You got them champagne glasses and a bottle of cristal. George: Any way she's gonna believe it actually came from me? Jane: Maybe. I wrapped it like a car ran over it. George: Nice touch.

Dialogue

Jane: You write the most beautiful things. Do you actually believe in love and marriage and just pretend to be a cynic, or are you actually a cynic who knows how to spin romantic crap for girls like me? Kevin: I didn't follow that at all, but I think the second one, the spinning crap one.

Dialogue

Kevin: Don't you have any needs? Jane: No. I'm Jesus.