Quotes

Dialogue

Jerry Landers:   Who are You? God:   [speaking through an intercom]  You read the note. Jerry Landers:   Who's that, Artie? God:   God. Jerry Landers:   Come on, Artie. God:   No, it's Me, God. Jerry Landers:   God. God:   Right, God.  God Almighty.  Big G.

Dialogue

God:   [speaking through an intercom]  How often do you talk with God? Jerry Landers:   Practically never.

Dialogue

God: &nbsp; [speaking through an intercom]&nbsp; Well, you're not allowed to see Me. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; Why not. God: &nbsp; Because. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; That<s></s>'s no answer. God: &nbsp; Sue Me.

Dialogue

God: &nbsp; [speaking through an intercom]&nbsp; Tobacco was one of My big mistakes. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; Mistakes? God: &nbsp; You try.&nbsp; Ostriches were a mistake.&nbsp; Silly-looking things.&nbsp; Avocados, made the pit too big.&nbsp; Like I say, you try.

Dialogue

Jerry Landers: &nbsp; I don't belong to any church! God: &nbsp; [speaking through an intercom]&nbsp; Neither do I.

Dialogue

God: &nbsp; [speaking through Jerry's car radio]&nbsp; Jerry.&nbsp; [Jerry, surprised, begins fiddling with the nobs]&nbsp; Do you want Me to talk louder? Jerry Landers: &nbsp; Oh, God! God: &nbsp; I thought you didn't believe in Me. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; Uh…that's just an expression. God: &nbsp; I'm more than that, and I want you to spread the word.

Dialogue

Jerry Landers: &nbsp; You want me to tell people I've spoken with God? God: &nbsp; [speaking through Jerry's car radio]&nbsp; Yes. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; They'll put me away.

Dialogue

God: &nbsp; [speaking through Jerry's car radio]&nbsp; You can do it, it's only one message.&nbsp; Moses had to handle ten. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; B-but You gave him tablets. God: &nbsp; He had a bad memory.

Dialogue

God: &nbsp; Come take a look. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; I can't.&nbsp; I'm naked. God: &nbsp; You think I don't know what you got?&nbsp; That was another little goof of Mine: shame.&nbsp; I don't know why I thought we needed shame.

Dialogue

Jerry Landers: &nbsp; You don't control our lives?! God: &nbsp; I gave you a world and everything in it.&nbsp; It's all up to you.

Dialogue

Jerry Landers: &nbsp; I don't believe the Red Sea, and I don't believe six days to create the world. God: &nbsp; You're right. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; I am? God: &nbsp; Tell you the honest truth, I thought about it for five days and did the whole job in one.

Dialogue

Jerry Landers: &nbsp; How can You permit all the suffering that goes on in the world? God: &nbsp; Ah, how can I permit the suffering? Jerry Landers: &nbsp; Yeah! God: &nbsp; I don't permit the suffering, you do.&nbsp; Free will.&nbsp; All the choices are yours.

Dialogue

Bobbie Landers: &nbsp; Oh, God "doesn't care about religion"? Jerry Landers: &nbsp; Well, that's what He said.

Dialogue

God: &nbsp; Last question. Jerry Landers: &nbsp; Thank God! God: &nbsp; You're welcome.

Dialogue

Court Clerk: &nbsp; You swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? God: &nbsp; So help Me, Me.