The Mask

Mrs. Peenman: Ipkiss, do you have any idea what time it is? Stanley Ipkiss: [exasperatedly] Actually, no. Mrs. Peenman: [gasps; Stanley steps off carpet] My new carpet! Well, this is coming right out of your security, Ipkiss! Stanley Ipkiss: You know what, Mrs. Peenman? Mrs. Peenman: WHAT?! Stanley Ipkiss: [pauses] Nothing. Mrs. Peenman: Well, that's what you are, Ipkiss, A BIG NOTHING! [slams the door behind her] Stanley Ipkiss: "Aren't you due back at the lab to get your bolts tightened?!" [to himself] I should've said that.

The Mask (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Alley Punk: Hey, mister! You got the time? The Mask: As a matter of fact I do, Cubby. [pulls a watch out of his pocket] Look at that! It's exactly two seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head! [does so]

The Mask (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Bobby: Uh, are you on the list? The Mask: Nooooo. But I believe my friends are. Perhaps you know them. [He takes fistfuls of high denomination cash out of his pocket] Franklin, Grant, and...Jackson?

The Mask (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

Look, Ma! I'm roadkill! Ha Ha Ha!

The Mask (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

[turns into a matador] Toro! [turns into a Cossack] Oy!Oy!Oy!Oy! [turns into Elvis] Thank you very much. Huh! Huh! [turns into a cowboy; his gun is shot out of his hand. A squish is heard] Ugh, ya got me partner. [walks towards Dorian and Orlando, while making weird noises, before collapsing in Orlando's arms] Hold me closer, Ed, it's getting dark... [coughs] Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out... [coughs]...tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas... [coughs]...tell Scarlett I do give a damn! (coughs on thug, a fart is heard) Pardon me... [he "dies", an audience appears and gives the Mask a standing ovation while The Mask is handed an Oscar] Thank you! You love me! You really love me!

The Mask (film), CC BY-SA 4.0

The Mask: [To Tina; in French accent] Cigarette? No? [He puffs out smoke in the shape of a heart, then snorts an arrow through it] Now, like Napoleon, I will, divide and conquer. Kellaway: Ipkiss! Police! The Mask: Merde. Kellaway: Freeze! [The Mask covers himself in ice] Put your hands up! The Mask: [with teeth clenched] But you told me to freeze! Kellaway: All right, all right, un-freeze. [The Mask defrosts and falls to the ground] You're under arrest. The Mask: [Desperate voice] No! It wasn't me! It was the one-armed man! [gets up; in normal voice] All right, I confess! I did it, ya hear? And I'm glad, glad I tell ya! [begs on the ground] What are they gonna do to me, Sarge? What are they gonna do?! Kellaway: [slaps handcuffs on The Mask] Sorry, son, that's not my department. Search him! [The Mask is pulled up and his [endless] pockets are searched] The Mask: Ow! Where's a camcorder when ya need one? [snorty laugh]

The Mask (film), CC BY-SA 4.0