Quotes

Others

Balthazar: Word is… you're on your way down. Fresh meat. [puts fingers in his mouth, hisses, and leans forward] Finger lickin' good. Balthazar: [after being sprayed with Dragon's Breath] Fire? I was born of this! Balthazar: [as he chokes John to death] Don't fight it, Johnny boy, enjoy it. Beeman: [his last lines] I know you never had much faith, John; you never had much reason to. But that doesn't mean we never had any faith… in you. Chaz Kramer: This is Kramer. Chas Kramer. Asshole. Chaz Kramer: [to Midnite's knocked-out bouncer] Who's the rat in a dress now, bitch? Chaz Kramer: [last words] You're right, John. It's not like in the books. Father Hennessy: Hey, John, I think I found you one. Midnite: [after learning of Constantine's cancer] I thought I heard thunder last night. Must have been Satan's stomach growling. Midnite: [shouts] You know the rules of my house! [normal voice] While here, you will abide by them. Midnite: [laughing, to John, regarding Chaz] Take him, John. Kill hi

Dialogue

John Constantine: What if I told you that God and the Devil made a wager? A bet for the remaining souls on Earth? Angela Dodson: I'd tell you to stay on your meds. John Constantine: Humor me. No direct contact with Humans. That would be the rule. Just influence.

Dialogue

Chaz Kramer: Why would you do that when you know this isn't my car, John? John Constantine: I told you to move the car. Chaz Kramer: Yeah, but if you'd told me you were going to drop a three-hundred-pound mirror with a pissed-off demon in it, I would have moved it further, John!

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Chaz Kramer: When am I going to stop being your slave, John? John Constantine: You're not my slave, Chaz. You're my much-appreciated apprentice, just like Tonto, or Robin, or that skinny fellow with the fat friend.

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Angela Dodson: [asking Constantine to hold elevator] Hold the door, you're going down. John Constantine: Not if I can help it.

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Angela Dodson: I guess God has a plan for all of us. John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm, lady. He's not planning anything.

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Angela Dodson: You tried to kill yourself. John Constantine: I didn't try anything.

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Angela Dodson: I don't believe in the Devil. John Constantine: You should. He believes in you.

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John Constantine: So when a half-breed breaks the rules, I deport their sorry asses straight back to hell. I don't get them all, but I've been hoping to get enough to ensure my… retirement. Angela Dodson: I don't understand. John Constantine: I'm a suicide, Angela. When I die, the rules say I've got just one place to go… Angela Dodson: You're trying to buy your way into heaven. John Constantine: What would you do if you were sentenced to a prison where half the inmates were put there by you?

Dialogue

Gabriel: You still trying to buy your way into Heaven? … How many times have I told you? That's not the way this works. John Constantine: Why, haven't I served Him enough? What does He want from me? Gabriel: Only the usual. Self-sacrifice, belief. John Constantine: Oh, I believe, for Christ's sake! Gabriel: No, no. You know. And there's a difference. You've seen. John Constantine: I never asked to see. I was born with this curse. Gabriel: A gift, John. One that you've squandered on selfish endeavors. John Constantine: I'm pulling demons out of little girls. Who's that for? Gabriel: Everything you've ever done, you've only ever done for yourself—to earn your way back into His good graces!

Dialogue

John Constantine: Why me, Gabriel? It's personal, isn't it? I didn't go to church enough, I didn't pray enough, I was five bucks short in the collection plate. Why? Gabriel: You're going to die young because you smoked 30 cigarettes a day since you were 15… and you're going to go to hell because of the life you took. [pause, Gabriel leans in] You're fucked.

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Angela Dodson: My sister was murdered last night. John Constantine: Sorry to hear. Angela Dodson: Thanks. She jumped off the roof of a building. John Constantine: I thought you said she was murdered. Angela Dodson: Yeah, well, Isabel wouldn't have taken her own life. John Constantine: Of course. What kind of mental patient kills herself? That's just crazy.

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Angela Dodson: [Angela is about to transport into Hell via bathtub and has taken off her jacket] So, is this good, or do I have to take off the rest of my clothes? Angela Dodson: John? John Constantine: [smiles slightly] I'm thinking.

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John Constantine: I need you to leave. Angela Dodson: Okay. [heads for her room] John Constantine: The apartment. John Constantine: God, I hate this part.

Dialogue

Balthazar: What are you doing? John Constantine: I'm reading you your last rites. Balthazar: Spare me your remedial incantations. John Constantine: You do know what it is to truly be forgiven? To be welcomed into the Kingdom of God. Demon in heaven, I'd love to be a fly on that wall. Balthazar: You're not a priest. You have no power. John Constantine: Just tell me how Mammon is crossing over, and you can go back to your shithole. Okay, Bally, enjoy it. [Balthazar relents] John Constantine: By the way… you have to ask for absolution to be forgiven… asshole.

Dialogue

John Constantine: [to a room full of demons] Hi. My name's John. You are in violation of the Balance. Leave immediately, or I will deport you. All of you. [no reaction as John stands on a chair] Go to Hell. Ellie: [Chaz Kramer had already put the Holy Cross into the water tank. John pulls the fire detector; holy water sprinkles down] Holy water?

Dialogue

Midnite: [As he is strapping John into the electric chair] Tell me this isn't about the girl. John Constantine: Definitely… mostly not about the girl. Midnite: You sure about this? John Constantine: No.

Dialogue

Gabriel: [Gabriel sits on top of John Constantine, explaining the rebellion] You're handed this precious gift, right? Each one of you granted redemption from the Creator—murderers, rapists, molesters—all of you just have to repent, and God takes you into His bosom. In all the worlds and all the universe, no other creature can make such a boast, save man. It's not fair. Gabriel: If sweet, sweet God loves you so, then I will make you worthy of His love. But it's only in the face of horror that you truly find your nobler selves—and you can be so noble. So… I will bring you pain. I will bring you horror. Gabriel: So that you may rise above it. So that those of you who will survive this reign of hell on earth will be worthy of God's love. John Constantine: Gabriel… you're insane. Gabriel: [smiles] The road to salvation begins tonight. Right now.

Dialogue

John Constantine: Lu… what took you so long? Lucifer: Hello, John. John, hello… [Lucifer gets a chair and sits in front of Constantine] You're the one soul I would come up here to collect myself. Mmm-hmm. [claps excitedly] John Constantine: So I've heard. Do you mind? [John pulls a pack of cigarettes out] Lucifer: Oh, go right ahead. I've got stock. John Constantine: [gestures with the cigarette] Coffin nail. Lucifer: Very fitting, John. [John drops his lighter] You know, when you cut too deep, you cut the tendons. Finger movement goes out the window. Let me help you. [Lucifer picks the lighter up, moves it about beyond John's reach in jest, and then lights John's cigarette] See? Sonny, I've got a whole theme park full of red delights for you. John Constantine: Aren't you a peach. Lucifer: I didn't think you'd make the same mistake twice… and you didn't, did you? John Constantine: So, how's the family? Lucifer: Family's doing just fine. Busy, busy, busy, busy! Need a vacation. John Con

Dialogue

Gabriel: [in shock] Lucifer? Lucifer: This world is mine, in time. You, best of all of us, Gabriel, should understand… ambition! Gabriel: Son of perdition! Little Horn! [Lucifer giggles childishly, nostalgic] Most unclean! Lucifer: I do miss the old names. [to Mammon] Time to go home, son. Gabriel: I shall smite thee, in His honour. Lucifer: Looks like someone doesn't have your back anymore.

Dialogue

John Constantine: [hears Gabriel cough and stand up in the pool] Human? You don't deserve to be human. Gabriel: You want revenge? Is that what you're thinking right now? Do it. End my life. [holding a shotgun against the chest] Be the hand of God. It is your choice. It was always your choice. John Constantine: [takes the gun and punches Gabriel; a beat, then Gabriel grimaces sharply, feeling pain for the first time as a mortal] That's called "pain". Get used to it. Gabriel: [shouting after Constantine] You could have shot me, John! You chose a higher path! Look how well you're doing!