Quotes

Wrong Song

Joe: Do you see what I see? Kevin: A cloud in the shape of a rabbit. Cute. Joe: No. Lower. Kevin: A rabbit in the shape of a cloud. Even cuter. Joe: Higher Kevin: Nick with a goofy smile on his face. (Hesitates) Wait... Nick with a goofy smile on his face? Joe: So what's her name? Nick: Who's name? Kevin: The girl you're crushin' on. Nick: What are you guys, 11? I think it's Jenny... or Penny (looks at the ceiling). Joe: Nick, you always fall, too hard, too fast. It’s like you meet a girl, and boom, instant love. And boom you get dumped. And boom broken heart. And me and Kevin are there picking up the pieces. Kevin: Aw, it’s Nick’s broken heart. Kevin and Joe: (Pretend cries.) Nick: That happened like, one time. Kevin and Joe: (In unison.) Six times. Nick: Okay, whatever, but I'm taking things nice and slow (closes locker and walks away). Kevin: There were like 100 pictures of her in his locker, weren't there? Well that's what we thought. Joe: Look at them so cozy in there. Kevin: It w

Groovy Movies

Dad: Oh, hey. The first Christmas in the firehouse. Joe: Do you remember when grandma burnt those cookies and we had to call the fire department? Nick: Yeah, and then our phone rang. Dad: Man, time goes by so fast. Joe: (wipes eyes with tissue.) Nick: Are you crying? Joe: What? No. A bug flew into my eye.(Looks over at Kevin.) Are you crying? Kevin: Yes. Joe: What do you got there? Kevin: It’s a little extra present for mom. (Pulls box of cake mix out of bag.) It’s a do-it-yourself birthday cake. Joe: Very classy. (Take box from Kevin.) How about, we make the cake… for her?

Pizza Girl

Joe: That’s for me! I ordered pizza! Nick: That’s for me. I ordered pizza. Kevin: That’s for me, I ordered pizza! Stella: Okay. If I have to keep making your pants bigger, the world is going to have a denim shortage. Nick: Have you guys tried sweat pants? There's a lot more... wiggle room. Joe: I miss her. Kevin: Enough to sing about? Nick: Oh yeah. Kevin: How do you solve a problem like Maria?

Keeping It Real

Joe: I'll wear a disguise. (Picks up near by bow-tie and puts it on.) It’s okay. It’s still me, Joe! Stella: Joe, you’re a genius! Joe: I know. Stella: I bet I could disguise you guys enough to sneak you through the fans. Kevin: Excellent! I’ll go as Joe, Joe will go as Nick, and Nick will go as me! Stella: You know that idea is so good, we should save it for the next time we’re stuck somewhere. Kevin: That's what you said last time. Joe: (Walks in the room with sunglasses on.) Hey Nick, do these sunglasses make my head look fat? Nick: No. Your fat head makes your head look fat.

Bands Best Friend

Dad: Last time I saw you, you were wearing your alien ninja costume. I didn’t think you ever took it off! Carl: Got it on under the shirt, sir. Dad: Wear it proudly. You know Joe still wears his dinosaur underwear. Joe: That was one time... including today. Macy: I call it a, Joe-tato chip. (Laughs) It was worth every penny. Stella: Wait. That fifty dollars you borrowed from me was spent on a Joe-tato chip? Macy: Awesome, right? Stella: Awesome wrong. I wouldn’t have lent you the money if I knew that’s what you were gonna spend it on. Macy: Wow. I never realized our friendship came with so many conditions attached. Stella: Any girl who is the proud owner of a rhinestone incrusted pencil case, should not be criticizing anybody. Kevin: You read my e-mails? Carl: Only the ones you’ve opened. Nick: I told you “Kevin’s password” wasn’t a good password. Nick: You have something on your head. Joe: (Reaches for head and take notepaper off his head.) “Guys, I decided to go home early.” Nick: (S

Chasing the Dream

Kevin: I said dogs could hear it. I didn’t say dogs would like it. Nick: Whose dog was that anyway? Joe: I don’t know, but he just left a review of Kevin’s guitar playing in the corner. Nick: She got a frog in her throat. Kevin: There’s a bug going around. Nick: No. She was swimming in a swamp and got an actual frog in her throat. Nick: Didn’t you tell him we don’t have time for songs? Put the guitar down and turn the lights back on. Nick: Then there’s no symptoms of vertigo of nausea? Kevin: No, no. I just got really dizzy then I puked. Nick: Good lungs. And if she can carry a tune, Kevin can help her sound awesome. Kevin: Besides how bad could she be? Stella: Ok, one time during a softball game, she was singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," and they called animal control because they thought there was an injured manatee on the field. A manatee! Kevin: [Struming guitar] Manatees. You know the way we treat these friendly cow-people of the sea... says a lot about the way we treat each

Fashion Victim

Kevin: Dude, I think your biggest math problem is, Joe plus trash can equals bonkers. And YES! I said it. Nick: Ruining all our the clothes, messing up Stella’s date, I think somebody needs to be taught a lesson. Kevin: If all that fancy talkin’ means having fun with Joe, then I am so in! Kevin: Joe! She didn’t even notice your outfit! The Queen of England: Oh, we noticed. Joe: It was just a joke. The Queen: We are not amused. Kevin: Hey Joe, if they throw you in the dungeon, can I have your new guitar?

That Ding You Do

Joe: Hey, guys, check it out. There's a new How well do you know JONAS quiz? in the new "Teenster"magazine. Let's see how well I know Joe. Yes, no, yes, no, Armadillo. Ah! Five out of five. I'm a real Joe-nut. Nick: Hey, your favorite snack is not cherry pudding. Kevin: Yeah, it's chocolate tacos. (romantic music plays) mmm. And your favorite color is not medium spring green. Nick: It's electric indigo. Kevin: We need to straighten Teenster magazine out. Nick: We should do that. Kevin: We need to write a letter. Uh, anybody have a pen? (He, Nick and Joe check their pockets.) Nick: No. Joe: Hold on. (Walks over to window and opens it. The sound of scream fans flood the place.) Excuse me girls, does anybody have a pen? INCOMING! Joe: Clear. Joe: Wow! Our fans are the best. Nick: And they’re freakishly accurate. Kevin: Dear, Teenster Magazine. Macy: As president of the JONAS fan club, I'm trying to decide to which new JONAS picture to post on the JONAS fan club website? Help me pick? Stel

Complete Repeat

Kevin: Psst. What's wrong, bro?) Joe: Nick, play the new song you wrote. (tells Nick play the new song) Nick: I couldn't come up with a new song! Kevin and Joe: What? Nick: No! (He has a bad dream so he screams which makes Joe and Kevin wake up from their sleep and Joe is protecting himself with a guitar) Kevin: The monkeys! Aw! (Grunting) Hyah! (pulls up his eye mask just a little bit) Nick: Guys, it's all me. Bad dream. (Kevin and Joe sigh) Kevin: About the new song? Nick: Yeah. Joe: Were we wearing underwear and birthday hats? Kevin: You were wearing that too? Nick: Not this time. Everyone back to bed. (he tells Kevin and Joe to go back to sleep then he goes back to his bed) Kevin: Okay. (he walks to his bed) Oh, guys, can someone turn on the relaxation CD? Joe: Sure. (he stands on his bed and he turns on a nature CD) Kevin: How am I supposed to fall asleep to that. Joe: It's the wrong one. Joe: Nick's never had writer's block before. It's been three weeks and he hasn't written anyt

Love Sick

Joe: Hey, Nick, have you seen Kevin? I wanna trade my tuna fish sandwich for his tuna fish sandwich. Nick: What's the difference? They're both tuna fish. (he puts a book back in his locker) Joe: I sat on mine. (shows Nick the flattened sandwich and Joe shakes his head) I'll tell him it's grilled. Nick: He's at a pep-squad meeting getting ready for the big game on Saturday.(he shakes his head) He's really gotten into it. Joe: Kevin? He's a rocker. He would never get into something that corny. Kevin: (he enters by doing a flip and the megaphone is thrown to him and he catches the megaphone then speaks via it) Attention, Horace Mantis Academy!(Joe and Nick are looking at Kevin) Come show your mantis pride by coming to the big game this Saturday! Cheerleaders: (they enter) We got the moves all over you Kevin: It's almost unfair Cheerleaders: Surrender to the mantis Kevin: You haven't got a prayer Cheerleaders and Kevin: Go, mantis! (Joe shakes his head and Nick claps) Nick: (turns to Joe)

The Three Musketeers

Kevin: (he stops walking then he puts his arms on both sides to stop Joe and Nick from walking)Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? Nick: That walking this way looks really cool but makes us late for class? Kevin: No. Joe: Auditions tomorrow for "The Three Musketeers"? (sees the sign up sheet and reads the title of the play) Kevin: (walks to the sign up sheet then he turns back around) We should totally audition. We would be perfect! (Says to Joe and Nick after talking about the play) Plus, we get to wear hats with feathers! Nick: Seriously? Kevin: I don't joke around about a feathered hat. Joe: Guys, but we're not actors. Kevin: When you told Nick his hair wasn't big this morning, that was acting. Nick: I rely on you. (he touches his hair) Joe: But it looks great now. Nick: Ahh, thanks. Joe: Wow, I guess I can act. (Nick looks at Joe then Kevin is heard laughing) Kevin: I'm gonna put our names down. (writes his name along with Joe's and Nick's names on the sheet) Nick: If we do th

Frantic Romantic

Nick: Wait. Let's not be those guys who wear their sunglasses at night. (he tells Kevin and Joe that they shouldn't wear sunglasses so they take off their sungleasses but the cameras blinded the eyes of Nick, Kevin and Joe then they accidently bumped into the trash cans and fell on the ground) Nick: Maybe we should be those guys for about 10 seconds. (he, Joe and Kevin are wearing sunglasses) Kevin: Yeah. Joe: (talks on the phone) She's not my girlfriend! I don't even know Fiona Skye! Yes, and that's for the record. (hangs up the phone then talks on on the phone again) Hello? Now they're calling from "Celebrity Dirt." No, Fiona and I are not involved in any way. Why are all these reporters asking about Fiona Skye. Who is she? (asks Kevin) Kevin: She was in that horror film "Screaming till You Die Screaming" or "Crying till you Die Crying." Either way, it was horrible. I remember being there and laughing till I died laughing. Yeah, 'cause I... laughed. Joe: I don't know her! Leave me al

Detention

Joe: What's this? (Nick hands him and Kevin the lyrics of the song then Kevin looks at it) Nick: It's the lyrics for the new song we're recording on Saturday. Learn it, (he tosses the lyrics but Joe tries to catch them and Kevin catches them) live it, love it, but mostly learn it. Joe: Recording on a Saturday? When was the last time we did anything normal on a weekend? Kevin: Yeah, I just want to go hang out at the mall. Nick: Exactly. Wait, I don't wanna hang out at the mall. Joe: Me neither. Joe: Abby, save some for the fish. (Abby hands him the bag of chips and he reads it) "Captain Salty's Sea Salt'N'Vinegar Thick-Cut Salt Chips. Now With Extra Sea Salt." Oh, Got it. Abby: finished drinking) Ah. Mmm. It's all yours! Joe: Thanks. Abby: I think my hair is stuck. Joe: It's the fire alarm. Abby: Feels-- Joe: Let me just help you out. (helping Abby free her hair) Abby: (screams softly) Ow. (her hair is free from the fire alarm) (fire alarm goes off) Joe: Oops. False alarm! Everybody jus

Karaoke Surprise

Nick: Joe! (passes the ball to Joe) Joe: Kevin! (passes the ball to Kevin) (grunts) Kevin: (throws the ball to the celiing) Oh!(he, Joe and Nick look at the ceiling) Uh-oh! It is nice that we have high ceilings in this house. We should totally put a trampoline in the middle of our room. Joe: That would be awesome! We could somersault into bed, or back flip into the bathroom. Nick: Guys, do you really think that's a good idea? Think. Think hard. Kevin: No. (he, Joe and Nick back away from each other and play Hacky Sack) Joe: Let's do this, come on. Kevin: Hack it over here. Nick: Why, so you can kick it into oblivion again? Kevin: I can't help it if my leg muscles are like crouching tigers. I had an off kick. It happens to the best of us. Nick: And by "best" you mean "worst"? Joe: (sighs) Kevin: By "worst", you mean "best"? (he and Nick are staring at each other) I bet you I can hack the sack longer than you can. Nick: You're on... Let's go... Right now. Kevin: House rules...two feet...

Home Not Alone

Sandy: Okay. We've got guitar-shaped pancakes for Kevin, Crunchy Cat cereal for Nick and peanut butter with eggs for Joe. (kissed Joe) Ah. Joe: Mom, there's a little too much trees in my eggs. Nick: And I like my dish-water a little less soapy. Kevin: I love the underwear that came with my pancakes. It's a great source of fiber. Sandy: Oh my-- (laughs) I am so sorry. I think I'm doing too many things at once. (walks to Frankie) It's been really hectic since the baby was born the was born. Kevin: Baby? Frankie: Mom, I'm eight and a half. Kevin: Guys, I think it's time. (tells Nick and Joe) Sandy: Time for what? Nick: Mom, dad, you both seem a little stressed. So we got you a present-- an exclusive resort vacation. Tom: Oh-- Joe: We were gonna wait for your anniversary, but you guys look like you could use our present right now. Kevin: Plus, we couldn't remember when your anniversary was. Nick: That too. Kevin: Yeah. Sandy: Guys, that is so sweet. But I can't possibly leave you alone. No

Forgetting Stella’s Birthday

Tom: Give me a C! Kevin: C! Tom: Give me an O! Joe: O! Tom: Give me a- Nick: Dad, we’ve got school. How many more letters are there gonna be? Tom: I was going to spell "Coler." As in Robert Lincoln Coler. Kevin: The music critic? Tom: The most respected music critic in the business. Joe: (sits) I hate that guy. He's so pedantic, pompous, pretentious. Nick: It looks like someone's been reading their word-of-the-day calendar. Tom: Yeah, well, he loved your last album. Joe: (stands up and walks to Kevin) That Coler? He's so cool. Some would say sagacious. Joe: It means "shrewd." May 23rd. Tom: Yeah, it is. It is, which is why it's so unbelievably awesome I got us an interview! Joe: Awesome. Tom: (laughs) Let's celebrate. Five-second dance party. Go. (dance music playing) And we're dancing. Let's dance it. Joe: Mom, dad's dancing again! (tells Sandy) Tom: Come on, you guys. (Kevin, Nick and Joe are going downstairs) All right, we'll do more dancing later. Robert Coler. Macy: Okay okay, you

The Tale of the Haunted Firehouse

Kevin: Oh, hello there. I didn't see you come in. I was just reading a story. Or should I say "gory"? Would you like to hear it? Of course you would! Ha ha ha ha! So now I bring you the tale of the haunted firehouse. (Nick and Joe walk to Kevin at their bedroom) Nick: Who are you talking to? Kevin: No one. Joe: Is that my jacket? Kevin: If this was your jacket, could I do this? (rips) Joe: You're telling Stella. Stella: Did I just hear Joe's jacket rip? Kevin: Ahh! (he, Nick and Joe are running to their poles to slide down) (Joe and Nick slide down but Kevin holds onto his pole before his hands are magically not on the pole) Ooh! Enjoy the show.(thumps) Ow! Joe: (walks to Kevin and asks) Dude, what's all this stuff? Kevin: Ghost-tracking equipment so I can finally prove to you guys that we have a ghost. Nick: Ghosts? Please tell me you kept the receipts. Kevin: Nick, I'm trying to tell you we have a ghost. (holds the book) It's all right here in this book. (gives the book to Joe) Joe:

Double Date

Joe: What's up, dude? Kevin: Nothing. Joe: (closes his locker) Do you want me to start to leave so you can call me back and then me what's really going on? Kevin: I'd like that. Joe: Okay. Kevin: Wait, Joe. Joe: Yeah, Kev? Something up? Kevin: (sighs) In five minutes I have a calculus test. Joe: Yeah, but in 55 minutes we have shop class. There's a rumor going around that Mr. Stone's gonna tell us that how he really lost that finger. Kevin: (laughs) Good try, but... I don't think anything's shake these five-minutes-to-calculus-test-blues. (blues harmonica playing) Nick: Stop. I think I have something that might change your tune which is technically more honky-tonk than blues. My blues-chew cookie-- best batch I've ever made. (holds the paper bag then gives it to Kevin) Brought one for lunch. It's yours. Kevin: (about to take the cookie from the bag) Thanks, Nick, I don't think a cookie's gonna help any. (bites the cookie) (moans) Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! Mm. Nick: Told you. Kevi

Cold Shoulder

Kevin: Guys! (runs towards to Nick and Joe) (bumps into Joe) Nick: Whoa. Joe: Hey! Kevin: Sorry, guys. Hey, I just got a text from Anya saying that she is going to be coming to our school to be an exchange student. You know-- Anya, the president of our Scandinavian fan club Anya? Joe: The strong blonde one? Kevin: The really strong, the really blonde that I can't stop thinking about. (sighs) (a thought bubble of Anya appears) (pops) Nick: Oh, that Anya. Kevin: Yeah. Joe: You two were really crushing on each other when we toured Scandinavia. Nick: Remember how bummed you were when the tour ended? And you thought your heart never be...(pulls out pen and paper) mended? (starts to write) Kevin: That rhymed! Wait a second, do you really care or are you just writing a new song? Nick: I care. (continues to write) Kevin: What are you writing? Nick: Do you wanna go on tour again, or not? Joe: So she's coming all the way to America to go to this school? Kevin: And to see me. (Anya appears) Anya:

Beauty and the Beat

Joe: (stands on his bed then he walks on the amps and jumps on his bed but one of his shoes) Check this out. (glass shatters) (cat screeches) )British siren blaring) (tires screech) (cow moos) (bagpipes playing) Tom: What's going up here? Joe, did you just break a window with a shoe? That then hit a cat, causing a British ambulance to crash? Which then scared a cow, who sat on a fat guy playing bagpipes? Joe: No, that was my ringtone. Hello? It's for you. (gives his cell phone to Nick) Nick: Hello? Yeah, hold on. It's for you. (gives Joe's cell phone to Kevin) Kevin: (takes Joe's from Nick) Hello? Yeah, oh yeah, he's right here. Hold on. Hey, dad, it's for you. (Joe looks at Kevin and Nick then looks at Tom) Tom: Hello? Oh hey, what's going on? Nick: Is there someone on the phone? Tom: I don't know. You tell me, shoeless Joe. (Joe looks at his sock then Kevin and Nick look at Joe) Joe: I'll pay for the window. (Kevin and Nick take their guitar off) (Kevin, Joe and Nick are going to the

Exam Jam

Macy: This is Macy Misa and you're watching Macy Misa's video podcast from the JONAS loft. I'm Macy Misa. I am so excited to bring you behind the scenes as JONAS prepare to launch their world tour-- the bigger-and-better-than-the-last-tour tour! You'll get to watch the tough decisions that the band has to make. Joe: I think I'm going with the all cotton socks. Macy: We'll get up close and personal with Nick. Nick: Ow! Macy: We'll get a sneak peek at the band's latest new super cool look... Joe: Are you serious? Macy: and Kevin just being... Kevin. (dramatic music playing) Kevin: I love you. (hugs his guitar) Macy: Of course you'll get to see lots of this. (rock music playing) Macy: I'm Macy Misa and if you'd like to see more theen tell your parents that you're doing homework, lock the door and crank up the volume. Did I mention I'm Macy Misa? Because I am. JONAS has given me complete access to their creative process because I'll be like a fly on the wall. I'll observe and report but I'

House Party

Nick: This is amazing. Joe: L.A., baby. Kevin: Gentlemen, let me present to you le crib de la Jonas. Game room. Nick: Music room. Joe: Bathroom. Big Man: Occupied. (toilet flushes) Joe: Sorry, big man. This summer in L.A. is gonna be epic. Kevin: Play all day, party all night. Nick: Let's get busy. Maybe we'll get busy tomorrow. (Kevin is snoring on a floatie then Joe and Nick flipped it over) (Kevin yelps) Joe: Ha ha. (he and Nick high five each other at the swimming pool) Joe: It's so cool that mom and dad let us come here for the whole summer. Kevin: Well, yeah, with an eldest brother this trustworthy, they can actually relax. Joe: So in this scenario you're kind of like our L.A. dad. Kevin: And mom. Nick: Well, mom, I'm hungry. Kevin: You have two hands. Make yourself a sandwich. Joe: Guys, we're free now. We can eat whatever we want whenever we want. Nick: Yeah, if we had any food. Joe: We can just ask Macy and Stella to stop somewhere on the way home from the airport. Nick: Nice,

Back to the Beach

Kevin: What are you doing? (Joe is screaming) Nick: Saving Joe. What are you doing? Joe: Nick, Vanessa said there might be a part for me in her movie. We're working out my acting chops. Nick: Okay, that explains nothing. And you? Kevin: You know I've always wanted to be a director. Nick: Always? Kevin: At least for the last couple of weeks. Nick: Well, I've always wanted to go to sleep, so please keep it down, okay? (Joe screams) Joseph! Joe: Sorry, I bit my tongue. All right, let's do it again. Kevin: Okay, down. And... (Joe screams) Nick: Hey, Mace. Macy: Hey. I was just updating the JONAS site. Anything you want me to post? Nick: Post this: "Macy's offline." You're supposed to be on vacation. Macy: Okay. Oh. Nick: Sorry. Macy: I got it. Nick: So this pool's cool and all, but I'm kind of thinking beach. It's so close, you know. Macy: Yeah, I can almost smell it. Dennis: That's my body spray. Nick: Hey D.Z., you ever hear of knocking? Dennis: Yeah, how about "knock knock, I smell good

Date Expectations

Macy: Come on, girl. We're almost to the top. Stella: There had better be an air-conditioned mall up there. Macy: All right, princess. You rest. I'll be right back. Stella: Yeah? Well, if I was a princess, I'd have someone walk for me! (mumbles) Ben: Oh. Oh. Stella: Oh, sorry. Thank you. Ben: That's okay. Stella: Great. Ben: Well, if someone was going to run into me, I'm glad it was you. Hey, I know you. I'm your neighbor. Cute orange house, right? Stella: I'm Stella. Ben: Ben. Stella: Sorry I'm... such a mess. I was attacked... by a bear. Ben: I'm guessing you're more of an indoor girl. Stella: I like a wall and a window now and then. Ben: That's probably why I haven't seen you on the trail before. Macy: Hey. Oh. Umm... (thuds) Stella: So many mosquitoes out here in nature. Ben: Well, maybe we'd be better off doing something inside... like eating some frozen yogurt or something. Stella: Really? Yeah. Ben: Great. I'll pick you up around 7:00. Stella: - Perfect. Ben: - Cute orange house

And... Action

Kevin: - Here you go, man. I made you breakfast. Joe: - Wow. Thanks, dude. Kevin: No problem. Feeling good? Feeling loose? Joe: Feeling awesome. I'm going to be in a movie today. Kevin: Not just any movie! From the best-selling novel, "Forever April," Comes the major motion picture event Starring my brother Joe. Joe: (chuckles) Dude, no sausage. Kevin: In a world with no sausage, - One man-- - Joe: --tells his brother to stop talking like that. Kevin: Oh, yeah. Sorry. Hey, let's practice your lines. Joe: Kevin, we've been practicing all weekend. I'm pretty solid. Kevin: Okay, then you wouldn't care if I did this-- Scene 36, interior, high school gymnasium, Your character Dade is alone. The ghost April appears. She says, "Dade, you're not safe here. - You have to go." Joe: - I'm not going anywhere without you. Kevin: - Nailed it! Joe: - See? Solid. Kevin: - Now do it backwards. Joe: - You without anywhere going not I'm. Kevin: You are going to be a great actor. Joe: And you are going to